The Bolet Collective

For the modern woman seeking personal empowerment, professional development, and the luxurious life moments that happen in between.

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Are Pageants Even Relevant To The Modern Woman Today?

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Okay, I drew you in with the title, but the answer is yes. I won’t even beat around the bush or sugar coat it. Yes a million times. I’ll tell you why. When I was thirteen years old, I received a letter in the mail from an organization called National American Miss. It was a pageant for young girls that focused on evening gown, public speaking, community service, and interview as its competition categories. My parents had no idea what to do with the begging pre-teen who was asking to go to the open call, but eventually they gave in.

We packed up the minivan a couple weeks later and headed to the hotel listed on the invitation and entered the hotel ballroom. I don’t even remember what happened that day. I don’t even remember why or how I was mailed that invitation when I had never participated in pageants before. All I remember is the letter, the hotel parking lot, and the moment I put my deposit down to compete for the title of Miss Illinois Jr. Teen.

Fast forward 12 years later, I am a twenty six year old professional. I have competed in numerous pageants growing up, I acted as a coach for my younger sister when she started to compete, and I ending up winning the Miss Illinois Teen title on my fifth and final year of eligibility. Five years!! I was having an out of body experience when they called the winner out of eighty girls that I didn’t even realize they called my name. I was the first ever Miss Lake in the Hills, I won Miss McHenry County and won Best in Speech and Communications at the Miss Illinois pageant with a speech I wrote in my hotel room the night before. My sister began competing and I coached her from not placing at all at a local Miss Chicago pageant to placing First Runner-up at the Miss Illinois Pre-Teen competition. Pageants are a family affair too, my entire family would coordinate their wardrobe with our evening gowns and if I was the most nervous person in the room, my parents were the second. I have traveled all over the country for pageants with my mom and it has become a longstanding girls weekend tradition for us.

So in short, yes, I am big believer on the relevancy of pageants. Here’s why.

“I am a standing advocate for the professional, personal, and purpose driven elements of pageantry that have molded me into the woman I am today.”

The life skills that I learned in pageants have propelled me in my life and set me up for success in a variety of areas of the real world. They have forced me to define and organize my sense of self, advocate for others, win gracefully, lose gracefully, and have fun in between. I’ve learned that zippers have a mind of their own when you’re backstage and need to zip a dress. I have made life long friends with women I have traveled the country with, learned from, and networked with. I have asked myself difficult questions about what I stand for and I have also answered questions about what kind of shoe I would be. (Silly question, but it’s actually a personality based one.)

Professional

A critical element of every pageant is the interview portion. However, it’s not your typical job interview of twenty to thirty minutes or even an hour long. No. The judges have approximately anywhere between one minute (if it’s a round table and you speak to each judge individually) to five minutes if it’s a panel. This means you need to be efficient, communicative, authentic, and inspiring within the span of the time it might take most of us to brush our teeth in the morning. It means there is no time to fumble or ask for a second question or take time to think through things. Your A game is the only option. You spend months preparing accordingly.

Another critical element of the pageant is public speaking. Whether it’s in the form of an on-stage question or a spokesmodel section of the competition, you need to master your stage presence and your articulation when addressing hundreds of people. You usually have a time limit with these as well, so the same challenge of timely and thoughtful communication comes into play at a grander level, especially when addressing societal issues and challenging topics.

There is no job that I can think of that wouldn’t benefit from confidence in the interview room or in a public speaking environment. As pageant girls, we are skilled at commanding the attention of a room and do so with confidence at a very young age. I personally have benefitted from these skills and do not get intimidated by interviews in the workplace.

Personal

When you’re a pageant girl, you’re a competitor. It’s not the fun reality, but the fact of the matter is that there’s one crown and a number of girls vying for it. However, this does not mean you don’t learn how to compete and how to make friends at the same time. I have built lifelong friendships with women I competed with for years. When one of us would win, there was a genuine excitement that her dreams had come true for her because we knew the journey it had taken to get there.

One of my absolute favorite things is watching the little girls who competed at the same time as me grow up to be amazing teenagers and young women. These are girls that have their own charities, foundations, national platforms, honor roll placements, etc. I have even traveled to Miss USA and Miss Universe with friends I met through pageantry, years after we stopped competing. This balance of preparing for the crown, but also enjoying the competition is an incredibly valuable attribute to have in real life. It teaches you grace, humility, and the fact that we should cheer for others until it’s our turn.

Although pageants are an incredibly public event, the bulk of the work is internal and personal. It’s months of practice on your own running through interview questions, defining your brand, eating healthy and working out, deciding what stances you’ll take on societal issues, etc. It’s being honest with yourself, practicing self discipline and self love, and believing that you are worthy of the pursuit of a title. This isn’t always easy and it can sometimes be challenging to think through what you stand for or why you deserve to win, but at the end of the day, it’s incredibly rewarding to have an understanding of why you’re there.

Purpose

I always laugh when people ask how I prepare for a pageant and assume it’s all shopping and dress fittings. Usually, that’s the last step you engage in as a competitor. Before you find the gown, you need to find the girl. You need to discover who you are, what you’re passionate about, how you’d like to create a legacy and give back to your community, what kind of titleholder you’d like to be, etc.

I just recently attend a pageant prep workshop and the main theme of the weekend was defining your why. Why are you competing? Why are you a strong representative? These are questions that outside of a pageantry context might seem strange to ask, but they have actually always spurred a sense of purpose in me. It urges me to consider the type of person I want to be and the type of leader I want to be. It forces me to address my own limitations and insecurities that say I’m not good enough or I’m not ready. It forces me to make a plan, define a strategy, and do daily work to reach that goal.

At the pageant prep workshop, there were floor markers that indicated “You belong here.” While these were in reference to COVID social distancing efforts, I found myself truly thinking. Did I belong there? Did I still have the pageant girl in me? Was I in over my head? Was I tall enough, was I small enough, was I enough period? It had been almost seven years since I had last competed in a pageant and although I was always interested, I kept putting off getting back into pageantry. Year after year, I made an excuse and I counted myself out before I could even jump into things.

