The Bolet Collective

For the modern woman seeking personal empowerment, professional development, and the luxurious life moments that happen in between.

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Holy Grail Drugstore Makeup Staples

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There are certain products that just have a constant rotation in our makeup bags. These are products we rely on, repurchase, and recommend to others because they keep us feeling and looking our best. Additionally, there are certain products that are budget friendly as well and that’s what this list contains. These are my favorite drugstore products that are tried and true and at an affordable price. Many of these have been repurchased for years and are items I use currently in my everyday makeup looks.

L’Oreal Paris Makeup Voluminous Original Volume Building Mascara, Carbon Black

This is a go-to mascara since I was in high-school and there’s so many reasons why. First off, it’s affordable and around $5.00, depending on your retailer. The color carbon black alludes to this rich true black that creates depth and shine in the lashes. The brush itself is thick and creates this beautiful and buildable coat on my lashes, plus the packaging itself hardly ever dries out. And if you don’t believe me, this mascara has over 48,000 four star reviews on Amazon to convince you.

Airspun Loose Face Translucent Powder

This is an enormous amount of product and it’s actually my second one I’ve purchased, as I used the first one completely. What I love about this product is how lightweight it is and how it completely sets my makeup effortlessly. I’ve tested going through the day without it and my T-zone immediately gets oily and my foundation moves around. With this, the product stays and my makeup stays fresh without creasing. The only con to this is the packaging itself can get a little messy, so make sure you open it safely to avoid spillage.

Elf Expert Liquid Liner

This is such an underrated product and I don’t know why. First off, it will last you forever and it’s only $3.00. The liner itself it incredibly rich and dark, unlike other grayish black liners. Once applied, it won’t budge and the color itself will stay strong all day. My only caveat is there is a lot of product that comes out, so have a light hand, otherwise you will be waiting for it to dry for a long time. There are so many other products I’ve tried that dry up quickly or don’t have a dark enough black color and that’s why I love this one from Elf.

Maybelline FitMe Matte and Poreless Foundation

I purchase this and then forget about it and then repurchase it and remember how much I love it. Honestly, it’s just a classic product that’s under $10.00 and gives you a beautiful coverage, finish, and color overall. The sleek packaging holds a substantial amount of product that is easy to move around and the color range is exceptional for the drugstore variety. I think this is a perfect foundation to have in your arsenal for an everyday look because it’s lightweight, affordable, great coverage, and a beautiful finish.

Maybelline Age Rewind Concealer

Okay, me and the entire internet beauty population love this concealer. I buy several at a time because it runs out quickly, but it truly is an incredible product. The applicator is effortless, the consistency is creamy, and the brightness it creates is so critical to a solid under-eye. I’m always impressed with this formula and currently have three of them in my makeup bag on rotation, but have probably purchased this product over 10 times.

Profusion Cosmetics Blush I Palette

This is a very recent buy, but I am already hooked. I have tried several blushes from Milani, Nars, Wet n’ Wild, and several others, but I love this palette. The version I got has a small contour bronzer color and the remaining blushes are these gorgeous, pigmented, and peach based blushes that lay beautifully on the skin. With just the slightest amount of shimmer, you get a little glow without the obnoxious highlight that some heavier blushes bring on. It’s under $5.00 for this much product, so you have to pick it up next time to build your collection.

Wet n Wild Contouring and Highlight Powder

This is my second or third time repurchasing this product and it’s a staple for me. The highlight powder is a banana based color that is perfect for brightening the under-eye. It’s also very rare to find a great banana powder in the drugstore. But the true standout is the matte contour color that is highly pigmented and settles effortlessly onto the skin. I love to contour all over my face and find this color blends incredibly well all over. I’ve also tried many high-end and drugstore bronzers and find this one to be the most consistent at creating an overall flawless finish without looking muddy or too dark. A little goes a long way, so start light and build up the color from there.

Final Thoughts

We are long gone from the days of the Claire’s makeup palettes and the drugstore offers so many affordable and high quality products that can take your day-to-day look to the next level. These are some of my top favorite products that I constantly repurchase and keep within my makeup arsenal. What I love about this particular combination of items is the diversity of brands that can curate a full face at a budget friendly price.

The Key Elements to a Healthy Dating Experience

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Man and Woman Facing Each Other

Dating is a journey in it of itself. For me, it’s included a long list of hilarious first date stories and amazing moments of connection, excitement, and first date butterflies. Like the guy I met during sunset in Portugal and had a spontaneous first date with afterwards, the guy I met on a double date in London with my best friend, or the guy who wrote me postcards and letters while we were getting to know each other. (I kept them all.) It has also included some not so great experiences with people that I shouldn’t have continued seeing. This included the guy who mansplained my job and interests and made completely ignorant and racist commentary about my ethnicity or the guy who showed up an hour late, “forgot his wallet” and then asked for my leftovers. (True story!)

Having gone through so many ups and downs in the dating world, I’ve come to define a couple of key elements that are imperative for me to have a healthy and enjoyable dating experience. Defining these areas for myself has resulted in more meaningful and compatible first dates with people who are respectful and great company because I am able to discern who is worth my time from the beginning. Not all of them turned into something long-term, but that’s not always the goal. Sometimes, the journey and the process is the objective, and not the final destination itself. These are some of my personal favorites.

Know what you’re looking for.

This sounds obvious, but it truly is something that is important to define to yourself before you start. It’s easy to download a dating app and scroll or swipe through profiles endlessly and click on people that catch your interest. But do you know the type of person you’re looking for? What things are you focusing on? Are you interested in something completely casual or more serious and long-term? What factors are important to you? Do you have more of an open mind or are you clear on the characteristics your ideal person should have?

Most dating apps have the location and age parameters already in place, but they also allow you to screen by religion, education, interests, political views, etc. By having a clear idea of what you’re looking for, you can use these features to your advantage and only be shown people that you know would have an existing alignment with your life and values. In addition, with such a high volume of people on these apps, you can make more meaningful matches and connections with people you know you’d be interested in meeting in person instead of just digging through the large pool of options without any sort of preselection taking place.

Be intentional about your time.

There are a lot of men (and women!) out there that would love to have your attention, but have no intention on following through with it. These are the men that FaceTime and text you all day long and interrupt your focus, but never actually follow through on plans or only create casual scenarios for you to meet. Having someone’s attention and having someone’s intentions are two different things and it’s important to identify when you’re receiving what.

If you see that someone is not making plans or time for you in the ways that you need it over an extended period of time, be selective about if you’ll continue to allow them access to you. You can certainly open the conversation and mention that this is a priority for you and see how they’ll react. However, if they don’t respect what you’re saying and they continue to just want access to you in a casual and convenient way, move along because you have better ways of investing your time.

Define, set, and communicate boundaries.

