The Bolet Collective

For the modern woman seeking personal empowerment, professional development, and the luxurious life moments that happen in between.

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Holy Grail Drugstore Makeup Staples

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There are certain products that just have a constant rotation in our makeup bags. These are products we rely on, repurchase, and recommend to others because they keep us feeling and looking our best. Additionally, there are certain products that are budget friendly as well and that’s what this list contains. These are my favorite drugstore products that are tried and true and at an affordable price. Many of these have been repurchased for years and are items I use currently in my everyday makeup looks.

L’Oreal Paris Makeup Voluminous Original Volume Building Mascara, Carbon Black

This is a go-to mascara since I was in high-school and there’s so many reasons why. First off, it’s affordable and around $5.00, depending on your retailer. The color carbon black alludes to this rich true black that creates depth and shine in the lashes. The brush itself is thick and creates this beautiful and buildable coat on my lashes, plus the packaging itself hardly ever dries out. And if you don’t believe me, this mascara has over 48,000 four star reviews on Amazon to convince you.

Airspun Loose Face Translucent Powder

This is an enormous amount of product and it’s actually my second one I’ve purchased, as I used the first one completely. What I love about this product is how lightweight it is and how it completely sets my makeup effortlessly. I’ve tested going through the day without it and my T-zone immediately gets oily and my foundation moves around. With this, the product stays and my makeup stays fresh without creasing. The only con to this is the packaging itself can get a little messy, so make sure you open it safely to avoid spillage.

Elf Expert Liquid Liner

This is such an underrated product and I don’t know why. First off, it will last you forever and it’s only $3.00. The liner itself it incredibly rich and dark, unlike other grayish black liners. Once applied, it won’t budge and the color itself will stay strong all day. My only caveat is there is a lot of product that comes out, so have a light hand, otherwise you will be waiting for it to dry for a long time. There are so many other products I’ve tried that dry up quickly or don’t have a dark enough black color and that’s why I love this one from Elf.

Maybelline FitMe Matte and Poreless Foundation

I purchase this and then forget about it and then repurchase it and remember how much I love it. Honestly, it’s just a classic product that’s under $10.00 and gives you a beautiful coverage, finish, and color overall. The sleek packaging holds a substantial amount of product that is easy to move around and the color range is exceptional for the drugstore variety. I think this is a perfect foundation to have in your arsenal for an everyday look because it’s lightweight, affordable, great coverage, and a beautiful finish.

Maybelline Age Rewind Concealer

Okay, me and the entire internet beauty population love this concealer. I buy several at a time because it runs out quickly, but it truly is an incredible product. The applicator is effortless, the consistency is creamy, and the brightness it creates is so critical to a solid under-eye. I’m always impressed with this formula and currently have three of them in my makeup bag on rotation, but have probably purchased this product over 10 times.

Profusion Cosmetics Blush I Palette

This is a very recent buy, but I am already hooked. I have tried several blushes from Milani, Nars, Wet n’ Wild, and several others, but I love this palette. The version I got has a small contour bronzer color and the remaining blushes are these gorgeous, pigmented, and peach based blushes that lay beautifully on the skin. With just the slightest amount of shimmer, you get a little glow without the obnoxious highlight that some heavier blushes bring on. It’s under $5.00 for this much product, so you have to pick it up next time to build your collection.

Wet n Wild Contouring and Highlight Powder

This is my second or third time repurchasing this product and it’s a staple for me. The highlight powder is a banana based color that is perfect for brightening the under-eye. It’s also very rare to find a great banana powder in the drugstore. But the true standout is the matte contour color that is highly pigmented and settles effortlessly onto the skin. I love to contour all over my face and find this color blends incredibly well all over. I’ve also tried many high-end and drugstore bronzers and find this one to be the most consistent at creating an overall flawless finish without looking muddy or too dark. A little goes a long way, so start light and build up the color from there.

Final Thoughts

We are long gone from the days of the Claire’s makeup palettes and the drugstore offers so many affordable and high quality products that can take your day-to-day look to the next level. These are some of my top favorite products that I constantly repurchase and keep within my makeup arsenal. What I love about this particular combination of items is the diversity of brands that can curate a full face at a budget friendly price.

The Key Elements to a Healthy Dating Experience

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Man and Woman Facing Each Other

Dating is a journey in it of itself. For me, it’s included a long list of hilarious first date stories and amazing moments of connection, excitement, and first date butterflies. Like the guy I met during sunset in Portugal and had a spontaneous first date with afterwards, the guy I met on a double date in London with my best friend, or the guy who wrote me postcards and letters while we were getting to know each other. (I kept them all.) It has also included some not so great experiences with people that I shouldn’t have continued seeing. This included the guy who mansplained my job and interests and made completely ignorant and racist commentary about my ethnicity or the guy who showed up an hour late, “forgot his wallet” and then asked for my leftovers. (True story!)

Having gone through so many ups and downs in the dating world, I’ve come to define a couple of key elements that are imperative for me to have a healthy and enjoyable dating experience. Defining these areas for myself has resulted in more meaningful and compatible first dates with people who are respectful and great company because I am able to discern who is worth my time from the beginning. Not all of them turned into something long-term, but that’s not always the goal. Sometimes, the journey and the process is the objective, and not the final destination itself. These are some of my personal favorites.

Know what you’re looking for.

This sounds obvious, but it truly is something that is important to define to yourself before you start. It’s easy to download a dating app and scroll or swipe through profiles endlessly and click on people that catch your interest. But do you know the type of person you’re looking for? What things are you focusing on? Are you interested in something completely casual or more serious and long-term? What factors are important to you? Do you have more of an open mind or are you clear on the characteristics your ideal person should have?

Most dating apps have the location and age parameters already in place, but they also allow you to screen by religion, education, interests, political views, etc. By having a clear idea of what you’re looking for, you can use these features to your advantage and only be shown people that you know would have an existing alignment with your life and values. In addition, with such a high volume of people on these apps, you can make more meaningful matches and connections with people you know you’d be interested in meeting in person instead of just digging through the large pool of options without any sort of preselection taking place.

Be intentional about your time.

There are a lot of men (and women!) out there that would love to have your attention, but have no intention on following through with it. These are the men that FaceTime and text you all day long and interrupt your focus, but never actually follow through on plans or only create casual scenarios for you to meet. Having someone’s attention and having someone’s intentions are two different things and it’s important to identify when you’re receiving what.

If you see that someone is not making plans or time for you in the ways that you need it over an extended period of time, be selective about if you’ll continue to allow them access to you. You can certainly open the conversation and mention that this is a priority for you and see how they’ll react. However, if they don’t respect what you’re saying and they continue to just want access to you in a casual and convenient way, move along because you have better ways of investing your time.

Define, set, and communicate boundaries.

Setting and communicating boundaries are arguably the most important thing on this list. Boundaries create the parameters and expectations for how we expect to be treated and the environments we put ourselves in. If you don’t have a clear idea on where your line is or what you’d like your dating experience to be, you create the opportunity for someone else to define it for you. People are always going to offer things and push the envelope to see and test what you’ll tolerate. It is up to you to determine what your boundaries are and it is also up to you to actively communicate this to the person you’re seeing.