In fact, at the end of the weekend, when prompted how I had felt about the day, I began to cry. At first, I felt embarrassed and caught off guard at my reaction. Seriously, I was fine one second and having a Kim Kardashian crying moment the next. But upon further reflection, I realized that I had forgotten what it felt like to truly believe in myself and to find myself worthy of things that were thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Working with my coaches at Pink Door Prep propelled me to address this in a mock pageant session and bring this sentiment to the forefront. Their authenticity, grace, and empathy in their response to my reaction just further reinforced to me that I was in the right room with the right people and that I needed to start believing that I was the right person too. Sometimes, we get lost in all of the glitz and the glamour and the flash. What it boils down to ultimately is, “Am I doing this for myself?”

I have dealt with a lot of various insecurities my whole life and they were rearing their head now that I was putting myself out there again. I had not competed in such a long time and the process of defining my why was not something that I was used to practicing in my adult life. Being pulled back into the pageant arena, I realized this and began to value the person I’ve become and felt a sense of purpose to push through my fear and go for it anyways.

Final thoughts

Pageantry has truly defined who I am and I’m a pageant girl loud and proud. But it’s not always easy. There are years without placements in the Top 5, years where you run into catty contestants (and their moms honestly), years where you 150% believe you can win and plan like no other and still lose, years where you prepare and still make silly mistakes that cost you the crown, and years where you feel burnt out and over it. I remember one year where I lost the title by half a point and just sat in the car ride home silently fuming and looking out the window like a drama queen. But this is like any other environment and honestly, this is like life. You win some, you lose some, but you make the best out of it regardless.

Pageantry is an all encompassing experience that encourages women to put their best foot forward in literally all aspects. Professional, personal, and purpose driven elements are at core of the modern pageant woman today. Pageantry encourages sportsmanship, community impact, self awareness, a stellar wardrobe, professional presence, refined public speaking skills, and the belief in one’s self that yes, you can do it. Modern women today have the ability to choose what they stand for and pageantry is a platform to showcase this. It may not be for everyone, and that’s okay. The Super Bowl isn’t for everyone and I’ve learned that I don’t defend myself to people who are set on misunderstanding the value of pageants. But for those that do understand and welcome it, you’re in for a life changing experience.

And remember, you belong here.

26 Things I Learned By My 26th Birthday

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Twenty six. Twenty six years to define my life. Twenty six opportunities to blow out candles. Twenty six Happy Birthday songs. Birthdays are always a big deal for me. Every year, I throw a big party or dinner with my friends and make the most out of my special day. A pandemic birthday feels different. Notable, but not in the traditional sense. It feels more intimate, more personal. It feels like cozy dinners, fresh flowers, and moments of gratitude to appreciate life. When you’ve made your way around the sun twenty six times, you pick up a thing or two. Here are my twenty six favorites.

  1. Your strength and self-respect are yours. Never give those things away.

2. Eating healthy is a priority and you can make healthy meals fun and enjoyable. You don’t need to be obsessed with intricate two hour long recipes or with every single vegetable available. (I’m looking at you, eggplant and arugula.) Find what you like and stick to it if that’s what works for you.

3. You can and should trust your own instincts more. Asking for feedback from friends and family can be important, but it’s not always necessary. You’re the one that has to deal with the results of your decisions, so check-in with how you’re feeling about things first before you start crowd sourcing how others think you should feel or react.

4. You can usually tell whether or not you’re compatible with someone or would like to see them again within the first five minutes of talking to them. Trust this feeling. If some guy rubs you the wrong way and you’re hoping it was just an oversight, it usually isn’t. Save yourself the time and move along.

5. Saying no in the workplace will not make you any less like-able. Saying yes to work you cannot or do not want to take on and then having a bad attitude or stressful day because of it will. Honor your commitments when you make them, but also be selective and honest with what you take on. Practice self advocacy.

6. Having a pet of your own will bring you an immense amount of joy, peace, comfort, and responsibility. It will also include lots of Boston Terrier farts and ruined heels and shoes. Plan accordingly, but also relish in the fact that you’re taking care of a tiny little being that adores you and is your best friend.

7. Participating in gossip is a murky trait that you do not want to be a part of. Do not be shy to shut down comments from others that are malicious or backhanded and don’t speak about people privately in ways that you wouldn’t speak publicly to them.

8. No relationship, friendship or romantic, is EVER worth your mental sanity. If it’s causing you unnecessary stress and they’re not having a healthy response to conflict resolution, then goodbye and good riddance. Sometimes, their energy is just rubbing you the wrong way and you can’t figure out why. Don’t stick around to find out, just leave it at that and move along.

9. Just because you have access to financial funds does not mean they’re available for whatever purpose you feel like. Plan, prioritize, and protect your money. You won’t regret paying down debts, building up savings, and investing in your future. You are worthy of financial stability and success.

10. Red flags are red flags are red flags are flags that are 100% red. They are not any less of a red flag just because someone had a traumatic upbringing or they are good looking or they are insecure and don’t know how to handle their own emotional turbulence. You cannot fix or change someone that is not motivated to be a better version of themselves for themselves. Move along. Immediately.

11. You can be an introvert and an extrovert. You can equally love and sing to every Frank Sinatra and Cardi B song. You can be the pageant girl and the captain of the debate team and the cyber security boss. You don’t have to define yourself or your personality or interests into any strict category. Like what you like, love what you love, this is your life.

12. Your siblings and cousins that you grew up with are all going to turn into amazing young adults and incredible friends to lean on and build with. Support one another and stay close.

13. Setting boundaries and pushing back when people violate them isn’t being rude. It’s your right to accept or deny what you allow into your life. When people get defensive or accusatory, it’s usually because they were benefitting from your loose boundaries previously and are angry at the change or pushback. That is not your problem.

14. It took you 26 years to build your talents, skillsets, heart, and confidence and five years of university to get your degrees. Don’t expect overnight returns on your initial investments. Great things take time and it’s okay to take an extended break to work on yourself or to let projects take time to gain traction. Don’t give up.

15. Support and celebrate others, even if you’re not there yet. Being inspired and excited for someone’s special life moments and being jealous and spiteful are two experiences worlds apart. Truly take the time to celebrate a friend’s promotion, new baby, new marriage, or whatever it may be, even if their personal milestones look different from yours.

16. Working on your communication skills, both written, verbal, and non-verbal, is the most important skillset you can learn for any career. Learning how to speak with confidence, write with eloquence, and stand with elegance are all things you can carry with you wherever you go.