Setting and communicating boundaries are arguably the most important thing on this list. Boundaries create the parameters and expectations for how we expect to be treated and the environments we put ourselves in. If you don’t have a clear idea on where your line is or what you’d like your dating experience to be, you create the opportunity for someone else to define it for you. People are always going to offer things and push the envelope to see and test what you’ll tolerate. It is up to you to determine what your boundaries are and it is also up to you to actively communicate this to the person you’re seeing.

I used to have a tough time with this and it resulted in really toxic dating experiences because I never defined when enough was enough. Having taken the time to define my own personal boundaries, I now have a completely different dating experience because I only allow people who respect me and what’s important to me. Maybe we don’t have a romantic connection or I don’t see myself dating them long-term, but that’s totally normal and expected. However, setting and communicating those boundaries has allowed me to have a healthy dating environment that protects me and my time until I find the right person.

Be realistic with who the other person is.

Sometimes, the people we meet have incredible potential. They’re smart, talented, and you have mutual chemistry with this person. However, their behavior doesn’t align with your expectations or they don’t respect your boundaries or time. Be realistic with yourself about the characteristics that a person shows you and don’t just be selective and look for what you want to see. Ignoring red flags in the beginning only sets you up for failure. It’s important to not fall in love with potential and with what you think someone else could be like in the future. Notice who they’re showing you they are through their words and behaviors and use that as the foundation for your personal opinion on whether you’d like to continue seeing them.

I see a lot of people love someone’s appearance or what they look like on paper, so they ignore all the red flags or make excuses for this person who is not actually making the cut for what they’re looking for. This is where we end up creating false scenarios and personas of who this person is and we end up disappointed when they don’t fulfill them. Notice who people are from the get go, not what you want them to be.

Keep your options open.

I’d argue this area is up to personal preference, but I like to keep it here anyways. I personally think it’s important to keep your options open and get to know several people at a time. My reason is exposure to a wide variety of personalities is important to distinguish what you like and don’t like and it keeps a healthy pace and timeline when getting to know someone. If you focus all your eggs in one basket and person and try and speed date someone over the course of a few weeks, you don’t create alternative environments to cross check your experience. It also allows you to not get too caught up in one person too soon because you have the opportunity to meet others along the same time. If the relationship progresses at a healthy rate and there is a mutual desire for exclusivity, then absolutely move forward with that. But when you’re just getting to know someone, it’s important to meet new people and keep your options open.

Enjoy the process of singleness and dating overall.

Dating is the process of meeting people, simply put. Dates are just a conversation that allow you to figure out what you’re looking for. If it works out, you now have someone in your life that you enjoy and want to continue to get to know. If it doesn’t work out, you now have a better understanding of what you’re looking for and experience in getting those first date jitters out. Sometimes, dating can be casual or it can be serious, but regardless, make sure to enjoy yourself and not take things so insanely serious at first. Get to know someone, laugh, try new restaurants together, learn something from one another. Enjoy your own company and the flexibility of having ownership over your own time. Make the best of every stage of your life and don’t get so caught up in being in a relationship that you forget to enjoy the journey of singleness and everything it entails.

Final thoughts

For many years, I was notorious for having horrible first date stories. Some dates left me crying in tears of laughter out of the ridiculous things that happened and others left me in tears out of the ridiculous things someone did or said. Both were important for me to understand what I was looking for, but the tips I’ve included in this list have led to a healthier and overall more positive dating experience for me with less extremes.

I love being by myself and I love getting to know other people. I love knowing my own limits and expectations and I love being able to communicate that with others. I love trying new places and meeting new people and have genuinely made dating a process I can enjoy, rather than one beelining for the relationship destination. I hope these insights can inspire you to remember that you can create the experiences you want and that you deserve a healthy and fun dating experience overall, regardless of the final outcome.

My Secrets to Success in the Corporate World

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Person in Red Long Sleeve Shirt

Corporate America is a wonderful and crazy world all in one. Managing its nuances and challenges requires a positive attitude and eagerness to learn on the fly. Currently, I work at a Big Four Accounting firm as a cyber security consultant and have received promotions, salary raises, and performance based bonuses within under three years based on the following tips that I’ve implemented throughout my career. While there is no direct link to immediate success in any field, there are certain habits, steps, and behaviors that can build a strong reputation within the workplace. The following include some of the key traits that I’ve acquired and believe are essential to success in the corporate world.

USE POSITIVE LANGUAGE

How we frame questions and comments has a direct correlation with how it’s received. Starting a phrase with “I may be wrong, but…” sets the stage for the receiver to find an issue with what you’re about to say before you even say it. Speak confidently and assertively and avoid using filler words. Instead of saying, “Okay, I think it might be a good idea,” say “A course of action we can consider is…” This is a direct statement that still allows room for discussion without downplaying your opinion.

In addition, if you make an error in a document, which will happen, don’t plaster your email with sorry’s. Instead, say “Thank you for bringing that to my attention,” or “I’ll address your feedback promptly.” This also comes into play when you speak about yourself and about others. Always try to be a positive voice in a meeting and create an environment that others will enjoy when they work with you. If you’re constantly gossiping or complaining about others, people might not remember exactly what you said, but they’ll remember the energy you created.

PLAN FOR THE DETAILS

There are so many moving parts to a career that require a detail oriented mindset. This may include doing additional research on your down time on unfamiliar topics, making sure your managers are prepared on materials for the call by briefing them on the agenda and participants before, logging online before everyone else to ensure internet connectivity, or even reviewing the notes before a call to ensure you can speak to the details.

When I first started in my career, managing the details gave me a lot of confidence because I could always answer those nit-picky questions and details and provide value that way. In addition, it kept me on top of things and projected a level of professionalism and attentiveness to my peers as well. I also believe planning for the details is a great way to enforce the “Fake it until you make it” ideal because managing details gives you a sense of control and oversight while you’re still learning the intricacies of a field or client. It also projects an additional layer of confidence and project management to others, which is essential to building your brand.

FOCUS ON BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS

When you’re just starting out in your career, it takes time to build up your subject matter expertise. During this time period, it is critical to network with people of all levels in your company, practice, or group. Taking time to get to know others, what they’re working on, and sharing your background and experiences builds your visibility and reputation from the start. It also provides the opportunity for you to ask questions and get to know about the company culture and experiences each coworker has gone through. People are always eager to welcome newbies and being new to the organization is the perfect built-in reason for reaching out. Take major advantage of this. I still rely heavily on the relationships I built on my first year nearly three years later.

PLAY TO YOUR STRENGTHS

When you are confident, people become confident in you. If you’re an exceptional public speaker, offer to give a client presentation or speak up on calls. If you’re an exceptional writer, offer to give the first pass at reviewing deliverables or drafting communications. If you’re an exceptional visual designer, offer to create client facing documents that tell a powerful story and take it above and beyond the standard PowerPoint design.

We can’t always wait for the perfect moment to step up to the plate and sometimes, we have to create our own opportunities. Being self-aware of what you’re good at is important to start communicating with others on what are your strong skillsets. You also have to be proactive and communicate what you’re good at in order to start building that visibility and reputation.