I used to have a tough time with this and it resulted in really toxic dating experiences because I never defined when enough was enough. Having taken the time to define my own personal boundaries, I now have a completely different dating experience because I only allow people who respect me and what’s important to me. Maybe we don’t have a romantic connection or I don’t see myself dating them long-term, but that’s totally normal and expected. However, setting and communicating those boundaries has allowed me to have a healthy dating environment that protects me and my time until I find the right person.

Be realistic with who the other person is.

Sometimes, the people we meet have incredible potential. They’re smart, talented, and you have mutual chemistry with this person. However, their behavior doesn’t align with your expectations or they don’t respect your boundaries or time. Be realistic with yourself about the characteristics that a person shows you and don’t just be selective and look for what you want to see. Ignoring red flags in the beginning only sets you up for failure. It’s important to not fall in love with potential and with what you think someone else could be like in the future. Notice who they’re showing you they are through their words and behaviors and use that as the foundation for your personal opinion on whether you’d like to continue seeing them.

I see a lot of people love someone’s appearance or what they look like on paper, so they ignore all the red flags or make excuses for this person who is not actually making the cut for what they’re looking for. This is where we end up creating false scenarios and personas of who this person is and we end up disappointed when they don’t fulfill them. Notice who people are from the get go, not what you want them to be.

Keep your options open.

I’d argue this area is up to personal preference, but I like to keep it here anyways. I personally think it’s important to keep your options open and get to know several people at a time. My reason is exposure to a wide variety of personalities is important to distinguish what you like and don’t like and it keeps a healthy pace and timeline when getting to know someone. If you focus all your eggs in one basket and person and try and speed date someone over the course of a few weeks, you don’t create alternative environments to cross check your experience. It also allows you to not get too caught up in one person too soon because you have the opportunity to meet others along the same time. If the relationship progresses at a healthy rate and there is a mutual desire for exclusivity, then absolutely move forward with that. But when you’re just getting to know someone, it’s important to meet new people and keep your options open.

Enjoy the process of singleness and dating overall.

Dating is the process of meeting people, simply put. Dates are just a conversation that allow you to figure out what you’re looking for. If it works out, you now have someone in your life that you enjoy and want to continue to get to know. If it doesn’t work out, you now have a better understanding of what you’re looking for and experience in getting those first date jitters out. Sometimes, dating can be casual or it can be serious, but regardless, make sure to enjoy yourself and not take things so insanely serious at first. Get to know someone, laugh, try new restaurants together, learn something from one another. Enjoy your own company and the flexibility of having ownership over your own time. Make the best of every stage of your life and don’t get so caught up in being in a relationship that you forget to enjoy the journey of singleness and everything it entails.

Final thoughts

For many years, I was notorious for having horrible first date stories. Some dates left me crying in tears of laughter out of the ridiculous things that happened and others left me in tears out of the ridiculous things someone did or said. Both were important for me to understand what I was looking for, but the tips I’ve included in this list have led to a healthier and overall more positive dating experience for me with less extremes.

I love being by myself and I love getting to know other people. I love knowing my own limits and expectations and I love being able to communicate that with others. I love trying new places and meeting new people and have genuinely made dating a process I can enjoy, rather than one beelining for the relationship destination. I hope these insights can inspire you to remember that you can create the experiences you want and that you deserve a healthy and fun dating experience overall, regardless of the final outcome.

My Secrets to Success in the Corporate World

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Person in Red Long Sleeve Shirt

Corporate America is a wonderful and crazy world all in one. Managing its nuances and challenges requires a positive attitude and eagerness to learn on the fly. Currently, I work at a Big Four Accounting firm as a cyber security consultant and have received promotions, salary raises, and performance based bonuses within under three years based on the following tips that I’ve implemented throughout my career. While there is no direct link to immediate success in any field, there are certain habits, steps, and behaviors that can build a strong reputation within the workplace. The following include some of the key traits that I’ve acquired and believe are essential to success in the corporate world.

USE POSITIVE LANGUAGE

How we frame questions and comments has a direct correlation with how it’s received. Starting a phrase with “I may be wrong, but…” sets the stage for the receiver to find an issue with what you’re about to say before you even say it. Speak confidently and assertively and avoid using filler words. Instead of saying, “Okay, I think it might be a good idea,” say “A course of action we can consider is…” This is a direct statement that still allows room for discussion without downplaying your opinion.

In addition, if you make an error in a document, which will happen, don’t plaster your email with sorry’s. Instead, say “Thank you for bringing that to my attention,” or “I’ll address your feedback promptly.” This also comes into play when you speak about yourself and about others. Always try to be a positive voice in a meeting and create an environment that others will enjoy when they work with you. If you’re constantly gossiping or complaining about others, people might not remember exactly what you said, but they’ll remember the energy you created.

PLAN FOR THE DETAILS

There are so many moving parts to a career that require a detail oriented mindset. This may include doing additional research on your down time on unfamiliar topics, making sure your managers are prepared on materials for the call by briefing them on the agenda and participants before, logging online before everyone else to ensure internet connectivity, or even reviewing the notes before a call to ensure you can speak to the details.

When I first started in my career, managing the details gave me a lot of confidence because I could always answer those nit-picky questions and details and provide value that way. In addition, it kept me on top of things and projected a level of professionalism and attentiveness to my peers as well. I also believe planning for the details is a great way to enforce the “Fake it until you make it” ideal because managing details gives you a sense of control and oversight while you’re still learning the intricacies of a field or client. It also projects an additional layer of confidence and project management to others, which is essential to building your brand.

FOCUS ON BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS

When you’re just starting out in your career, it takes time to build up your subject matter expertise. During this time period, it is critical to network with people of all levels in your company, practice, or group. Taking time to get to know others, what they’re working on, and sharing your background and experiences builds your visibility and reputation from the start. It also provides the opportunity for you to ask questions and get to know about the company culture and experiences each coworker has gone through. People are always eager to welcome newbies and being new to the organization is the perfect built-in reason for reaching out. Take major advantage of this. I still rely heavily on the relationships I built on my first year nearly three years later.

PLAY TO YOUR STRENGTHS

When you are confident, people become confident in you. If you’re an exceptional public speaker, offer to give a client presentation or speak up on calls. If you’re an exceptional writer, offer to give the first pass at reviewing deliverables or drafting communications. If you’re an exceptional visual designer, offer to create client facing documents that tell a powerful story and take it above and beyond the standard PowerPoint design.

We can’t always wait for the perfect moment to step up to the plate and sometimes, we have to create our own opportunities. Being self-aware of what you’re good at is important to start communicating with others on what are your strong skillsets. You also have to be proactive and communicate what you’re good at in order to start building that visibility and reputation.

DRESS THE PART

In the in-person space, this was a critical element that spoke about who I was before I opened my mouth. I made sure to invest in a wardrobe that projected the professional and credible image I wanted to convey. I also made sure to invest in pieces like a leather notepad from Amazon, a high quality and professional looking backpack or purse to carry my belongings, and simple but high-end looking pens. This might sound subtle and like no one will notice, but they will. These subtle cues have such a modest investment cost, but they all work together to continue reinforcing your brand and level of professionalism before you speak or even have acquired the skillset.