17. Set goals. And don’t just set what you think you can achieve. Push yourself to think about your craziest life passions and dreams. Articulate these through journals, vision boards, notes in your iPhone, sticky notes around your home, Pinterest boards, wherever. Manifestation and energy is constantly there. Attract and expect the very best.

18. Somedays, you just won’t feel like doing life. That’s totally fine and expected. Take the day off, put on your favorite musicals, clean your room, buy flowers, order your favorite meal, get some sleep, and just chill out. You can try again tomorrow. And the day after that.

19. There is never going to be a point in your life where you won’t be a work in progress or figuring certain things out. Each year and stage of your life will require a refined version of you and it’s okay to be redefining what that looks like and who that is.

20. Social media is a wonderful, wonderful thing. But you don’t need to have every single kind of account. Pick your favorites, monitor your usage, limit your comparison to others, and remember to still enjoy your life offline. That’s the one that counts anyways.

21. Don’t count yourself out before you even allow yourself to play the game. Why shouldn’t you have your dream job? Your dream relationship? Your dream life? You deserve it and you will continue to work hard for it. It’s never too late and you are always worthy of the opportunity. Don’t set your own personal limitations and say “I can’t do that.” Say “why not me?”

22. You love to overdress. You love to wear false lashes on a regular basis. You love over the top decorations and parties and personalities. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than or uncomfortable because of that. There are people out there that will show up to a brunch in a polka dot fur coat and there are people that will snicker behind her back about it. Be friends with the girl in the polka dot fur coat.

23. Barely passing Algebra in high school and Accounting in graduate school does not make you any less brilliant and won’t be something you remember ten years from now. It’s just not your favorite thing. Get a tutor, pass the class, and run off to your liberal arts classes and professors. They’re more fun anyways.

24. Ask a ton of questions, take a lot of notes, do a ton of research, talk to a lot of people that are doing the things you want to be doing. You are so lucky to live in a time period where the internet provides access to an abundance of information and networks. Use it! On that same note, pay it forward when people ask you lots of questions and talk to you about the things you’re doing or have done.

25. How you greet someone and how you say goodbye to someone are both equally important. Be genuine, authentic, and warm and make others feel that warmth.

26. Twelve year old Sam would have been proud of the person you became.

Have I The Courage To Change?

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“I am under no obligation to make sense to you.” SZA

Let’s talk about change. Not your pocket change, but the true, uncomfortable, deeply rooted, sometimes necessary and personal type of change. Some people thrive in the space of personal reinvention and welcome the daily fluctuations this lifestyle brings. Others might be hesitant and constantly waiting for the perfect time, opportunity, resource, partnership etc. to materialize, so that they can ensure their personal change is without risk. Or they might be waiting for others to take the leap before them.

At different points in my life, I fell under the second category. I kept myself defined by how others saw me or by the things I was interested in or how I was in college or by the things I thought my age, demographic, career, etc. should be defined by. For some reason, I didn’t allow myself to redefine or reevaluate the person that I woud like to become once I was out in the ‘real world’ and had the time, freedom, and resources to do so. I thought that the person that I had been before was always going to be the person I had to be and that I was in too deep with my decisions or life choices to pick differently. Or, I thought this is what everyone else my age is doing or thinking about or acting on and I wouldn’t even question it.

However, it quite literally took a global pandemic to force me to change my life entirely. Once I realized COVID was not going to have the quick resolution we had all hoped for, I had no other choice but to make moves anyways. This state of society forced me to reevaluate so many different elements about my own life that I had not questioned or was entirely unhappy with. It pushed me in the direction of discomfort, saying no more often, putting myself out there, and redefining what I wanted my potential future life to look like.

The rest of the world was on hold. There would never be a time like this again.

I wondered to myself…

“Was I happy in my current environment? Was I doing the best I could to be taking care of my mental and physical health? Was I ignoring certain realities because I was too scared to address the consequences? Were my relationships fulfilling and healthy? Was I taking too much on at work? Was I still excited about the things that used to make my heart happy? Was I trying so hard to be everything to everyone while not taking time to check-in with myself?”

For my personal growth process, I needed to ask myself difficult questions. I needed to sit down and be honest with myself and I needed to feel my emotions before I was able to heal them. I needed to be okay with leaving entire elements of my life behind and I needed to be okay with the fact that I didn’t know what my new life would look like or how long it would take before I felt comfortable again.

As I continue this personal process of change, I’ve realized a few things that have become my reality. Change is not a self-care weekend or a face mask or a new outfit. It’s working on yourself, on your relationships, on your career, on your past, present, and future and making a game plan for what you want out of life. It’s coming to terms with what you like and don’t like about yourself and figuring out what you’re going to do about it. It’s about making the decision to be intentional about your life and what you will demand out of it.

It’s okay to take time off to work on yourself. Not just a day, or a weekend, but a few months or even a year if that’s what you need. It’s okay if this time is spent alone. It’s okay if your current energy levels cannot sustain the person that you used to be. You’re allowed to abandon who you were last year, last month, or last week.

“You have the right to change. Without notice, without permission, and without someone else’s validation.”

At the end of the day, people can only understand you from their own level of perception. You don’t need to over explain yourself when you’re undergoing a process of personal reflection and evolution. And quite frankly, I didn’t even know how to verbalize what I was feeling to myself, let alone to others. If you run into this push back during your own process of change, simply state your boundary and whatever it is you’re comfortable contributing and leave it at that. Those who respect your process, even if they don’t understand it, will recognize this and will extend their support for you whenever you’re ready to take it. It’s okay if others get angry. It’s okay if they feel entitled to the old version of you. It’s okay if this conversation with them feels uncomfortable. Do not take it personally. People can only understand you from their own level of perception. Be kind, hold your head high, and continue doing what you know is right for you.

If there is anything I have truly learned from this pandemic, it’s the fact that nothing is guaranteed. If you keep people pleasing and putting off your goals and aspirations or making excuses that limit your own potential, who is to say the opportunity will present itself again? Maybe you’re already the person you want to be. Maybe you’re still working on becoming that version of yourself. Maybe you didn’t even realize that you wanted to change and now you’re considering what that might look like for you. Wherever you’re at, please remember you have the right to be whoever and whatever the heck it is you want to be.