DRESS THE PART

In the in-person space, this was a critical element that spoke about who I was before I opened my mouth. I made sure to invest in a wardrobe that projected the professional and credible image I wanted to convey. I also made sure to invest in pieces like a leather notepad from Amazon, a high quality and professional looking backpack or purse to carry my belongings, and simple but high-end looking pens. This might sound subtle and like no one will notice, but they will. These subtle cues have such a modest investment cost, but they all work together to continue reinforcing your brand and level of professionalism before you speak or even have acquired the skillset.

However, as the world has transitioned virtually, I still find this to be important in other ways. This can include having a blazer on hand for video calls and ensuring you have a clean and professional background. This can also include having proper email signatures and greetings, professional headshots, a detailed LinkedIn profile, etc. Dress the part includes all of the details that aren’t directly tied to your resume or your spoken voice, but to all of the other unspoken elements that provide credibility in the virtual environment. When you’re presenting or on calls with large groups, this is especially important as it reinforces professional visual cues to a larger audience.

MAKE MISTAKES

Seriously, make them. Mess up and then try again. Get rid of the rigid idea that you need to know everything, be everything, and handle everything. Ask questions, do research, and try different approaches. You need to be okay with perfection, good enough, messing up, and everything in between and don’t let yourself get derailed by it. Some projects are going to require your heart and soul and others are just going to require a job well done. Learn to discern between what requires what elements of your energy and when.

I recently worked on a highly technical project that just drove me crazy. I would not understand a word on the calls and I’d be taking notes like crazy, so I could work on it in my off hours. One day, I literally cried on the floor of my office, went out and bought food and a candle, and came back and worked on it until it finally clicked. I tried not to beat myself down for how long it took me to grasp the concept and instead, I focused on a solution oriented mindset that validated how I was feeling while giving me the space to figure it out. THIS IS TOTALLY NORMAL. We are going to get frustrated and overwhelmed and not understand things. Make sure you figure out a way to work through it.

TAKE TIME OFF

I did not take any personal PTO my first year in my first job out of college because I was too scared to ask. This was a massive mistake. What I thought I was saving in time and effort led to an extreme level of frustration and burnout that translated into a bad attitude about my project and work environment. I always associated PTO with elaborate vacations or weekend getaways, but the reality is it can be whatever you want and need to be during that point in time. Regardless of whether it’s spent on an island or in your living room, taking a break from work, deadlines, and deliverables is essential to maintain your sanity and to take advantage of the benefits provided to you in your work environment. So make sure to plan ahead and schedule time off for your mental and professional health.

PUSH BACK

For a long time, I felt like I didn’t have a right to say no or to push back on things. I thought my junior level meant I had to just listen and follow everyone else’s lead. While this is certainly sometimes the case and I’m not implying to storm into the conference room yelling by any means, you do have a right to say no sometimes and to advocate for the kind of work environment you’d like for yourself. Whether this means saying no to taking on overtly demanding projects that are unmanageable for your workload or speaking up when someone tries to take credit for your work, getting used to advocating for yourself is critical to set the tone with others for your professional work boundaries.


FINAL THOUGHTS

I have learned so much throughout my career in the corporate America and have been incredibly successful in this space. However, it’s something that required a lot of additional leg work and preparation to set the stage for continued improvement, firm visibility, and self-advocacy. These tips are some high-level areas that I believe are essential to building your career with a solid foundation and to covering a variety of different core areas.

Must Watch 1950’s Films For Fashion Inspiration

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There are certain films that are a form of immediate visual transportation that envelop you in their era, their style, and their story. For me, the 1950’s has always been a time period of immediate allure and attraction and I am so incredibly drawn to everything about movies filmed during this time. My own personal fashion sense is heavily influenced by the fabrics, silhouettes, and accessories that characterized this era and I find that most people are familiar with some of the big titles like Breakfast At Tiffany’s, but not as familiar with other iconic numbers.

The list below includes three of my favorite films that highlight major Hollywood leading ladies Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, and Marilyn Monroe. These films are selected for their scintillating pictures, decadent fashion, captivating leads, and overall allure. Next time you’re torn on whether to rewatch your favorite show or try something new, take a chance on some of these featured favorites below.

10 Of Grace Kelly's Most Beautiful On-Screen Outfits
Bing Crosby and Grace Kelly in High Society, 1956.
Image featured from Marie Claire.

High Society – 1956

With an absolute knock-out of a cast including Grace Kelly, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby and Louis Armstrong, it sweeps my favorites coming in at number one. If you’re looking for French interior design inspiration, witty banter, divine fashion, musical numbers, and a plot that keeps you invested, you should absolutely start with High Society. The film’s plot centers around Bing Crosby trying to win back the affection of his ex-wife Grace Kelly who is engaged to another man. Toss in Frank Sinatra as a sassy news reporter covering the wedding and you’ve got a whirlwind of a love triangle that leaves you rooting for everyone involved. The entire movie takes place at an enormous French inspired mansion and is infused with ornate decadence, lively jazz music, and over the top extravagant fashion. I’m particularly interested in Grace’s use of accessories and silhouettes that she plays with throughout the different scenes.

This was also Grace’s last film performance before she married into royalty and I’d say it was an excellent note to depart on. Lastly, there is also a ballad that Bing Crosby sings to Sam, Grace Kelly’s character, titled “I Love You, Samantha,” so I might be biased on that note because I adore the song. All in all, I loved it so much that I purchased the film on Amazon Prime and it’s one I always come back to.

High Society Fun Facts:*

  • Grace Kelly, recently engaged to Prince Rainier of Monaco, wore her actual engagement ring for her character’s engagement ring. The engagement ring is a 10.5-carat, emerald-cut, diamond flanked by two baguettes.
  • It is said that Frank Sinatra wanted to be in “High Society” because it allowed him to sing a duet with his childhood idol Bing Crosby.
  • Helen Rose, who designed the costumes, also designed Grace Kelly’s wedding gown for her marriage to Prince Ranier.
  • Features the song Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? which gave the successful TV quiz show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (1999) its title.
You Could Own Audrey Hepburn's Iconic 'Sabrina' Gown | Hollywood Reporter
Audrey Hepburn and William Holden in Sabrina, 1954.
Image featured from The Hollywood Reporter.

Sabrina – 1954

Featuring the timeless Audrey Hepburn, I would say that Sabrina is my favorite of her films during this era. It centers around a young girl whose father works on a large estate for a wealthy family and Audrey has developed a teenage love interest in one of the sons. Her father sends her off to Paris for refinement, culture, and education and she returns as a glamorous, self-secure, icon that no one recognizes at first. There are competing love interests, iconic ballgowns, and again, a luxurious setting and lifestyle portrayed in New York. What I particularly love about this film is her personal growth depicted throughout the movie as she advances from a dramatic and love obsessed adolescent to a refined and fashionable woman who maintains her sense of charming youthful spirit and eagerness for love and life.