However, as the world has transitioned virtually, I still find this to be important in other ways. This can include having a blazer on hand for video calls and ensuring you have a clean and professional background. This can also include having proper email signatures and greetings, professional headshots, a detailed LinkedIn profile, etc. Dress the part includes all of the details that aren’t directly tied to your resume or your spoken voice, but to all of the other unspoken elements that provide credibility in the virtual environment. When you’re presenting or on calls with large groups, this is especially important as it reinforces professional visual cues to a larger audience.

MAKE MISTAKES

Seriously, make them. Mess up and then try again. Get rid of the rigid idea that you need to know everything, be everything, and handle everything. Ask questions, do research, and try different approaches. You need to be okay with perfection, good enough, messing up, and everything in between and don’t let yourself get derailed by it. Some projects are going to require your heart and soul and others are just going to require a job well done. Learn to discern between what requires what elements of your energy and when.

I recently worked on a highly technical project that just drove me crazy. I would not understand a word on the calls and I’d be taking notes like crazy, so I could work on it in my off hours. One day, I literally cried on the floor of my office, went out and bought food and a candle, and came back and worked on it until it finally clicked. I tried not to beat myself down for how long it took me to grasp the concept and instead, I focused on a solution oriented mindset that validated how I was feeling while giving me the space to figure it out. THIS IS TOTALLY NORMAL. We are going to get frustrated and overwhelmed and not understand things. Make sure you figure out a way to work through it.

TAKE TIME OFF

I did not take any personal PTO my first year in my first job out of college because I was too scared to ask. This was a massive mistake. What I thought I was saving in time and effort led to an extreme level of frustration and burnout that translated into a bad attitude about my project and work environment. I always associated PTO with elaborate vacations or weekend getaways, but the reality is it can be whatever you want and need to be during that point in time. Regardless of whether it’s spent on an island or in your living room, taking a break from work, deadlines, and deliverables is essential to maintain your sanity and to take advantage of the benefits provided to you in your work environment. So make sure to plan ahead and schedule time off for your mental and professional health.

PUSH BACK

For a long time, I felt like I didn’t have a right to say no or to push back on things. I thought my junior level meant I had to just listen and follow everyone else’s lead. While this is certainly sometimes the case and I’m not implying to storm into the conference room yelling by any means, you do have a right to say no sometimes and to advocate for the kind of work environment you’d like for yourself. Whether this means saying no to taking on overtly demanding projects that are unmanageable for your workload or speaking up when someone tries to take credit for your work, getting used to advocating for yourself is critical to set the tone with others for your professional work boundaries.


FINAL THOUGHTS

I have learned so much throughout my career in the corporate America and have been incredibly successful in this space. However, it’s something that required a lot of additional leg work and preparation to set the stage for continued improvement, firm visibility, and self-advocacy. These tips are some high-level areas that I believe are essential to building your career with a solid foundation and to covering a variety of different core areas.

Must Watch 1950’s Films For Fashion Inspiration

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There are certain films that are a form of immediate visual transportation that envelop you in their era, their style, and their story. For me, the 1950’s has always been a time period of immediate allure and attraction and I am so incredibly drawn to everything about movies filmed during this time. My own personal fashion sense is heavily influenced by the fabrics, silhouettes, and accessories that characterized this era and I find that most people are familiar with some of the big titles like Breakfast At Tiffany’s, but not as familiar with other iconic numbers.

The list below includes three of my favorite films that highlight major Hollywood leading ladies Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, and Marilyn Monroe. These films are selected for their scintillating pictures, decadent fashion, captivating leads, and overall allure. Next time you’re torn on whether to rewatch your favorite show or try something new, take a chance on some of these featured favorites below.

10 Of Grace Kelly's Most Beautiful On-Screen Outfits
Bing Crosby and Grace Kelly in High Society, 1956.
Image featured from Marie Claire.

High Society – 1956

With an absolute knock-out of a cast including Grace Kelly, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby and Louis Armstrong, it sweeps my favorites coming in at number one. If you’re looking for French interior design inspiration, witty banter, divine fashion, musical numbers, and a plot that keeps you invested, you should absolutely start with High Society. The film’s plot centers around Bing Crosby trying to win back the affection of his ex-wife Grace Kelly who is engaged to another man. Toss in Frank Sinatra as a sassy news reporter covering the wedding and you’ve got a whirlwind of a love triangle that leaves you rooting for everyone involved. The entire movie takes place at an enormous French inspired mansion and is infused with ornate decadence, lively jazz music, and over the top extravagant fashion. I’m particularly interested in Grace’s use of accessories and silhouettes that she plays with throughout the different scenes.

This was also Grace’s last film performance before she married into royalty and I’d say it was an excellent note to depart on. Lastly, there is also a ballad that Bing Crosby sings to Sam, Grace Kelly’s character, titled “I Love You, Samantha,” so I might be biased on that note because I adore the song. All in all, I loved it so much that I purchased the film on Amazon Prime and it’s one I always come back to.

High Society Fun Facts:*

  • Grace Kelly, recently engaged to Prince Rainier of Monaco, wore her actual engagement ring for her character’s engagement ring. The engagement ring is a 10.5-carat, emerald-cut, diamond flanked by two baguettes.
  • It is said that Frank Sinatra wanted to be in “High Society” because it allowed him to sing a duet with his childhood idol Bing Crosby.
  • Helen Rose, who designed the costumes, also designed Grace Kelly’s wedding gown for her marriage to Prince Ranier.
  • Features the song Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? which gave the successful TV quiz show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (1999) its title.
You Could Own Audrey Hepburn's Iconic 'Sabrina' Gown | Hollywood Reporter
Audrey Hepburn and William Holden in Sabrina, 1954.
Image featured from The Hollywood Reporter.

Sabrina – 1954

Featuring the timeless Audrey Hepburn, I would say that Sabrina is my favorite of her films during this era. It centers around a young girl whose father works on a large estate for a wealthy family and Audrey has developed a teenage love interest in one of the sons. Her father sends her off to Paris for refinement, culture, and education and she returns as a glamorous, self-secure, icon that no one recognizes at first. There are competing love interests, iconic ballgowns, and again, a luxurious setting and lifestyle portrayed in New York. What I particularly love about this film is her personal growth depicted throughout the movie as she advances from a dramatic and love obsessed adolescent to a refined and fashionable woman who maintains her sense of charming youthful spirit and eagerness for love and life.

This classic black and white film feels traditional in production, but modern in dialogue and casting and I think it’s an excellent transition piece for those who find black and white films daunting. My absolute favorite piece she wears is this iconic black and white ballgown that she wears to the party as her first official appearance after Paris. Overall, I find Audrey to be the most captivating aspect of the film and you cannot take your eyes off of her. Usually known for Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, or Funny Face, Sabrina still stands as my favorite.

Sabrina Fun Facts:*

  • The film began a lifelong association between costume designer Hubert de Givenchy and Audrey Hepburn.
  • This was the second film in a row where Audrey Hepburn gets her hair cut as a symbol of maturity. The first was in “Roman Holiday (1953).” It is also the first of four films in a row where she’d play a character romantically linked with a man old enough to be her father.
  • Audrey Hepburn originally wanted famed couturier Cristbal Balenciaga to design her costumes, but he turned her down.
  • The film snagged six Oscar nominations, including Best Actress, Best Director, and Best Screenplay, winning for Edith Head’s dazzling costumes.
Marilyn & Jane in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. That orange dress is GORGEOUS. | Marilyn monroe fashion, Gentlemen prefer blondes, Marilyn monroe photos
Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russel in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, 1953.
Image featured from Tumblr.