Being truly happy, feeling personal peace, obtaining true fulfillment. These are all very personal processes that have nothing to do with others, so don’t get caught up with how others will perceive this. You have the right to change, to evolve, to decide who and what you want to be. Do you, for you, and by your own standards.

Valentine’s Day At Home Guide – Amazon Edition

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Be my Valentine? February is absolutely one of my favorite months. The entire city is always donned in pink and red decorations, coffee cups always have hearts on them, and you can’t beat the plethora of sweets, cupcakes, and Valentine’s Day candy. While some might associate Valentine’s Day with primarily romantic love, I always use February 14th to celebrate all the loves of my life. This includes my friends, my family, my pup, and myself. My mom and I always do a steak dinner together or order a heart shaped deep dish pizza to celebrate and when I was in college, I would mail Valentine’s Day cards to my parents too.

As we consider the limitations that COVID might place on celebrations, I urge you to celebrate yourself this Valentine’s Day, regardless of your current relationship standing. What better place to start than a gift guide catered to cozy and luxurious nights at home. I’ve put together a list of some of my favorite Amazon finds that make me feel glamorous, comfortable, and grateful and that I hope can bring you similar sentiments at an affordable price! They’re also perfect gifts for a sister, a girlfriend, a bestie, or a mom you’d love to treat on this special holiday and are a quick Amazon Prime delivery away.

1. Champagne Satin Shorts Pajama Set

If there’s anything that makes me feel instantly put together, it’s a matching pajama set. Now if that pajama set is a gorgeous champagne color with thin black trim and matching buttons? Then you best believe I am on my way to the best sleep of my life and no one can stop me.

2. Dainty Gold Initial Necklace

Personally, I love statement earrings but when it comes to necklaces, I prefer something more muted and simple. This necklace is a perfect touch on its own or paired as a layering piece with other gold chains. I love the tiny whisper of an initial and how it looks resting against bare skin or over a turtleneck. You cannot go wrong with this one!

3. Millefleur Soy and Wood Wick Candle

Scent is an important element of relaxation and one of my favorite scents is sandalwood. This handcrafted candle is made out of a soy vegan base with a sandalwood fragrance and a wood wick. The wood wick leads to a longer burn with a satisfying crackle sound that happens when the candle is lit as well. In addition, the packaging and ribbon accent is absolutely gorgeous and would make a wonderful gift for someone.

4. Woven Fringe Throw Blanket

In the spirit of staying home, this is the perfect fringe throw to have tossed over a couch for when you want to watch a movie and stay warm. I love the subtlety of the quilted pattern across the blanket and the fringe trim makes it a nice accent for display as well. It’s also light enough to store for a trip to the park for a picnic base, which is always my personal favorite use!

5. Dusty Pink Velvet Pom Pom Slippers

I have actually gifted these adorable Tinkerbell-esque slippers to my friends and family on a few occasions and they’re always a big hit. I even bought a pair for myself and I wasn’t the only one who was a big fan. Luna Mia, my Boston Terrier, always kept eyeing them and it was only a matter of time before I found a lone slipper in her crate. What can I say? She has good taste and highly recommends the slippers.

6. Leopard Satin Pajamas Set

This is the set of pajamas you slip on after a luxurious and drawn out bubble bath, a multi-product skincare routine that you feel accomplished for just getting through, and freshly washed sheets. Believe me. This is the move. The delicate lace detailing and the thin straps add an additional luxurious touch to the already silky fabric. Plus, the pattern is a standout and a breath of fresh air from your regular standard florals or prints.

7. La Jolie Muse Jasmine Luxury Wood Wick Candle

I couldn’t help myself, I had to add this second decadent candle to the list. With over four thousand reviews and a 4.5 star rating, you know it’s a great buy. This is for those of you who enjoy more of a floral fragrance with the jasmine blossom aroma. The candle has a sixty five hour long burn and is made from high quality white-tinted heavy glass packaged in an exclusive signature box with cream, black and gold detailing.

8. Silver Brushes

These are a personal favorite set of brushes of mine and ones I use on a daily basis! The colors of the brush handles are so delicate and beautiful and do not scratch. In addition, the brush heads themselves are buttery soft and do not shed either. You also get a wide variety of brushes for whatever your makeup needs are and for the price, it’s an absolute steal.

9. The Five Minute Gratitude Journal

Gratitude is a critical component to a fulfilling life and it can sometimes fall to the wayside in the hustle and bustle of life. This journal breaks down five minute gratitude practice’s you can do with different prompts and thinking points. I enjoy this form of guided journaling because it takes the guesswork out of it and I can manage the five minute commitment it requires. It also sets the tone for my day whenever I start off recognizing the good and worthy in my life.

10. Satin Kimono Robe

If you’re a New Girl fan, then this is your chance to channel your inner “Schmidt” with your “mono”. If you’re not a New Girl fan, throw this beauty in your cart anyway, log onto Netflix, and now you have a new series to binge. This affordable robe is also perfect for wearing while you’re doing your makeup, relaxing at home, or when you’re fresh out of the shower too.

Easy Tips For Improving Your Presence On Zoom Video Calls

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Unprecedented times. As we creep up on our one year year pandemiversary, it’s safe to say the remote work environment has taken a massive transformation throughout the last year. Gone are they days of simply logging online from your bed with your camera off while taking notes in the background of an hour long call. (Admit it, you’ve done it too.) Now, the video chat game is encompassing of major client conversations, rigorous academic exams, important touch points with family and friends, and even awkward first dates.

As I’ve experienced this shift alongside the rest of the world, I have come across a couple of things that have helped me feel more prepared and polished on camera for these different types of events. Especially when internet connectivity and audio issues can easily occur, having a controlled environment that manages a clean presentation and presence is key to having your video speak for itself.

Ensuring Proper Lighting

If there is only one thing you take from this article, please let it be the fact that proper lighting is key to a strong first impression on video. Whether you’re taking advantage of natural light streaming from a window while you’re facing it or you’re utilizing a form of artificial light through a lamp or a ring light, making sure that your face and background is properly illuminated is important. This is the first thing others will see when you log online and it creates the basis for being able to read one’s facial expressions and reactions throughout a call. Especially when virtual, these visual cues are critical and speak for themselves.