This classic black and white film feels traditional in production, but modern in dialogue and casting and I think it’s an excellent transition piece for those who find black and white films daunting. My absolute favorite piece she wears is this iconic black and white ballgown that she wears to the party as her first official appearance after Paris. Overall, I find Audrey to be the most captivating aspect of the film and you cannot take your eyes off of her. Usually known for Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, or Funny Face, Sabrina still stands as my favorite.

Sabrina Fun Facts:*

  • The film began a lifelong association between costume designer Hubert de Givenchy and Audrey Hepburn.
  • This was the second film in a row where Audrey Hepburn gets her hair cut as a symbol of maturity. The first was in “Roman Holiday (1953).” It is also the first of four films in a row where she’d play a character romantically linked with a man old enough to be her father.
  • Audrey Hepburn originally wanted famed couturier Cristbal Balenciaga to design her costumes, but he turned her down.
  • The film snagged six Oscar nominations, including Best Actress, Best Director, and Best Screenplay, winning for Edith Head’s dazzling costumes.
Marilyn & Jane in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. That orange dress is GORGEOUS. | Marilyn monroe fashion, Gentlemen prefer blondes, Marilyn monroe photos
Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russel in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, 1953.
Image featured from Tumblr.

Gentleman Prefer Blondes – 1953

If you’ve ever heard the song “Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend” and wondered where it came from, this would be the original film. Gentleman Prefer Blondes is a saucy film from 1953 featuring Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell as two beautiful showgirls seeking to marry rich. In the film, Marilyn is engaged to a wealthy man whose father disapproves of their union. The father then goes on to hire a private investigator to try and catch Marilyn in activity while on a cruise that would disqualify her from the marriage. The film is bursting with vibrant and upbeat musical numbers, jaw dropping costumes, the American Olympic team of chiseled men, and a hilarious dynamic between the two female stars. There is so much wit and sharp comments jam packed into the scenes and the movie itself is set as a comedy, so there’s always something to keep you entertained.

There is absolutely no denying the iconic nature of the costumes in this piece. These are fashion moments that have inspired numerous modern day artists and Marilyn’s depictions in these scenes are still recognizable today. But it’s the dynamic duo of matching costumes that compliment both actresses that I love. You usually get a solo leading lady in most of the films from this era, but the fact that both characters are always presented as a united front is my absolute favorite detail. Their banter with each other and distinct personalities is just a ball to watch and it’s reflective of their actual friendship in real life.

Gentleman Prefer Blondes Fun Facts:*

  • Marilyn Monroe reportedly suggested the line “I can be smart when it’s important, but most men don’t like it.”
  • When told she was not the star of the film, Marilyn was quoted as saying: “Well, whatever I am, I AM the blonde.”
  • The ship model shown is the one used previously in Titanic (1953) and was refurbished to resemble the SS Ile de France, which is clearly named in the film.
  • The film was a rarity: a Hollywood version of a hit Broadway show that bowdlerized the stage score yet ended up improving on the original. Indeed
  • Gossip columnists tried to create a “feud” between Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell, but the pair got along famously. In her autobiography, Russell credited their fast friendship to their shared zodiac sign (Gemini). 

Final Thoughts

Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, and Marilyn Monroe are household names that depict the timeless glamour of a past age. However, most are unaware of the different roles they took on in Hollywood that created some of the most iconic fashion moments in all of history. While movies like Breakfast at Tiffany’s may take center stage, High Society, Sabrina, and Gentleman Prefer Blondes are all absolute stand-outs that provide a captivating plot, mesmerizing leads, and decadent fashion moments that stand on their own. I draw a lot of my own personal fashion inspiration from these types of films and find myself loving the connection to this time in Hollywood history.

Netflix and Amazon Prime are my go-to’s for viewing these older films and you can usually either rent it for a small price or purchase it for unlimited viewing for under $10.00. It’s absolutely worth the purchase to keep these classic films at your immediate access!

*Please note that all fun facts are derived from the film’s IMDB page and can be accessed via the links featured in the post. The Bolet Collective also has no ownership over the images used in this post and credits the original articles from which they were derived from in the caption.

A Pandemic Parable and Why Some Lessons Are Harder To Learn

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I’m not angry anymore. Well, sometimes I am. I don’t think badly of you. Well, sometimes I do. Depends on the day. – Paramore

The one year anniversary of a global pandemic has weighed on my heart the last few days. I get caught in a swirl of reminders of empty grocery store shelves, flipping through the news channels and sitting in silence trying to process what I’m hearing, of being in company and feeling all alone, stepping out onto my balcony to see helicopters swirling up and down my neighborhood, of joining my community in uproar over the unjust attacks on others. Protests, pandemics, politics, prayers, panic, and pure exhaustion come to mind.

My life one year ago is a 180 from the life I lead today. I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful for my health and for the safety and security of my friends, family, and loved ones. I’m thankful for health insurance and for a job that pays my bills. I’m thankful for having a pet like Luna Mia who brings me immense joy and comfort. But that doesn’t mean it’s been easy to experience or comprehend or that I’ve come out unscathed.

My life a year ago was one of fear and feeling trapped in a variety of situations. It was the realization that I wasn’t sure who I was anymore, I had no idea how I’d strayed so far, and I didn’t know how I’d get out.

As we all experience this global event together, loneliness, confusion, and isolation has been the common thread throughout. There’s only so many virtual meeting rooms that one can sustain before the reality of today’s world leaves us with a massive sense of loss.

The loss of sharing a meal together inside without reaching for a mask every five seconds someone walks past. The loss of office chatter and lunch dates and interactions with strangers on the subway. The loss of sharing birthdays, graduations, funerals, births, and other important life moments with the people we would want to have around us.

The loss of job security, medical insurance, of mental health benefits, the loss of life of our friends and family, the loss of in-person hugs and kisses, and the loss of overall safety. The loss of the little things like seeing a movie on a Tuesday night, going on a date with someone you don’t have to prescreen a million times for safety reasons, of freedom of choice with how and where you’d like to spend your time.

My heart breaks at every statistic of my community losing lives. My heart breaks at every Facebook post raising money for funeral costs or living expenses after a job loss. My heart breaks when kids are forced to play alone at a playground or I have to eat my meal alone inside my car. My heart breaks when I drive past my favorite small businesses shut down or I imagine how difficult it must be to pursue an academic career solely through a computer through some of the best years of college. My heart breaks at every parent having to be a parent, a teacher, an employee, and an emotional support system for others. My heart breaks for all the major life moments and all of the little life moments that are disrupted for myself and for others.

I don’t have the answers.

I’m still angry and upset about things sometimes. And I still get paralyzed by that anger.

I don’t have a list of tips or tricks on how to cope and I’m tired of seeing people post about their cute loungewear and slippers honestly. I’m sometimes more tired than I can even believe, until I realize I’m still processing things from a year ago on top of what’s currently happening everyday.

I don’t have an idea of what the repercussions will be after the dust settles.