Gentleman Prefer Blondes – 1953

If you’ve ever heard the song “Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend” and wondered where it came from, this would be the original film. Gentleman Prefer Blondes is a saucy film from 1953 featuring Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell as two beautiful showgirls seeking to marry rich. In the film, Marilyn is engaged to a wealthy man whose father disapproves of their union. The father then goes on to hire a private investigator to try and catch Marilyn in activity while on a cruise that would disqualify her from the marriage. The film is bursting with vibrant and upbeat musical numbers, jaw dropping costumes, the American Olympic team of chiseled men, and a hilarious dynamic between the two female stars. There is so much wit and sharp comments jam packed into the scenes and the movie itself is set as a comedy, so there’s always something to keep you entertained.

There is absolutely no denying the iconic nature of the costumes in this piece. These are fashion moments that have inspired numerous modern day artists and Marilyn’s depictions in these scenes are still recognizable today. But it’s the dynamic duo of matching costumes that compliment both actresses that I love. You usually get a solo leading lady in most of the films from this era, but the fact that both characters are always presented as a united front is my absolute favorite detail. Their banter with each other and distinct personalities is just a ball to watch and it’s reflective of their actual friendship in real life.

Gentleman Prefer Blondes Fun Facts:*

  • Marilyn Monroe reportedly suggested the line “I can be smart when it’s important, but most men don’t like it.”
  • When told she was not the star of the film, Marilyn was quoted as saying: “Well, whatever I am, I AM the blonde.”
  • The ship model shown is the one used previously in Titanic (1953) and was refurbished to resemble the SS Ile de France, which is clearly named in the film.
  • The film was a rarity: a Hollywood version of a hit Broadway show that bowdlerized the stage score yet ended up improving on the original. Indeed
  • Gossip columnists tried to create a “feud” between Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell, but the pair got along famously. In her autobiography, Russell credited their fast friendship to their shared zodiac sign (Gemini). 

Final Thoughts

Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, and Marilyn Monroe are household names that depict the timeless glamour of a past age. However, most are unaware of the different roles they took on in Hollywood that created some of the most iconic fashion moments in all of history. While movies like Breakfast at Tiffany’s may take center stage, High Society, Sabrina, and Gentleman Prefer Blondes are all absolute stand-outs that provide a captivating plot, mesmerizing leads, and decadent fashion moments that stand on their own. I draw a lot of my own personal fashion inspiration from these types of films and find myself loving the connection to this time in Hollywood history.

Netflix and Amazon Prime are my go-to’s for viewing these older films and you can usually either rent it for a small price or purchase it for unlimited viewing for under $10.00. It’s absolutely worth the purchase to keep these classic films at your immediate access!

*Please note that all fun facts are derived from the film’s IMDB page and can be accessed via the links featured in the post. The Bolet Collective also has no ownership over the images used in this post and credits the original articles from which they were derived from in the caption.

A Pandemic Parable and Why Some Lessons Are Harder To Learn

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I’m not angry anymore. Well, sometimes I am. I don’t think badly of you. Well, sometimes I do. Depends on the day. – Paramore

The one year anniversary of a global pandemic has weighed on my heart the last few days. I get caught in a swirl of reminders of empty grocery store shelves, flipping through the news channels and sitting in silence trying to process what I’m hearing, of being in company and feeling all alone, stepping out onto my balcony to see helicopters swirling up and down my neighborhood, of joining my community in uproar over the unjust attacks on others. Protests, pandemics, politics, prayers, panic, and pure exhaustion come to mind.

My life one year ago is a 180 from the life I lead today. I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful for my health and for the safety and security of my friends, family, and loved ones. I’m thankful for health insurance and for a job that pays my bills. I’m thankful for having a pet like Luna Mia who brings me immense joy and comfort. But that doesn’t mean it’s been easy to experience or comprehend or that I’ve come out unscathed.

My life a year ago was one of fear and feeling trapped in a variety of situations. It was the realization that I wasn’t sure who I was anymore, I had no idea how I’d strayed so far, and I didn’t know how I’d get out.

As we all experience this global event together, loneliness, confusion, and isolation has been the common thread throughout. There’s only so many virtual meeting rooms that one can sustain before the reality of today’s world leaves us with a massive sense of loss.

The loss of sharing a meal together inside without reaching for a mask every five seconds someone walks past. The loss of office chatter and lunch dates and interactions with strangers on the subway. The loss of sharing birthdays, graduations, funerals, births, and other important life moments with the people we would want to have around us.

The loss of job security, medical insurance, of mental health benefits, the loss of life of our friends and family, the loss of in-person hugs and kisses, and the loss of overall safety. The loss of the little things like seeing a movie on a Tuesday night, going on a date with someone you don’t have to prescreen a million times for safety reasons, of freedom of choice with how and where you’d like to spend your time.

My heart breaks at every statistic of my community losing lives. My heart breaks at every Facebook post raising money for funeral costs or living expenses after a job loss. My heart breaks when kids are forced to play alone at a playground or I have to eat my meal alone inside my car. My heart breaks when I drive past my favorite small businesses shut down or I imagine how difficult it must be to pursue an academic career solely through a computer through some of the best years of college. My heart breaks at every parent having to be a parent, a teacher, an employee, and an emotional support system for others. My heart breaks for all the major life moments and all of the little life moments that are disrupted for myself and for others.

I don’t have the answers.

I’m still angry and upset about things sometimes. And I still get paralyzed by that anger.

I don’t have a list of tips or tricks on how to cope and I’m tired of seeing people post about their cute loungewear and slippers honestly. I’m sometimes more tired than I can even believe, until I realize I’m still processing things from a year ago on top of what’s currently happening everyday.

I don’t have an idea of what the repercussions will be after the dust settles.

What I do have is the understanding that sometimes the most painful processes are necessary for you to find your purpose or your peace. What I do know is that I’ve allowed myself to feel every good, bad, horrible, mundane, and glorious day and to process it all as it comes without suppressing it. What I do know is I now go out of my way to say hello, to connect with people when I can, to compliment a stranger, to support a small business, to reach out to friends and family, to be engaged in conversations, and to hug my dog super tight.

What I do know is that I appreciate a sit down dinner with a friend more than ever. What I do know is that we absolutely have to treat others with kindness, empathy, and respect, but also be selective about who we allow to enter our lives because the lack of social clutter has been eye-opening. What I do know now is that I am enough, regardless of my societal or environmental factors or relationship status.

A couple of weekends ago, I got a coffee from Starbucks in the early morning and walked around the block downtown surrounding my hotel to explore. I came to a crosswalk and there was this huge burst of sunshine that had creeped around a high-rise building and was flooding the area this stranger and I were standing in while we waited for the light to change.