If you have assess to a window with natural light, try to position your desk so that your face is facing the window. This will allow that natural light to illumnate you and your background. However, if you’re like me, you might not find the window to be the best spot for your workspace area. If so, there are a few options.

First, you can make sure you have one or two lamps directly behind your computer or desk area to provide a spotlight effect on you during the call. Never put the light behind you or to the side, as this can cast unflattering shadows across your face. Second, you can purchase a ring light on Amazon that plugs in and provides various features for additional lighting. A ring light is a light that is typically used for filming or shooting video or photo content when there isn’t enough proper lighting. But don’t be intimidated, it’s actually amazing for amping up your lighting situation for work calls as well.

Having a Basic Grooming Kit Handy

There are definitely mornings where I grab a coffee in my messy bun while I catch up on my morning emails. There are also mornings where someone pings me to jump on a quick call right then and there and I have to rush upstairs to make myself look presentable. Avoid these off-guard moments and have a small of kit of grooming essentials near your workspace area for these occasions. This can include anything from small amounts of makeup for touch-ups, a hairbrush to turn that messy bun into a sleek bun, makeup wipes to clean up a spill on your outfit, or even an extra blazer draped over your desk chair that you can throw on for calls. This is such a simple thing you can do that night before and have ready for these kinds of emergencies. Looking put together can add instant credibility during these types of calls, especially when they’re unexpected.

Logging On Early

This is also an easy tip that requires minimal effort. If you tend to be in back-to-back calls throughout the day, this tip may not be feasible for you. However, if you have a lighter day, make a point to always log onto your calls a few minutes early. I think anywhere between 2-4 minutes is appropriate.

The reason being is that you might run into potential audio issues, connectivity problems, or overall unexpected troubles that could disrupt or impact the call if you were to join as everyone was already on. By joining a few minutes early, you give yourself the proper opportunity to trouble test everything yourself and make sure you are prepared for when others log on. I also like this tip because it positions you as usually always being the first on a call and allows you to greet others as they trickle in. This automatically shows you are punctual and considerate of other’s time and is a great impression to make in the workplace.

Making Sure Writing Utensils, Chargers, Misc. Items Are Accessible

I speak from experience when I say this. Make sure you always have your computer charger, phone charger, and a writing utensil and paper nearby. Unfortunately, I have been on hour long calls where my computer has died right when I was about to speak and I am left literally scrambling to find my charger, plug my computer in, and log back on. Not only is this embarrassing for me, it’s also disruptive to others on the call and it’s easily avoidable. It also causes unnecessary stress for me and makes it difficult for me to pick up where I left off effortlessly.

In addition, there might be times when your computer freezes or Microsoft Word is unresponsive while you’re taking notes. During this time, someone might mention an important action item that you need to document and having a pen and paper handy is perfect for saving the day in this moment. While you might be able to use your phone take notes on some instances, you should never save confidential client information or personal data in a non work approved device. Being prepared by having a computer charger and a writing set-up alleviates this error. The less you have to scramble during these emergency situations, the better you can quietly resolve them without anyone else on the call knowing what’s going on.

Maintaining Consistent Eye Contact

Now, this is a tricky one. Some might argue that video chat does not require strong eye contact, but I’m here to stay otherwise. When you’re at work, you can grab lunch with someone, stop by their desk and ask about their weekend, or pop in to ask a question. In a remote work environment, these organic check-ins don’t occur as easily. Therefore, your video calls are essentially acting as a stand-in for this moments, which is why it’s so important to appear engaged and as an active listener. If you’re scrolling through a website or checking your phone or simply just looking off in a different direction on a call, this can be misinterpreted as being rude. It can also accustom you to constantly multi-task on important calls as well. In order to get the most “bang for your buck”, give your calls your full attention and showcase this strong eye contact with the camera. It might feel awkward at first, but on video, it’ll translate differently.

Final Thoughts

I am incredibly passionate about encouraging women to succeed in their professional careers. While video chats might not be the norm for every career field, it’s certainly becoming more and more common to have a video call for a variety of different occasions. Next time you log online and want to leave a strong impression, follow these tips and check back for Part 2!

The Bolet Collective Origins

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Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve had a creative spirit. Growing up, I would make enormous magazine collages across my bedroom wall that I would add to throughout the year and sit next to my dad with my colored pencils while I tried to mimic his artistic capabilities in my own drawings. In high school, I used my graphic design skills to design promotional material for my school’s art department and even designed my own campaign posters when I ran for student body President. In college, I pursued my liberal arts degree with gusto and did a variety of extracurriculars to fuel this side of my heart. I was a lead in my first theatre production as a college freshman, I was a news anchor for the local alternative music radio station, I competed in pageants and designed my talent costumes and performances, I wrote for an online publication called “The Lala” and covered influential pop culture moments, and I was constantly attending musicals and shows. (I almost got kicked out of a production of Legally Blonde because I literally could not stop myself from singing along. Whoops.)

In short, I loved doing things that pushed me out of my comfort zone, allowed me to work on my verbal and written voice across various mediums, and gave me the opportunity to design or create something from scratch. As I transitioned to the “real world” and focused on my career in corporate America, I found these creative opportunities happened less and less. While I channeled this energy towards my virtual communications (I design fun email invitations and newsletters), my apartment decor, and my fashion sense, I always toyed around with the idea of creating my own brand.

For years, and I mean years, I scrolled online and watched others cultivate their voice and their story virtually. I pinned over 2,000 pins on Pinterest, saved and archived hundreds of Instagram posts that inspired me, and this little seed in the back of my brain stayed present but not active. It was only in quarantine of March 2020 that I finally decided to just go for it and create a WordPress account. What I didn’t know was that I was about to embark on a deeply personal journey that would stall any opportunity to work on things that were outside of my immediate level of daily upkeep.

Nearly seven months and a newly healed mindset and heart later, I nervously logged back online into WordPress. I had a new vision, a new drive, and a new found love for my creative spirit again. As I pondered what this little corner of the internet was intended to do, I reflected on what I loved about my favorite influencers and content creators. For me, it was the older sister gene. You know, maybe she was the oldest sister of a friend growing up or the effortless senior in your sorority or the cool older girl in your college class that passed down handy advice and made you understand things so you didn’t feel so clueless all the time. The influencers I felt myself consistently drawn to were a community of relatable, educated, witty, fashionable, and honest women that shared their life experiences and advice. It was the kind of women that I would’ve aspired to have had as an older sister at different points in my life.