What I do have is the understanding that sometimes the most painful processes are necessary for you to find your purpose or your peace. What I do know is that I’ve allowed myself to feel every good, bad, horrible, mundane, and glorious day and to process it all as it comes without suppressing it. What I do know is I now go out of my way to say hello, to connect with people when I can, to compliment a stranger, to support a small business, to reach out to friends and family, to be engaged in conversations, and to hug my dog super tight.

What I do know is that I appreciate a sit down dinner with a friend more than ever. What I do know is that we absolutely have to treat others with kindness, empathy, and respect, but also be selective about who we allow to enter our lives because the lack of social clutter has been eye-opening. What I do know now is that I am enough, regardless of my societal or environmental factors or relationship status.

A couple of weekends ago, I got a coffee from Starbucks in the early morning and walked around the block downtown surrounding my hotel to explore. I came to a crosswalk and there was this huge burst of sunshine that had creeped around a high-rise building and was flooding the area this stranger and I were standing in while we waited for the light to change.

I slightly turned and was just basking in the first big rays I had felt in awhile, but the man next to me thought I was staring at him. We both started talking about how the sun felt on our face and how genuinely incredible it was that it felt like it was just for us. I’m not even kidding. We then just spent a moment in the quiet intersection on a Saturday morning waiting for the crosswalk to turn on and with both of our eyes closed facing the sun. The light changed and we laughed our way down the crosswalk, joking that we were acting like we had never seen the sun before. A quick goodbye and a “have a good day” and we were off.

It made me remember that in the midst of the mess and the chaos and the unknown, there are pockets of time and experiences with others that remind me to slow down and face the sun. That not every moment is without value or meaning just because it looks different from what I’d consider the norm. And that the mundane might just be the most monumental thing of all.

Chicago is thawing and so am I. I’m deciding to shake off the winter and the dust and the frustration this year and pandemiversary has brought on. I’m turning towards the sun, towards others, and towards myself.

And if no one has told you yet, I love you and I’m proud of you for making it through this year.

How to Compliment Others with Confidence

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Let others see the good that you see in them. – Margaret Manning

I am the girl that will stop what she’s doing and compliment your outfit as I’m walking past. If you have a unique face mask and you pop into an elevator with me, I will make sure to let you know. If you were super helpful at my hotel check-in or at the grocery store, I’m the first to say thank you. I love telling my friends that I’m proud of them. I genuinely love giving compliments.

There’s just something about seeing someone’s entire demeanor shift after you call out something positive in them. Maybe it’s the extra pep in their step, but people genuinely transform when they’re acknowledged by strangers and by loved ones in a positive way and that feeling lingers. I didn’t used to always be that way. If I liked something about someone, I kept it to myself or I felt awkward speaking up about it. But being in a pandemic and having such limited interaction with others, I’ve made it a point to always compliment someone in a genuine way when I can.

Sometimes, we want to show the people in our lives that we truly and deeply care about them. But we can’t find the words or we think of high-level compliments like, “Your hair looks great today!” or “Your outfit is super cute!” I’ve put together some of my favorite ways to give thanks or call out positive attributes about someone across different areas of our lives.

To a friend

  • Spending time with you always rejuvenates me and makes me feel great.
  • You have such a contagious and joyful laugh.
  • I’m so proud of you for taking that big idea on.
  • You are such a fun and energetic person to be around.
  • Thank you for being such a great listener.

To a coworker

  • You are so incredibly well-spoken.
  • Your support and involvement in this team makes a big difference.
  • I admire your accountability and attentiveness to our project or meetings.
  • I genuinely enjoy working with you on a routine basis.
  • Your knowledge and expertise on this topic is incredibly helpful.

To a stranger

  • You look absolutely radiant today.
  • You have such a kind smile.
  • You look like you’re having an amazing day.
  • You just made my day.
  • Thank you so much for helping me with that.

To your family

  • I admire how strong you are.
  • Thank you for always being there for me and supporting me.
  • I love spending time with you.
  • You’re an important person in my life.
  • Thank you for always making a point to reach out and say hello.

To your partner

  • You inspire me everyday.
  • I feel like I can always be my authentic self around you.
  • I love the life we are building together and that we both get to be a part of it.
  • I noticed how hard you worked on that and it turned out incredible.
  • Spending time with you is always my favorite. I love it when we get to ________.

To yourself

  • The world is a better place with you in it.
  • You have a gift for _________.
  • I love your willingness to try new things.
  • You’re always learning and always growing and I really admire that about you.
  • I love the way your mind works.

Final Thoughts

It might sound cheesy, but reworking ourselves to speak up on the things we admire about others is important. You never know what others are experiencing or what reservations they had about taking something on and your words could be the additional driver that keeps them going.

It’s also important to remember to accept compliments when they’re given to you and to do so graciously. “Thank you so much! That was so thoughtful of you to say.” “I really appreciate you saying that, thank you.” These are ways we can recognize when we’re being complimented and accept it as part of our own truth without needing to dismiss or downplay when others speak positively about us.

This year has been tough for all of us. Let’s work on building others and making others feel like they’re important.

The Top Four Glamorous Items to Look For When Thrifting

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Growing up, I was never the girl with the latest fashions. My parents prioritized other things financially and I’m thankful for that. But if I wanted to look good, I had to get creative. Thrifting for me started out of necessity, but has continued well past that point. I absolutely love the thrill of finding unique and high quality pieces at an incredible price. I have even furnished entire apartments out of Facebook Marketplace and thrift store finds and the majority of my wardrobe is secondhand by choice.

Today, clothes are built for a season, and not for a lifetime. The clothes I thrift tend to be vintage or from high end consignment stores with a higher level of craftsmanship. Yes, I do still shop at the H&M’s and Zara’s of the world, but I gravitate towards basics and solid colors that I can mix and match with my more eccentric thrifted pieces and I always take advantage of their holiday sales.

I genuinely find so much joy and excitement in the search. I have found Burberry purses shoved in the back of the accessories rack and a Christian Dior two piece suit in the blazer section. I’ve also found high quality new with tags cashmere sweaters for $4.00, a 16 book Harvard Classics collection, and random DVDs of my favorite childhood movies that are not available online. Each of these finds made me so excited to stumble upon them that day.

However, not all items are made alike. In fact, the majority of the items won’t be and it’s why most people get overwhelmed when they initially start thrifting. This is why it’s important to train your eye to know what to look for and where to search first. When thrifting, I tend to look for high quality fabrics, structured craftsmanship, and pristine condition. I can scan a rack without touching anything and I immediately know what is high quality and what isn’t. I’ll select the pieces that stand out or double-check the tags for information on the material breakdown, but 90% of the time, I’m right. However, I’ve also noted that there are certain pieces I’m more likely to find and will therefore pick up more often.

These are my personal favorites.