I slightly turned and was just basking in the first big rays I had felt in awhile, but the man next to me thought I was staring at him. We both started talking about how the sun felt on our face and how genuinely incredible it was that it felt like it was just for us. I’m not even kidding. We then just spent a moment in the quiet intersection on a Saturday morning waiting for the crosswalk to turn on and with both of our eyes closed facing the sun. The light changed and we laughed our way down the crosswalk, joking that we were acting like we had never seen the sun before. A quick goodbye and a “have a good day” and we were off.

It made me remember that in the midst of the mess and the chaos and the unknown, there are pockets of time and experiences with others that remind me to slow down and face the sun. That not every moment is without value or meaning just because it looks different from what I’d consider the norm. And that the mundane might just be the most monumental thing of all.

Chicago is thawing and so am I. I’m deciding to shake off the winter and the dust and the frustration this year and pandemiversary has brought on. I’m turning towards the sun, towards others, and towards myself.

And if no one has told you yet, I love you and I’m proud of you for making it through this year.

How to Compliment Others with Confidence

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Let others see the good that you see in them. – Margaret Manning

I am the girl that will stop what she’s doing and compliment your outfit as I’m walking past. If you have a unique face mask and you pop into an elevator with me, I will make sure to let you know. If you were super helpful at my hotel check-in or at the grocery store, I’m the first to say thank you. I love telling my friends that I’m proud of them. I genuinely love giving compliments.

There’s just something about seeing someone’s entire demeanor shift after you call out something positive in them. Maybe it’s the extra pep in their step, but people genuinely transform when they’re acknowledged by strangers and by loved ones in a positive way and that feeling lingers. I didn’t used to always be that way. If I liked something about someone, I kept it to myself or I felt awkward speaking up about it. But being in a pandemic and having such limited interaction with others, I’ve made it a point to always compliment someone in a genuine way when I can.

Sometimes, we want to show the people in our lives that we truly and deeply care about them. But we can’t find the words or we think of high-level compliments like, “Your hair looks great today!” or “Your outfit is super cute!” I’ve put together some of my favorite ways to give thanks or call out positive attributes about someone across different areas of our lives.

To a friend

  • Spending time with you always rejuvenates me and makes me feel great.
  • You have such a contagious and joyful laugh.
  • I’m so proud of you for taking that big idea on.
  • You are such a fun and energetic person to be around.
  • Thank you for being such a great listener.

To a coworker

  • You are so incredibly well-spoken.
  • Your support and involvement in this team makes a big difference.
  • I admire your accountability and attentiveness to our project or meetings.
  • I genuinely enjoy working with you on a routine basis.
  • Your knowledge and expertise on this topic is incredibly helpful.

To a stranger

  • You look absolutely radiant today.
  • You have such a kind smile.
  • You look like you’re having an amazing day.
  • You just made my day.
  • Thank you so much for helping me with that.

To your family

  • I admire how strong you are.
  • Thank you for always being there for me and supporting me.
  • I love spending time with you.
  • You’re an important person in my life.
  • Thank you for always making a point to reach out and say hello.

To your partner

  • You inspire me everyday.
  • I feel like I can always be my authentic self around you.
  • I love the life we are building together and that we both get to be a part of it.
  • I noticed how hard you worked on that and it turned out incredible.
  • Spending time with you is always my favorite. I love it when we get to ________.

To yourself

  • The world is a better place with you in it.
  • You have a gift for _________.
  • I love your willingness to try new things.
  • You’re always learning and always growing and I really admire that about you.
  • I love the way your mind works.

Final Thoughts

It might sound cheesy, but reworking ourselves to speak up on the things we admire about others is important. You never know what others are experiencing or what reservations they had about taking something on and your words could be the additional driver that keeps them going.

It’s also important to remember to accept compliments when they’re given to you and to do so graciously. “Thank you so much! That was so thoughtful of you to say.” “I really appreciate you saying that, thank you.” These are ways we can recognize when we’re being complimented and accept it as part of our own truth without needing to dismiss or downplay when others speak positively about us.

This year has been tough for all of us. Let’s work on building others and making others feel like they’re important.

The Top Four Glamorous Items to Look For When Thrifting

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Growing up, I was never the girl with the latest fashions. My parents prioritized other things financially and I’m thankful for that. But if I wanted to look good, I had to get creative. Thrifting for me started out of necessity, but has continued well past that point. I absolutely love the thrill of finding unique and high quality pieces at an incredible price. I have even furnished entire apartments out of Facebook Marketplace and thrift store finds and the majority of my wardrobe is secondhand by choice.

Today, clothes are built for a season, and not for a lifetime. The clothes I thrift tend to be vintage or from high end consignment stores with a higher level of craftsmanship. Yes, I do still shop at the H&M’s and Zara’s of the world, but I gravitate towards basics and solid colors that I can mix and match with my more eccentric thrifted pieces and I always take advantage of their holiday sales.

I genuinely find so much joy and excitement in the search. I have found Burberry purses shoved in the back of the accessories rack and a Christian Dior two piece suit in the blazer section. I’ve also found high quality new with tags cashmere sweaters for $4.00, a 16 book Harvard Classics collection, and random DVDs of my favorite childhood movies that are not available online. Each of these finds made me so excited to stumble upon them that day.

However, not all items are made alike. In fact, the majority of the items won’t be and it’s why most people get overwhelmed when they initially start thrifting. This is why it’s important to train your eye to know what to look for and where to search first. When thrifting, I tend to look for high quality fabrics, structured craftsmanship, and pristine condition. I can scan a rack without touching anything and I immediately know what is high quality and what isn’t. I’ll select the pieces that stand out or double-check the tags for information on the material breakdown, but 90% of the time, I’m right. However, I’ve also noted that there are certain pieces I’m more likely to find and will therefore pick up more often.

These are my personal favorites.

Silk Scarves

This is my secret to instantly dressing up an outfit or adding a pop of color without committing to anything over the top. I tend to stick to a neutral color palette when I get dressed and specifically love to dress in black and white, but I still like to have fun incorporating some accents here and there. A silk scarf is a luxurious touch to any handbag and can be tied loosely through the bag loop or secured in a floppy bow. It can also be worn tied in a variety of ways around the neck for that extra Parisian flair. Silk scarves make you feel instantly put together, I can’t describe it. My favorite silk scarf that I thrifted was one I picked up in Boston with the names of each US President embedded into the pattern. Today, these luxurious touches are seen less frequently, so wearing them is an instant standout.

Handbags

This could be the large oversized leather totes that I use to carry my work items or the smaller, more formal beaded bags that I use for dinner outings and special dates. Don’t get me wrong, I love designer handbags and they’re absolutely stunning. But at the moment, I’m focusing on saving and investing my money and it’s not the time for me to splurge on a high-end item. I don’t feel like I’m missing out though because I’ve built a vast collection of fun and quirky handbags that match any occasion and that I genuinely always get compliments on. They’re usually always under $10.00 and I love the intricate beading and handles that different bags come with.

Belts

I’m more recently a belt person, but it’s only because I’ve thrifted some truly beautiful belts that instantly level up an outfit. Usually, thrifted belts are made out of a higher quality, as opposed to the synthetic leather commonly seen, and they include real leather or brass elements that give the piece a longer lifetime. I use them to cinch in flowy blouses and dresses for additional definition in the waist or to wrap up a loose jacket in the wintertime. I’ve even used chain belts as the ultimate statement necklace too!