With this in mind, I decided to cultivate my blog focused on encouraging and inspiring women to seek personal empowerment, professional development, and the luxurious life that happens in between. I wanted to create a space where I could talk about my experiences, my do’s and don’ts, and my overall perspective on things. This unique blend of the personal, the professional, and luxurious is important to me because I believe in the active pursuit of these three elements to create a beautiful and balanced life.

In terms of content, sometimes you’ll find light hearted advice or guidance on certain life stages or daily moments. Sometimes, these blog posts are catered after conversations I’ve had with my younger brother and sister. Sometimes, they’re catered after the conversations I wish I could’ve had with my younger self. At the end of the day, my words aspire to be thoughtful and made with good intentions. Over the last few months, I have worked hard on designing my website, brand, and vision to reflect a valuable and thoughtful experience.

Welcome to The Bolet Collective. I’m so happy you’re here.

The Top Things I Always Repurchase from Trader Joes

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Fun fact: I had always lived near a Trader Joe’s in my hometown, had never been, and I only started going after college when a roommate introduced it to me. I always thought it was an expensive Whole Foods twin and I never even gave it a chance or went inside to find out for myself.

While it’s not the go-to place where I buy my main meal items, I’m still definitely a regular and I’ve even come to love certain items that I continue to repurchase over and over. Generally speaking, I tend to eat the same types of foods daily, so I love to pop into Trader Joe’s to find items here and there to switch things up with. A side perk is also that I genuinely love the experience of shopping there and find the unique assortment of branded and seasonal items to be a treat because you never know what you’ll find.

Birthday cards, thank you cards, get well soon cards, etc!

I like to think this is a well-kept TJ secret, but I’m telling you anyways because the secret needs to be out. Trader Joes has some of the most gorgeous illustrations, messages, and overall aesthetics when it comes to their card selection. Seriously, they’re beautiful, look expensive and creative, and are an easy and thoughtful gesture to gift. Most greeting cards have minimal design or completely over the top design, (I’m thinking of the cards with a dog in sunglasses driving a convertible) but I personally find the TJ designs to be a happy medium.

It gets better! Every single card is only $1.00. I make a point to check this section whenever I’m in the store and I’ll pick up some of my favorites for future occasions. It’s absolutely worth the peek, especially since Walgreens can sell greeting cards ranging from $3.99-6.99, depending on the decals on them! I have a little stash I keep handy for whenever I need them and I like that they tend to switch out fresh designs routinely. I’ve even bought ones with designs I liked so much that I used them as prints and framed them!

Spice, spice baby!

There are so many unique spice variations that are unique to the Trader Joes brand. You’ve probably heard of the Everything But The Bagel seasoning, but that’s just the start of it. Some of my personal favorites include the 23 Seasoning and the Chili Lime seasoning.

I like their spice selection because they tend to consolidate a variety of spices to create a unique blend that expedites my cooking because I only need to reach for a few containers versus an entire spice rack for my meal. So instead of plucking the garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, and oregano separately, I can just pair one or two of the spices for the same taste profile. I also love bringing some whenever I’m traveling for work. I’ll toss one or two in my purse and have it available to spice up boring cafeteria meals or generic hotel breakfast food.

Flowers

Trader Joe’s is my absolute go-to place for flowers and fresh greenery. They get fresh shipments every single day and they are constantly switching the options available on a seasonal basis. I want to highlight the fact that they’re fresh because I’ve compared the flowers and greenery from other prominent grocery stores, and I don’t feel like their selection holds up.

The Trader Joe prices are incredibly fair and reasonable for beautiful arrangements. The majority of their selection, except for their orchids, fall between $3.00-$10.00. For one of my birthdays, I went to the nearest store and bought out every single set of white roses they had and spread them out in glass vases around my apartment. It was a simple, fresh, and elegant touch and a big hit for the party I hosted later. The flowers also lasted the whole week, so it was a perfect way to keep the birthday spirit going.

I also love making floral arrangements as a thoughtful housewarming or birthday gift, so I’ll always pop in and pick out a couple of different floral and greenery pieces to put together. The guests and the homeowners can enjoy them and the arrangement itself is handmade by me. But you seriously don’t ever need a special occasion for flowers. Get them on a Tuesday for yourself if you feel like it.

Avocados

Hear me out on this one. You know that avocados have about a forty five minute lifespan before they get all brown. It’s science. And I can’t tell you how many I’ve had to toss one because I forget to eat the second half or it goes bad. This is where the Trader Joes avocados come in. TJ sells a small bag of tiny avocados for $2.99.

I have come to love these because of their size and taste. The size means I’m able to use a whole one on a meal and I don’t feel wasteful because there’s nothing I have to store for later. The taste is great as well, as they’re genuinely and consistently delicious and creamy. My only caveat is because they’re so small, they tend to ripen rather quickly, so that’s just something to keep in mind! But I like picking up a bag of these and popping the avocados in a sandwich, an omelette, or on top of a salad.

Dessert

Where do I start… The rich dark chocolate covered espresso beans? The pint of juicy mango sorbet? The tiny Parisian box of frozen macaroons? The soft and chewy chocolate chip cookies? The decadent box of four chocolate cupcakes with the creamy vanilla icing?

It’s so weird, nothing comes to mind. As if. There are so many wonderful things to choose from and try. You’ll find these items sprinkled out throughout the store by the cash register, in the frozen food aisles, and in their dessert section, so always keep an eye out. I love picking up something new to try if my taste buds are up for it or just indulging in some of my personal favorites. The mango sorbet is my go-to refresher in the summer time and the dark chocolate espresso beans are amazing as a snack in the winter.

As a side note, I enjoy the portion sizes of their desserts. If you go to the bakery section of most grocery stores, you’re either looking at a giant set of 24 cupcakes or a box of a dozen cookies. Maybe you’re going to a small dinner with friends or you just want something to personally snack on for the evening, but I like that the portions are on the smaller end for these reasons!

Final thoughts

Trader Joe’s is a national chain, so take a peek and see if one is nearby you! As a consultant, I would always travel to client sites across the country and stop at a Trader Joes on my way to the hotel to pick up snacks, protein shakes, or even plants for my desk if I was going to be on a long term project. I still have one of my tiny TJ plants I kept on the window by my desk for a project in DC from a year ago.