Silk Scarves

This is my secret to instantly dressing up an outfit or adding a pop of color without committing to anything over the top. I tend to stick to a neutral color palette when I get dressed and specifically love to dress in black and white, but I still like to have fun incorporating some accents here and there. A silk scarf is a luxurious touch to any handbag and can be tied loosely through the bag loop or secured in a floppy bow. It can also be worn tied in a variety of ways around the neck for that extra Parisian flair. Silk scarves make you feel instantly put together, I can’t describe it. My favorite silk scarf that I thrifted was one I picked up in Boston with the names of each US President embedded into the pattern. Today, these luxurious touches are seen less frequently, so wearing them is an instant standout.

Handbags

This could be the large oversized leather totes that I use to carry my work items or the smaller, more formal beaded bags that I use for dinner outings and special dates. Don’t get me wrong, I love designer handbags and they’re absolutely stunning. But at the moment, I’m focusing on saving and investing my money and it’s not the time for me to splurge on a high-end item. I don’t feel like I’m missing out though because I’ve built a vast collection of fun and quirky handbags that match any occasion and that I genuinely always get compliments on. They’re usually always under $10.00 and I love the intricate beading and handles that different bags come with.

Belts

I’m more recently a belt person, but it’s only because I’ve thrifted some truly beautiful belts that instantly level up an outfit. Usually, thrifted belts are made out of a higher quality, as opposed to the synthetic leather commonly seen, and they include real leather or brass elements that give the piece a longer lifetime. I use them to cinch in flowy blouses and dresses for additional definition in the waist or to wrap up a loose jacket in the wintertime. I’ve even used chain belts as the ultimate statement necklace too!

Blazers / Jackets

This is my all time favorite thing to thrift. I have a massive collection of high quality jackets and since I live in the Midwest, they get year round use. I love how a beautiful coat instantly makes an outfit more put together and formal and it adds immediate drama to a look when draped over your shoulders. I especially tend to gravitate to long coats that hit below my hips, so they look even more put together than a short cropped jacket that is seen more frequently today.

In addition, thrifted coats are typically older and have much higher construction quality due to the craftsmanship standard of previous eras. This may be shown with real brass buttons, triple interior linings, wool or other high quality fabrics, and additional structure to the garment. Cheap blazers tend to hang off the body, whereas a high quality vintage one will immediately have structure and presence to it.

Final Thoughts

Thrifting wasn’t as trendy as it is now when I was growing up, but I’m a lifelong advocate for the frugal fashion one can find. I’d much rather spend my money on an investment that will reap additional returns or on a night out with friends or on a weekend vacation. If you’re confused on where to start looking when thrifting, these four areas are an incredible spot to try first. You’re more likely to find high quality items here and once you start training your eye to know what to look for, you won’t have to spend hours sifting through racks of clothing or accessories. You can simply scan and gravitate towards those stellar statement pieces.

For additional styling tips of some of my favorite thrifted pieces, check out my Reels on Instagram @theboletcollective.

Failure is Not The Final Destination – Fail Forward

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My freshman year of college was a year of firsts. My first time living outside of my home. My first time stepping foot inside a sorority and even truly knowing what Greek life was. My first time having a slice of Antonio’s pizza at two in the morning. My first time learning what “icing out” meant. (It’s a U of I thing.)

I also had another monumental first. I failed my first semester of college.

Looking back now, it seems so trivial in the grand scheme of things. But at the time, I remember feeling so overwhelmed and underprepared for both the rigor and freedom that university life brought on. I remember taking a midterm in late September, flunking it, and assuming I had multiple exams throughout the semester to make up for it. It was only after I reviewed the syllabus that I realized that midterm was 30% of my grade and there was not going to be another opportunity to make it up.

Arriving to campus as a journalism major, I was so confident that my future as a news anchor was what I wanted. All it took was plopping down for JOUR101 and hearing the first fifteen minutes of class to start perusing my university website for steps on how to drop a class. I remember feeling so lost on where to go next, especially considering I had four years of coursework up in the air now.

Failing my first semester of college was a massive reality check for me. It pushed me to face my inefficient study habits, my irregular sleep schedule, my misalignment with my proposed major and course of study, and to make a game plan for what I actually wanted to study and accomplish.

Today, I have not one, but two degrees from the University of Illinois. I found my passion in the Political Science department and spent my undergraduate experience interning with an Illinois state senator and government affairs office, making lifelong friends in my sorority, studying abroad in Granada, Spain, and living my best life on a Big Ten college campus. I continued to make Illinois my home, as I pursued my graduate degree in Technology Management and Information Systems in the Gies College of Business. Today, I work with Fortune 100 companies and their C-Suites to solve complex cyber security and data privacy issues.

On one hand, I’m far away from the freshman Sam failing college. On the other hand, I’ve never been closer to her. She is the reason I’m here today.

Failure didn’t deter me or make me feel like I wasn’t capable of handling a university experience. It led me to seek external resources such as tutors, create a study schedule, stay organized, and to build relationships with my professors and teaching assistants. It was a stepping stone to greatness and not the boulder that took me down.

If I were to go back and give advice to freshman Sam, here are some of the things I’d tell her to keep in mind.

STAY ORGANIZED

Whether you prefer digital calendars or a paper planner, having somewhere to document upcoming dates, events, deadlines, and homework assignments is critical. Before you start every class, download and print out the syllabus and make sure you go through and highlight any important call outs and dates to know. This way you won’t get caught off guard when your midterm is three weeks into the class and worth a large chunk of your grade. It’s also important to stay organized and know what your graduation and major requirements are. As someone who changed her major multiple times, this was only possible because I took classes that either overlapped or counted for my overall graduation requirements. Figure out what you need to get the overall degree and then figure out what classes it’s going to take for you to enjoy yourself during the process.

MANAGE YOUR TIME

This was an area I really struggled with. Although my classes were rigorous, there was no one to stop me from staying up until five in the morning and sleeping all day. I could go out with friends and push off my responsibilities and no one was there to tell me otherwise. Learn how to manage your time and account for the fun times and the academic ones. I learned that I liked having my classes bulked in the morning because I could go and get them out of the way, take a nap when I got home, and work on homework or relax later. Making a plan and figuring out my own preferences was critical to getting this down.

SEEK RESOURCES

College is the one time in your life where you are constantly surrounded by free resources to help you succeed. There are always professor office hours, peers that have taken the class before and can provide support, teaching assistants to answer questions, libraries to pull research from, etc. If you don’t get something, odds are there’s a resource out there to help you. Take advantage of this and don’t be shy! I showed up to so many informational meetings, office hours, free lunches with a speaker, etc. but I loved being able to use these resources.

GET TO KNOW YOUR FACULTY

Remember that exam I told you I failed in the beginning? Well, I ended up working my butt off and received an A- on the final. My TA knew how much work I had put into studying because I was constantly asking him questions and coming in for office hours, so he hand-wrote me a note on my exam that said he was proud of my improvement and to keep going. This was a major deal because it was a lecture hall kind of class with over 300+ students. I kid you not, I saved that exam with that note and still have it today. I also ended up taking every single Political Science course he was a TA for because I knew I enjoyed his teaching style and we had built a good relationship. This was only possible because I made it a point to get to know my professors and to reach out to them when I was visibly struggling.