Blazers / Jackets

This is my all time favorite thing to thrift. I have a massive collection of high quality jackets and since I live in the Midwest, they get year round use. I love how a beautiful coat instantly makes an outfit more put together and formal and it adds immediate drama to a look when draped over your shoulders. I especially tend to gravitate to long coats that hit below my hips, so they look even more put together than a short cropped jacket that is seen more frequently today.

In addition, thrifted coats are typically older and have much higher construction quality due to the craftsmanship standard of previous eras. This may be shown with real brass buttons, triple interior linings, wool or other high quality fabrics, and additional structure to the garment. Cheap blazers tend to hang off the body, whereas a high quality vintage one will immediately have structure and presence to it.

Final Thoughts

Thrifting wasn’t as trendy as it is now when I was growing up, but I’m a lifelong advocate for the frugal fashion one can find. I’d much rather spend my money on an investment that will reap additional returns or on a night out with friends or on a weekend vacation. If you’re confused on where to start looking when thrifting, these four areas are an incredible spot to try first. You’re more likely to find high quality items here and once you start training your eye to know what to look for, you won’t have to spend hours sifting through racks of clothing or accessories. You can simply scan and gravitate towards those stellar statement pieces.

For additional styling tips of some of my favorite thrifted pieces, check out my Reels on Instagram @theboletcollective.

Failure is Not The Final Destination – Fail Forward

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My freshman year of college was a year of firsts. My first time living outside of my home. My first time stepping foot inside a sorority and even truly knowing what Greek life was. My first time having a slice of Antonio’s pizza at two in the morning. My first time learning what “icing out” meant. (It’s a U of I thing.)

I also had another monumental first. I failed my first semester of college.

Looking back now, it seems so trivial in the grand scheme of things. But at the time, I remember feeling so overwhelmed and underprepared for both the rigor and freedom that university life brought on. I remember taking a midterm in late September, flunking it, and assuming I had multiple exams throughout the semester to make up for it. It was only after I reviewed the syllabus that I realized that midterm was 30% of my grade and there was not going to be another opportunity to make it up.

Arriving to campus as a journalism major, I was so confident that my future as a news anchor was what I wanted. All it took was plopping down for JOUR101 and hearing the first fifteen minutes of class to start perusing my university website for steps on how to drop a class. I remember feeling so lost on where to go next, especially considering I had four years of coursework up in the air now.

Failing my first semester of college was a massive reality check for me. It pushed me to face my inefficient study habits, my irregular sleep schedule, my misalignment with my proposed major and course of study, and to make a game plan for what I actually wanted to study and accomplish.

Today, I have not one, but two degrees from the University of Illinois. I found my passion in the Political Science department and spent my undergraduate experience interning with an Illinois state senator and government affairs office, making lifelong friends in my sorority, studying abroad in Granada, Spain, and living my best life on a Big Ten college campus. I continued to make Illinois my home, as I pursued my graduate degree in Technology Management and Information Systems in the Gies College of Business. Today, I work with Fortune 100 companies and their C-Suites to solve complex cyber security and data privacy issues.

On one hand, I’m far away from the freshman Sam failing college. On the other hand, I’ve never been closer to her. She is the reason I’m here today.

Failure didn’t deter me or make me feel like I wasn’t capable of handling a university experience. It led me to seek external resources such as tutors, create a study schedule, stay organized, and to build relationships with my professors and teaching assistants. It was a stepping stone to greatness and not the boulder that took me down.

If I were to go back and give advice to freshman Sam, here are some of the things I’d tell her to keep in mind.

STAY ORGANIZED

Whether you prefer digital calendars or a paper planner, having somewhere to document upcoming dates, events, deadlines, and homework assignments is critical. Before you start every class, download and print out the syllabus and make sure you go through and highlight any important call outs and dates to know. This way you won’t get caught off guard when your midterm is three weeks into the class and worth a large chunk of your grade. It’s also important to stay organized and know what your graduation and major requirements are. As someone who changed her major multiple times, this was only possible because I took classes that either overlapped or counted for my overall graduation requirements. Figure out what you need to get the overall degree and then figure out what classes it’s going to take for you to enjoy yourself during the process.

MANAGE YOUR TIME

This was an area I really struggled with. Although my classes were rigorous, there was no one to stop me from staying up until five in the morning and sleeping all day. I could go out with friends and push off my responsibilities and no one was there to tell me otherwise. Learn how to manage your time and account for the fun times and the academic ones. I learned that I liked having my classes bulked in the morning because I could go and get them out of the way, take a nap when I got home, and work on homework or relax later. Making a plan and figuring out my own preferences was critical to getting this down.

SEEK RESOURCES

College is the one time in your life where you are constantly surrounded by free resources to help you succeed. There are always professor office hours, peers that have taken the class before and can provide support, teaching assistants to answer questions, libraries to pull research from, etc. If you don’t get something, odds are there’s a resource out there to help you. Take advantage of this and don’t be shy! I showed up to so many informational meetings, office hours, free lunches with a speaker, etc. but I loved being able to use these resources.

GET TO KNOW YOUR FACULTY

Remember that exam I told you I failed in the beginning? Well, I ended up working my butt off and received an A- on the final. My TA knew how much work I had put into studying because I was constantly asking him questions and coming in for office hours, so he hand-wrote me a note on my exam that said he was proud of my improvement and to keep going. This was a major deal because it was a lecture hall kind of class with over 300+ students. I kid you not, I saved that exam with that note and still have it today. I also ended up taking every single Political Science course he was a TA for because I knew I enjoyed his teaching style and we had built a good relationship. This was only possible because I made it a point to get to know my professors and to reach out to them when I was visibly struggling.

FAILURE IS NOT THE FINAL STOP

Failing a class or a semester is not the end all be all. Routine behavior that doesn’t honor your academic responsibilities over an extended period of time is. It’s okay to not be great at every single class or to nail every single exam. There were some classes where I was just happy to pass. But study hard, try your best and move on. You can always take an easier class to bump up your GPA if need be or do a grade replacement course if it’s offered.

Final Thoughts

As an adult, you don’t remember that horrible final in ECON203 or that difficult essay for your Religion class. (I’m looking at you Intro to Buddhism 101.) You remember that you made the best of your college experience, tried hard, stayed honest with yourself, and fought for the grades and opportunities you know you deserved. I ended up graduating on the Political Science Honor society and going off to get my graduate degree from the Gies College of Business in Technology Management and Information Systems. Sometimes, I’ll sit back and think “Oh yeah, that did happen”… and then I move on with my life. Being the first in my family to enter the American academic system was not without its challenges, but I made the best with what I had. The idea of “failing forward” is the recognition that we’re all to fail at some point. We’re never going to get everything right on the first try and that’s okay. Fail in the direction of where you want to go, learn from your mistakes, and keep trying until you get it right. For me, failure was not the end of the world, but there was a lot of work that went into making sure that was the case.

What You Need To Know About Your Personal Finances

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Let’s talk money. And let’s be real with ourselves. Do you know what your financial profile looks like? Do you know what you should be looking for? Are you planing for your financial future? In all sincerity, when I first started my first job out of graduate school, I didn’t know a lot about this. My benefits package felt like a pile of paperwork written in a different language and I didn’t register for my 401K for an entire year because I was too scared and felt overwhelmed by all of the legal and financial jargon.