Or if you’ve been going there your whole life and aren’t just recently enamored like me, still try picking up any of these items the next time you’re shopping around and let me know what you enjoyed!

“Are You Seeing Anyone?” Yeah, My Therapist. Thanks For Asking.

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What comes to your mind when you think of therapy? I used to think it was a bare room with a couch, a dry professional with a clipboard, and an endless loop of “and how did that make you feel?” questions with no real conclusions to be drawn within an hour. I also sometimes get defensive with people in authority, let alone when it’s someone that knows deep things about me, so it took me a long time to come around to the idea of therapy.

The reality of therapy during a COVID era looks quite similar to the photo above. It’s usually me taking a deep breath at the end of the day, finding a comfortable spot in my house to snuggle up with my Boston Terrier puppy Luna Mia, and answering the phone to a warm and cheerful voice asking me how my day has been.

Sometimes, my response is filled with joy and I am eager to share all of the happenings I had encountered since our last call. Awkward first dates, quirky Luna Mia moments, funny memes, etc. Other times, there’s about a forty five second window of forced niceties (Hey, how are you, I’m fine, you?) before I start tearing up and unload the emotional turmoil I was facing that day or that week. I’d like to think the second scenario is less common, but each week is truly a gamble.

My previous thoughts on therapy were not incredibly positive, if I’m being honest. But it’s because I didn’t truly understand it or because I expected a major life change after one or two sessions. It took me a few sessions to find someone I was comfortable with and a few after that to truly start working through my own life occurrences. However, I am a better person, friend, partner, sibling, etc because of it. I feel more fulfilled by my interactions and by who I allow into my life and I feel more confident in my own decisions because I honor my emotions and needs.

Therapy has been an additional asset in my personal toolbox to tackle life in a healthy way. It has given me permission to feel my emotions, to take care of myself, to say no, to say no thank you, and to invest in things and people that make me feel good. It has forced me to address my own self imposed timelines, limitations, and rules and to realize that there are other ways to define love, productivity, success, and comfort.

If you’re a single millennial woman in your 20’s or 30’s, you’re probably constantly being asked if you’re seeing someone or if you’re in a relationship. My response these days is yes, I am seeing someone every week for one hour and I’m learning how to build a better relationship with myself and with my future partner. Therapy has given me a safe, non-biased, and consistent environment to check-in with myself and with my past, present, and future and to have someone I can lean on about topics I don’t want to talk to my family or friends about yet.

Taking care of your mental health is a non-negotiable. But it’s not something you always have to tackle on your own. Currently, a large amount of insurance providers are also providing additional coverage for mental health services, so it’s always worth inquiring about. You can contact the phone number on the back of your insurance card and ask about their coverage for behavioral health services to get a better understanding of coverage.

Additionally, if you find yourself repeating the same types of unhealthy friendships, relationships, or overall patterns, a therapist is a great resource that can help you break down these repeated behaviors and understand where they stem from. Keep in mind, therapy is best utilized as a long term solution. One or two sessions might not allow you and your therapist to fully tease out the root of a behavior or life instance. It’s also not the responsibility of your therapist to fix your life for you. A lot of the work and benefit actually happens on your own time and you use your therapist as a check-in to say here’s what I’m doing and how I’m working through things.

At the end of the day, I felt so much uncertainty and intimidation when it came to talking about therapy. It felt like this out-of-reach concept that I wasn’t sure I would even benefit from and I couldn’t conceptualize what the first phone call would even entail. Some of my first “conversations” or awareness levels of therapy as an adult came from reading about my favorite influencers discussing their own process. Whether it was Kathleen Barnes from the blog Carrie Bradshaw Lied in her post Let’s Talk About Therapy or Hayet Rida in her Instagram stories and blog post The Plus Side of Dating, they both were vulnerable and open about how therapy impacted their relationships with themselves and with others. It almost gave me the permission to say, well if they’re doing it and it’s helping them, then maybe I can try it too.

Having spent over half a year working with someone, I can now say that I am confident it’s worth the investment in both your time and financial resources. We work with tutors to build healthy study habits, we work with a personal trainer to learn our way around the gym, and we work with coaches to become better versions of ourselves. Think of a therapist as an additional resource to support you in the process to a healthier life and state of mind.

Affordable Fitness Hacks for Amping Up Your Quarantine At Home Workouts

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As we’ve progressed through this period of eternal quarantine (or so it seems sometimes), it has become increasingly important to stay active for both your mental and physical health. While I usually lean on Amazon for my at home workout materials, I was shocked to see a lot of my favorite products either sold out entirely or were back ordered online for extended periods of time. In fact, I was so desperate for a yoga mat that I accidentally ordered a yoga mat sling because I was in such a rush to place my order before it sold out since there were no other options available. Rookie mistake. 





This is no longer the case though, as I have found an online and in-person resource that has affordable fitness gear that is great for powering through your at home workouts. I want to share my favorite store for affordable workout gear that I have used throughout quarantine to maintain my fitness routine. 





Five Below





If you happen to have a Five Below in your area, you’re in luck! This is an excellent store that harbors items of all kinds for under $5.00. Yes, seriously. Everything is $5.00. If you don’t happen to have one nearby, you’re still in luck because all shipping on their website is only $5.00, which makes it a breeze to make a bulk order online. This has been my biggest quarantine hack when building up my fitness equipment for at home workouts. Here are some of my favorites. 





Yoga Mat





I have actually had a pink version of this yoga mat for the last few years and it has held up like a champ. Online, they come in a variety of colors and are a good width in terms of mat material thickness that will allow you to get a comfortable yoga session in. This is important, as it creates additional protection for your knees and hands when doing various poses. The mats also roll-up and can be stashed under your bed for easy convenience in between workouts or if you’re like me, in your new yoga mat sling!





Resistance Band





I own this item as well and it has proven to support an effective workout. I usually will Google a resistance band routine or look on Pinterest and then I will loop the band around a railing on my balcony for certain moves or attach them to my feet to do banded deadlifts. These in particular are high quality and the handles are sturdy enough to handle a fast paced set. You can even opt for different levels of resistance bands that they offer to keep your body guessing. 