FAILURE IS NOT THE FINAL STOP

Failing a class or a semester is not the end all be all. Routine behavior that doesn’t honor your academic responsibilities over an extended period of time is. It’s okay to not be great at every single class or to nail every single exam. There were some classes where I was just happy to pass. But study hard, try your best and move on. You can always take an easier class to bump up your GPA if need be or do a grade replacement course if it’s offered.

Final Thoughts

As an adult, you don’t remember that horrible final in ECON203 or that difficult essay for your Religion class. (I’m looking at you Intro to Buddhism 101.) You remember that you made the best of your college experience, tried hard, stayed honest with yourself, and fought for the grades and opportunities you know you deserved. I ended up graduating on the Political Science Honor society and going off to get my graduate degree from the Gies College of Business in Technology Management and Information Systems. Sometimes, I’ll sit back and think “Oh yeah, that did happen”… and then I move on with my life. Being the first in my family to enter the American academic system was not without its challenges, but I made the best with what I had. The idea of “failing forward” is the recognition that we’re all to fail at some point. We’re never going to get everything right on the first try and that’s okay. Fail in the direction of where you want to go, learn from your mistakes, and keep trying until you get it right. For me, failure was not the end of the world, but there was a lot of work that went into making sure that was the case.

What You Need To Know About Your Personal Finances

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Let’s talk money. And let’s be real with ourselves. Do you know what your financial profile looks like? Do you know what you should be looking for? Are you planing for your financial future? In all sincerity, when I first started my first job out of graduate school, I didn’t know a lot about this. My benefits package felt like a pile of paperwork written in a different language and I didn’t register for my 401K for an entire year because I was too scared and felt overwhelmed by all of the legal and financial jargon.

Get yourself in the habit of asking, does this decision support the life I am trying to create?

Sometimes, I would avoid looking at my bank account and just Russian roulette my debt card at the cash register to see if it would go through. These are definitely not my proudest moments, but I learned a lot from them. Specifically, I’ve learned that I cannot let my fear or unfamiliarity on a topic stop me from pursuing financial wellness and that denial or ignorance is not a place I want to continue to live my life from.

As we discuss what financial attributes are important to know, here are some of the major areas that you should be aware of to have a better understanding of your financial profile. Please keep in mind I am not a finance professional and this information is purely for informative or entertainment purposes and should not be seen as professional advice. Any action you take from this article is at your own risk.

For further information around disclaimers, please view our disclaimer page here.

Your credit score

This is an excellent starting point to determine an overall estimate of your financial profile, as it provides a record of your open and closed accounts, payment history, potential collections, and more. A credit score is a number within the ranges of 300-850 that determines your credit risk profile, as well as your financial habits such as payment history and overall debt load. This credit score number is vastly important because it can dictate your eligibility for affordable student loan interest rates, eligibility for apartments for rent or for purchase, and approval for automobile purchases.

Thankfully, there are a few ways to find out what your credit score is. One is by reaching out to the three credit bureaus online and asking for a free annual report. The three major credit bureaus are TransUnion, Equifax, and Experian. Two, and my personal favorite, is to access a bank account or credit card account that provides rough estimates of your credit score on a monthly basis for free. Chase, Discover, and Citibank all currently have monthly credit reports that are generated and linked to your account. You will not receive any penalties for checking your account through these.

The importance of knowing your credit score is that it’s a starting point for you to determine what your financial picture looks like.

Your student loan amount and interest rates

If you do not have student loans, feel free to skip this section! But if you’re like me, you came out of college with a significant amount of student loans and had no idea how to even begin understanding what you owed, how fast it was accruing, and at what interest rate. This can be further broken down in a different blog post, but for now, you can look at your credit score under accounts to see what different lenders are linked to your profile.

In the instance you only have one lender, perhaps a common lender such as Great Lakes, you can create an account on the Great Lakes website and login to find out these data points. They can provide more information about your specific loan breakdown, repayment periods, auto pay discounts, and different interest rates. It’s important to recognize your overall student loan debt and the varying interest rates that you might be juggling to make a game plan for repayment.

For example, since I took out loans during different time periods of my college career, I had over five different interest rate amounts with my student loan provider. Calculating what my highest and lowest rates were and determining how much I was paying in annual interest alone was a huge wake up call. Knowing this number and having a tangible understanding of my total debt picture allowed me to look at refinancing options and other methods of bringing my principal balance down. This was only possible by doing research on my student loan profile and getting clear on who I owed and what I owed.

Your monthly budget

Sincerely, this one has always been tough for me and it’s something I’m continuously working on. As I first started my post graduate life, I threw all of my money to student loans and to traveling and expensive Ubers. I figured I was being responsible by making large sum payments on my student loans, so I earned the flexibility on other areas of my life. Wrong! While it’s not about earning versus not earning fun purchases, it’s about having a game plan that honors your savings, debt repayment, and overall budgeting goals before you dig into your money pot to spend it on unnecessary things.

As I’ve progressed into adulthood, working with a financial planner was incredibly helpful. He provided guidance and a strong starting point for truthfully evaluating my spending habits, my debt repayment goals, my savings for retirement and emergency fund goals, and other milestones I wanted to account for.

In addition, setting a rough budget gives me a mental allocation to my finances once they hit my account. Instead of seeing xxx amount of money and thinking about what I could buy or do, I think about my other obligations first and then come to a more realistic number for my “fun” budget. I also give value to each dollar that hits my account and know where it needs to be allocated to reach my objective. I’ll budget money for shopping or food or other extras, but I primarily make sure my financial commitments are covered first.

Your financial goals

As we mentioned earlier when discussing a proper budget, it’s important to do so because it enables you to reach your financial goals. Failure to plan is a plan to fail. These goals can vary person to person, but can include things like paying off an X amount of your student loans in three years, investing into your 401K or Roth IRA, setting money aside for a big trip or weekend getaway you’d like to take, or putting money away for a three to six month emergency fund.

Your needs may vary, but defining what exactly those needs are and how your current financial profile can meet them is imperative. I’ve found by doing this, I also create a level of tangible accountability for myself where instead of saying “Oh, I’d like to pay off my loans one day”, it’s “I have a goal of paying off 10% of my overall student debt in the next three years and this is the monthly payment I need to reach that goal.” Having that specific goal keeps me on track and makes sure that I honor my personal commitments.

Don’t forget to create fun financial goals as well! Even if it’s a weekly coffee fund or a rainy day fund, give yourself something to look forward to when you’re saving. Once you do get the chance to treat yourself, it’ll feel even better because you know you’re doing it in a responsible way.

Your amount of consumer debt

Credit cards! Points! Travel perks! There are so many wonderful things that credit cards can provide if they’re used appropriately and paid off on a regular basis. But what happens when we outspend what we make and we find ourselves paying massively high interest rates on racking credit card debt?