Get yourself in the habit of asking, does this decision support the life I am trying to create?

Sometimes, I would avoid looking at my bank account and just Russian roulette my debt card at the cash register to see if it would go through. These are definitely not my proudest moments, but I learned a lot from them. Specifically, I’ve learned that I cannot let my fear or unfamiliarity on a topic stop me from pursuing financial wellness and that denial or ignorance is not a place I want to continue to live my life from.

As we discuss what financial attributes are important to know, here are some of the major areas that you should be aware of to have a better understanding of your financial profile. Please keep in mind I am not a finance professional and this information is purely for informative or entertainment purposes and should not be seen as professional advice. Any action you take from this article is at your own risk.

For further information around disclaimers, please view our disclaimer page here.

Your credit score

This is an excellent starting point to determine an overall estimate of your financial profile, as it provides a record of your open and closed accounts, payment history, potential collections, and more. A credit score is a number within the ranges of 300-850 that determines your credit risk profile, as well as your financial habits such as payment history and overall debt load. This credit score number is vastly important because it can dictate your eligibility for affordable student loan interest rates, eligibility for apartments for rent or for purchase, and approval for automobile purchases.

Thankfully, there are a few ways to find out what your credit score is. One is by reaching out to the three credit bureaus online and asking for a free annual report. The three major credit bureaus are TransUnion, Equifax, and Experian. Two, and my personal favorite, is to access a bank account or credit card account that provides rough estimates of your credit score on a monthly basis for free. Chase, Discover, and Citibank all currently have monthly credit reports that are generated and linked to your account. You will not receive any penalties for checking your account through these.

The importance of knowing your credit score is that it’s a starting point for you to determine what your financial picture looks like.

Your student loan amount and interest rates

If you do not have student loans, feel free to skip this section! But if you’re like me, you came out of college with a significant amount of student loans and had no idea how to even begin understanding what you owed, how fast it was accruing, and at what interest rate. This can be further broken down in a different blog post, but for now, you can look at your credit score under accounts to see what different lenders are linked to your profile.

In the instance you only have one lender, perhaps a common lender such as Great Lakes, you can create an account on the Great Lakes website and login to find out these data points. They can provide more information about your specific loan breakdown, repayment periods, auto pay discounts, and different interest rates. It’s important to recognize your overall student loan debt and the varying interest rates that you might be juggling to make a game plan for repayment.

For example, since I took out loans during different time periods of my college career, I had over five different interest rate amounts with my student loan provider. Calculating what my highest and lowest rates were and determining how much I was paying in annual interest alone was a huge wake up call. Knowing this number and having a tangible understanding of my total debt picture allowed me to look at refinancing options and other methods of bringing my principal balance down. This was only possible by doing research on my student loan profile and getting clear on who I owed and what I owed.

Your monthly budget

Sincerely, this one has always been tough for me and it’s something I’m continuously working on. As I first started my post graduate life, I threw all of my money to student loans and to traveling and expensive Ubers. I figured I was being responsible by making large sum payments on my student loans, so I earned the flexibility on other areas of my life. Wrong! While it’s not about earning versus not earning fun purchases, it’s about having a game plan that honors your savings, debt repayment, and overall budgeting goals before you dig into your money pot to spend it on unnecessary things.

As I’ve progressed into adulthood, working with a financial planner was incredibly helpful. He provided guidance and a strong starting point for truthfully evaluating my spending habits, my debt repayment goals, my savings for retirement and emergency fund goals, and other milestones I wanted to account for.

In addition, setting a rough budget gives me a mental allocation to my finances once they hit my account. Instead of seeing xxx amount of money and thinking about what I could buy or do, I think about my other obligations first and then come to a more realistic number for my “fun” budget. I also give value to each dollar that hits my account and know where it needs to be allocated to reach my objective. I’ll budget money for shopping or food or other extras, but I primarily make sure my financial commitments are covered first.

Your financial goals

As we mentioned earlier when discussing a proper budget, it’s important to do so because it enables you to reach your financial goals. Failure to plan is a plan to fail. These goals can vary person to person, but can include things like paying off an X amount of your student loans in three years, investing into your 401K or Roth IRA, setting money aside for a big trip or weekend getaway you’d like to take, or putting money away for a three to six month emergency fund.

Your needs may vary, but defining what exactly those needs are and how your current financial profile can meet them is imperative. I’ve found by doing this, I also create a level of tangible accountability for myself where instead of saying “Oh, I’d like to pay off my loans one day”, it’s “I have a goal of paying off 10% of my overall student debt in the next three years and this is the monthly payment I need to reach that goal.” Having that specific goal keeps me on track and makes sure that I honor my personal commitments.

Don’t forget to create fun financial goals as well! Even if it’s a weekly coffee fund or a rainy day fund, give yourself something to look forward to when you’re saving. Once you do get the chance to treat yourself, it’ll feel even better because you know you’re doing it in a responsible way.

Your amount of consumer debt

Credit cards! Points! Travel perks! There are so many wonderful things that credit cards can provide if they’re used appropriately and paid off on a regular basis. But what happens when we outspend what we make and we find ourselves paying massively high interest rates on racking credit card debt?

First of all, it’s important to know how many accounts you have open. Again, you can use your credit score as a starting point to identify what is under your name. Second, you need to find out what is the balance on each of these accounts. Third, you need to evaluate what amount of interest rates are you accruing monthly.

I know it’s easy to get up to the register for a big purchase or even multiple small ones and swipe your card thinking you’ll deal with it later. But then later comes and it’s at the cost of a 28.99% APR and all of a sudden, you’re not sure how you’re going to pay things down.

Knowing your consumer debt profile gives you a starting point and an opportunity to assess where you could be prioritizing making minimum payments versus higher amounts for faster repayment so that you can eliminate them as soon as possible.

Your net worth

Lastly, the previous metrics all come together to compile what is known as your net worth. If it’s negative, don’t fret! You may be working with large amounts of students loans that your savings won’t be able to balance out yet. That’s okay, but having an understanding of what this number overall looks like is an excellent starting point to make a game plan. Your net worth is a wholistic picture of your debts, investments, and savings and provides a picture of your financial and non-financial assets minus your liabilities.

Once you have an idea of what your net worth calculation is, you can begin to make a strategy. What areas do you want to focus on first? Do you have an emergency fund? Can you refinance your student loans for a more competitive interest rate? Can you commit to making larger payments on your consumer debt?

You can calculate this net worth manually with pen and paper and breaking down your financial responsibilities. There are also financial monitoring and planning apps like Mint that automatically calculate this for you based on the accounts that you link to the application.

Final thoughts

The idea behind knowing these six key financial attributes isn’t meant to scare you. On the contrary, it’s meant for you to have a clear awareness of what your financial profile is and how you can get started on enhancing it for your future.

It is never too early to start thinking about your financial security and it’s especially important when you start to earn your own money and can make advancements on your financial objectives.

Please note that I am not a financial professional and this is meant to be informative and all information provided here is meant to be taken at your own risk. This is not considered financial advice and is meant for entertainment or informative purposes only.