Hand Weights 





If you’ve been looking online for weights, you’ll know that they are constantly sold out. These weights also seem to be out of stock in the online shop. I happened to pick mine up at an in-store visit pre-quarantine, however, I had to include these to put on your radar if you’re able to make an in-store pitstop. They are truly a total bargain and they could come back in stock online or in your local store.  Five Below tends to have rolling inventory of these hand weights that are well built and provide that extra weight to your benchpress or tricep kicks. Mine came in eight pounds and ten pounds and I purchased a set of both!





Foam Roller





After an intense workout, it’s always important to stretch and roll your muscles for exercise safety and alleviating soreness after. Five Below offers two different types with varying textures to match your needs. Personally, I never used to use a foam roller, but my personal trainer encouraged me to take care of my muscles after a strenuous workout by rolling my body and I noticed a major difference in my recovery and levels of soreness the next day. 





Cardio Jump Rope 





If you’re able to get outside, but don’t know how to get your cardio in, try this intense, yet low equipment cardio workout. Jumping rope is a great way to get your heart rate up and this $5 jump rope is the perfect accessory to start off with. It’s also easy to stash in your gym bag or travel bag if you’ll be going out of town, but would still like the opportunity to keep your heart rate up.





Final Notes 





Mixing and matching these different items based on your fitness needs is a fun and affordable way to build amp up your at home fitness environment. Remember, working out and staying healthy is not just for the aesthetics, but for your mental health and emotional clarity too. Usually, you could only purchase one yoga mat or a small set of weights for the price of what this entire article could purchase, so this is truly a steal and is my favorite spot to build up my fitness equipment on a budget. And if you’re still skeptical, just remember.





Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. – Elle Woods







My Four Favorite Sources for Professional Inspiration to Stay Motivated


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I consider myself a lifelong learner and I am constantly finding new articles, mediums, and spaces of inspiration to learn from. When I first started my consulting job, I was living at home and taking the three hour long roundtrip train ride into Chicago. This certainly left me with a large chunk of time. Now, let’s be fair. I definitely spent some hours sleeping or just scrolling Instagram after a long day, but I also started to discover some really fantastic professional resources and inspirational women that I leaned on for that extra burst of inspiration or guidance before a big meeting or presentation. To this day, I’ll still listen or reference some of these pieces throughout the workday to remind myself of my greater vision and professional pursuits. I’m compiled my favorite collection of pieces, whether they’re podcasts, Youtube videos, or books that have helped give me that extra professional pep in my step. 





Inspirational Speeches by Petite Women





This is a classic video that I have used as audio inspiration before every job interview. I’m not sure why, but the short soundbites of some of my favorite actresses and entertainers paired with the background instrumental music always opens a different headspace for me. Each one is uniquely different in the causes they advocate for, but still uniformly passionate and driven to share their perspective. 





“Education is a privilege and a luxury and not a birthright, like it should be, like it is here. So I say to you, use that right, take it and maximize it. That great opportunity that education is, make the most of it. As we speak in Colombia, there is a little girl dreaming a dream, like I used to be, that for her today may be unattainable, but tomorrow, maybe because of you, it will be possible.” – Shakira 





I always get chills during that piece and it truly makes me take ownership over the opportunities that are presented to me and the opportunities I will continue to carve out for myself. This was especially relevant during those long hours at the undergraduate library chugging away for finals. Despite the challenges that pursuing higher education brought on, I always stayed grounded and motivated by the opportunities that were presented to me and the fact that I needed to take advantage of them. 





I was once afraid of people saying who does she think she is. Now I stand up and say, this is who I am. – Oprah Winfrey





It is incredibly humbling to know that such a well established global leader came from origins of self doubt and grew to believe in her own power and strength. How many times have we talked ourselves out of something for fear of what others might think or say? It can be so easy to count ourselves out of opportunities because we’re scared of what the perception of others might look like. However, I believe in taking ownership over our decisions and carving out our own reality. That confidence in your own sense of self translates to others around you and becomes the foundation for you to keep pursuing what makes you happy, despite what others may think. 





It also truly resonated with me because it can be easy to feel out of place or to get imposter syndrome in a fast paced, corporate environment. However, this quote reminds me that my career is a transformation and I will continually be building and growing into the woman I want to be. It also empowers me to take ownership over my space, over my voice, and over my talents and to become my own biggest advocate. There is no room to be waiting for someone else to recognize your light, you deserve to be your own lighthouse. 










When The Little Things Count, 601 Essential Things That Everyone in Business Needs to Know by Barbara Patcher





I picked this little book up on a whim at a Goodwill several years ago. Since then, it had always sat in my bookcase in my childhood bedroom and I never truly looked at it. However, before my job started, I was eager to prepare for my role and decided to give it a read.





I truly believe everyone needs to read this when starting their first job and then continue reading it throughout her career. True to its nature, this book contains 601 different tips and tricks to managing the workspace across a variety of different settings and professional milestones. Whether it tackles   topics about handling technology professionally, establishing your professional presence, or building work relationships, this book feels like the inside scoop on the business environment and gave me a strong starting confidence when starting my first job.





This book does not require you to read it chronologically, therefore, it’s the perfect read to throw in your purse and pick up on a long Uber ride or train. You can skip through various sections and topics without feeling like you’re missing any information that was discussed before. Do keep in mind that the book itself was written before certain technological advancements occurred in the workplace. However, I still think the bulk of the read has timeless elements that translate to a modern day work environment. 





Secrets of Wealthy Women by The Wall Street Journal Podcast





This is an incredibly insightful podcast from the Wall Street Journal that interviews influential female entrepreneurs and leaders where they share their financial insights, career advice, and tips on how to reach your goals and achieve professional success. 





This podcast interviews everyone from the NYX Comesmetics founder Toni Ko to Naomi Hirabayshi, a Goldman Sachs managing director, to personal finance experts. What I find particularly compelling about this series is the inside scoop on their lives, their struggles, and their overall path to success. Sometimes, we just get the highlight reel and the final product of someone’s path to entrepreneurship, but this series truly focuses on the various nuances that can shape someone’s career from the start across a variety of industries. 





Final Thoughts





Starting a new stage in your professional career can sometimes be a daunting task to take on. However, these four resources are my key areas of inspiration and guidance that I lean on whenever I need that support or drive to put myself out there, pursue my goals, and strive for self-advocacy in the workplace.