First of all, it’s important to know how many accounts you have open. Again, you can use your credit score as a starting point to identify what is under your name. Second, you need to find out what is the balance on each of these accounts. Third, you need to evaluate what amount of interest rates are you accruing monthly.

I know it’s easy to get up to the register for a big purchase or even multiple small ones and swipe your card thinking you’ll deal with it later. But then later comes and it’s at the cost of a 28.99% APR and all of a sudden, you’re not sure how you’re going to pay things down.

Knowing your consumer debt profile gives you a starting point and an opportunity to assess where you could be prioritizing making minimum payments versus higher amounts for faster repayment so that you can eliminate them as soon as possible.

Your net worth

Lastly, the previous metrics all come together to compile what is known as your net worth. If it’s negative, don’t fret! You may be working with large amounts of students loans that your savings won’t be able to balance out yet. That’s okay, but having an understanding of what this number overall looks like is an excellent starting point to make a game plan. Your net worth is a wholistic picture of your debts, investments, and savings and provides a picture of your financial and non-financial assets minus your liabilities.

Once you have an idea of what your net worth calculation is, you can begin to make a strategy. What areas do you want to focus on first? Do you have an emergency fund? Can you refinance your student loans for a more competitive interest rate? Can you commit to making larger payments on your consumer debt?

You can calculate this net worth manually with pen and paper and breaking down your financial responsibilities. There are also financial monitoring and planning apps like Mint that automatically calculate this for you based on the accounts that you link to the application.

Final thoughts

The idea behind knowing these six key financial attributes isn’t meant to scare you. On the contrary, it’s meant for you to have a clear awareness of what your financial profile is and how you can get started on enhancing it for your future.

It is never too early to start thinking about your financial security and it’s especially important when you start to earn your own money and can make advancements on your financial objectives.

Please note that I am not a financial professional and this is meant to be informative and all information provided here is meant to be taken at your own risk. This is not considered financial advice and is meant for entertainment or informative purposes only.

How a Peony Shortage Sparked a Conversation Around Self-Love and Self- Care

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It all started with a local request for recommendations on where to find peonies during the Chicago winter season between two Instagram content creators. Peonies are a gorgeous full bloom floral that are usually mostly prevalent during the spring time. After seeing her post and responding that they weren’t currently in season, we started to have a conversation regarding floral seasons, the best spots to pick up affordable bouquets, and how the floral inventory was being impacted by COVID shipping and availability. As two avid flower fanatics, we had a lot to say on the matter. What we didn’t expect was that what started as a simple inquiry around flowers blossomed into a conversation between two strangers around self-love, self-care, and self-awareness.

Flowers are usually seen as tokens for special occasions. Maybe it’s to celebrate a promotion or a graduation or a birthday or a house warming party. Maybe it’s to show a loved one you care or to surprise someone on a Sunday or to flatter someone on a first date. But flowers can also be a gesture of radical self-love and self-care. One that states you don’t need a special occasion or someone else to remind you that you are worthy of gorgeous gestures for yourself, no matter how small or big.

“You know, it’s just the little things that make your heart smile. Walking past a bouquet on the counter. On the dining table. You feel loved.” – Taiyes Balcony

As we continued to discuss what this small act of kindness to one’s self meant, I checked my phone notifications. There were two Instagram notifications. One for Taiyes messages and another for an account called “The Peony Collective” that was just now having an Instagram live. The serendipity of it all felt too symbolic to brush off.

I felt even further drawn to the conversation and reflected on my own relationship with gestures of self love.

Aren’t we deserving of gorgeous gestures? Aren’t we the luxury? Aren’t we the special occasion? Why should we await to be gifted something that is both accessible and decadent at the same time? Shouldn’t we treat ourselves the way we aspire to be treated?

Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of reserving certain things for special occasions. If I were to have my Christmas tree up year around, I can’t imagine it would be the same as the giddy flutters I feel unwrapping my ornaments as Frank Sinatra plays in the background in a snowy December. But for things that are not bound seasonally, that are accessible, that are luxurious and feminine and delicate, why should we walk past the floral aisle in the grocery store without picking something up for ourselves?

The conversation continued. A moment of vulnerability was sprinkled in a comment around how self-love sets the tone for how we get treated by others. She continued to state that she had made a few mistakes, but had worked on herself and was better for it.

She had the perfect audience.

I jumped at the opportunity and immediately shared my own experience with this. I shared how I had left a relationship that had inevitably drained me entirely of my self-confidence and self-respect. Mutually, we both ached and resonated with the personal battles the other had faced under similar circumstances. An hour ago, we were strangers. An hour later, we were not.

“I think the best thing we can do is realize we have our entire lives for external companionship and partnership. This may be the last few years we have in true solitary and in true independence to do what we want when we want and how we want. We have to romanticize that and remember we are not without, we are within. ” – The Bolet Collective

The conversation stemmed over the hour. We talked about the small acts of kindness and distraction that are necessary to work through a tired and broken heart. We talked about the fact that there’s no set timeline or milestone that one reaches when working through something like this. We talked about the people in our lives that gave us the emotional support and the small things we did to be our own support. We talked about divorce rates during COVID and the delicate line between embracing someones flaws and quirks and tolerating qualities that exceed flaws because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do. We shared resources, sent photos of books we had read to facilitate the process, and sent links to blog posts that mirrored our experiences.

I joined my family for dinner later and couldn’t shake the conversation. How did two strangers strike a conversation over flowers and then land on something so delicate, vulnerable, and real? As I continued to mull it over, the irony of the proximity of Valentine’s Day being three days away was not lost on me. We were being bombarded with at home date ideas, couples photoshoot styling, and dinner for two advertisements. Buying flowers for yourself with the sole intent of being the only person that saw them on your way to the kitchen was a small act of rebellion.

The flowers were the tiny pièce de résistance to a society that kept telling you love is only romantic. Love can be whatever you want it to be. It can be love with a friend, a beloved pet, a mentor, a neighbor, a stranger on the street, or love to one’s self. By this definition, you might already be living the most romantic life possible without even realizing it.

We’re in a pandemic and every day is a luxury and we need to start acting like it. As Taiyes said, “One day, we will be free and everything will be in abundance.” I know that this will be the case and I cannot wait for that day. The day when I can go to a movie theater for a screening, have a large group of friends out at dinner, have the choice to work in the office or at home or at a coffee shop, travel without worry. But until then, we will continue to treat ourselves like the ultimate luxury and give ourselves the right to pursue a life full of abundance regardless of the current circumstances.

One day, you’ll receive flowers for every special occasion. But for now, you can also create that luxury moment and remember you are the special occasion.

Next time, don’t just stop and smell the roses. Buy the peonies, get a gorgeous vase, spend a thoughtful moment arranging them, and remind yourself that you are worthy of gorgeous gestures rooted in self-love and self-care.