How a Peony Shortage Sparked a Conversation Around Self-Love and Self- Care

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It all started with a local request for recommendations on where to find peonies during the Chicago winter season between two Instagram content creators. Peonies are a gorgeous full bloom floral that are usually mostly prevalent during the spring time. After seeing her post and responding that they weren’t currently in season, we started to have a conversation regarding floral seasons, the best spots to pick up affordable bouquets, and how the floral inventory was being impacted by COVID shipping and availability. As two avid flower fanatics, we had a lot to say on the matter. What we didn’t expect was that what started as a simple inquiry around flowers blossomed into a conversation between two strangers around self-love, self-care, and self-awareness.

Flowers are usually seen as tokens for special occasions. Maybe it’s to celebrate a promotion or a graduation or a birthday or a house warming party. Maybe it’s to show a loved one you care or to surprise someone on a Sunday or to flatter someone on a first date. But flowers can also be a gesture of radical self-love and self-care. One that states you don’t need a special occasion or someone else to remind you that you are worthy of gorgeous gestures for yourself, no matter how small or big.

“You know, it’s just the little things that make your heart smile. Walking past a bouquet on the counter. On the dining table. You feel loved.” – Taiyes Balcony

As we continued to discuss what this small act of kindness to one’s self meant, I checked my phone notifications. There were two Instagram notifications. One for Taiyes messages and another for an account called “The Peony Collective” that was just now having an Instagram live. The serendipity of it all felt too symbolic to brush off.

I felt even further drawn to the conversation and reflected on my own relationship with gestures of self love.

Aren’t we deserving of gorgeous gestures? Aren’t we the luxury? Aren’t we the special occasion? Why should we await to be gifted something that is both accessible and decadent at the same time? Shouldn’t we treat ourselves the way we aspire to be treated?

Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of reserving certain things for special occasions. If I were to have my Christmas tree up year around, I can’t imagine it would be the same as the giddy flutters I feel unwrapping my ornaments as Frank Sinatra plays in the background in a snowy December. But for things that are not bound seasonally, that are accessible, that are luxurious and feminine and delicate, why should we walk past the floral aisle in the grocery store without picking something up for ourselves?

The conversation continued. A moment of vulnerability was sprinkled in a comment around how self-love sets the tone for how we get treated by others. She continued to state that she had made a few mistakes, but had worked on herself and was better for it.

She had the perfect audience.

I jumped at the opportunity and immediately shared my own experience with this. I shared how I had left a relationship that had inevitably drained me entirely of my self-confidence and self-respect. Mutually, we both ached and resonated with the personal battles the other had faced under similar circumstances. An hour ago, we were strangers. An hour later, we were not.

“I think the best thing we can do is realize we have our entire lives for external companionship and partnership. This may be the last few years we have in true solitary and in true independence to do what we want when we want and how we want. We have to romanticize that and remember we are not without, we are within. ” – The Bolet Collective

The conversation stemmed over the hour. We talked about the small acts of kindness and distraction that are necessary to work through a tired and broken heart. We talked about the fact that there’s no set timeline or milestone that one reaches when working through something like this. We talked about the people in our lives that gave us the emotional support and the small things we did to be our own support. We talked about divorce rates during COVID and the delicate line between embracing someones flaws and quirks and tolerating qualities that exceed flaws because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do. We shared resources, sent photos of books we had read to facilitate the process, and sent links to blog posts that mirrored our experiences.

I joined my family for dinner later and couldn’t shake the conversation. How did two strangers strike a conversation over flowers and then land on something so delicate, vulnerable, and real? As I continued to mull it over, the irony of the proximity of Valentine’s Day being three days away was not lost on me. We were being bombarded with at home date ideas, couples photoshoot styling, and dinner for two advertisements. Buying flowers for yourself with the sole intent of being the only person that saw them on your way to the kitchen was a small act of rebellion.

The flowers were the tiny pièce de résistance to a society that kept telling you love is only romantic. Love can be whatever you want it to be. It can be love with a friend, a beloved pet, a mentor, a neighbor, a stranger on the street, or love to one’s self. By this definition, you might already be living the most romantic life possible without even realizing it.

We’re in a pandemic and every day is a luxury and we need to start acting like it. As Taiyes said, “One day, we will be free and everything will be in abundance.” I know that this will be the case and I cannot wait for that day. The day when I can go to a movie theater for a screening, have a large group of friends out at dinner, have the choice to work in the office or at home or at a coffee shop, travel without worry. But until then, we will continue to treat ourselves like the ultimate luxury and give ourselves the right to pursue a life full of abundance regardless of the current circumstances.

One day, you’ll receive flowers for every special occasion. But for now, you can also create that luxury moment and remember you are the special occasion.

Next time, don’t just stop and smell the roses. Buy the peonies, get a gorgeous vase, spend a thoughtful moment arranging them, and remind yourself that you are worthy of gorgeous gestures rooted in self-love and self-care.

Are Pageants Even Relevant To The Modern Woman Today?

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Okay, I drew you in with the title, but the answer is yes. I won’t even beat around the bush or sugar coat it. Yes a million times. I’ll tell you why. When I was thirteen years old, I received a letter in the mail from an organization called National American Miss. It was a pageant for young girls that focused on evening gown, public speaking, community service, and interview as its competition categories. My parents had no idea what to do with the begging pre-teen who was asking to go to the open call, but eventually they gave in.

We packed up the minivan a couple weeks later and headed to the hotel listed on the invitation and entered the hotel ballroom. I don’t even remember what happened that day. I don’t even remember why or how I was mailed that invitation when I had never participated in pageants before. All I remember is the letter, the hotel parking lot, and the moment I put my deposit down to compete for the title of Miss Illinois Jr. Teen.

Fast forward 12 years later, I am a twenty six year old professional. I have competed in numerous pageants growing up, I acted as a coach for my younger sister when she started to compete, and I ending up winning the Miss Illinois Teen title on my fifth and final year of eligibility. Five years!! I was having an out of body experience when they called the winner out of eighty girls that I didn’t even realize they called my name. I was the first ever Miss Lake in the Hills, I won Miss McHenry County and won Best in Speech and Communications at the Miss Illinois pageant with a speech I wrote in my hotel room the night before. My sister began competing and I coached her from not placing at all at a local Miss Chicago pageant to placing First Runner-up at the Miss Illinois Pre-Teen competition. Pageants are a family affair too, my entire family would coordinate their wardrobe with our evening gowns and if I was the most nervous person in the room, my parents were the second. I have traveled all over the country for pageants with my mom and it has become a longstanding girls weekend tradition for us.

So in short, yes, I am big believer on the relevancy of pageants. Here’s why.

“I am a standing advocate for the professional, personal, and purpose driven elements of pageantry that have molded me into the woman I am today.”

The life skills that I learned in pageants have propelled me in my life and set me up for success in a variety of areas of the real world. They have forced me to define and organize my sense of self, advocate for others, win gracefully, lose gracefully, and have fun in between. I’ve learned that zippers have a mind of their own when you’re backstage and need to zip a dress. I have made life long friends with women I have traveled the country with, learned from, and networked with. I have asked myself difficult questions about what I stand for and I have also answered questions about what kind of shoe I would be. (Silly question, but it’s actually a personality based one.)

Professional

A critical element of every pageant is the interview portion. However, it’s not your typical job interview of twenty to thirty minutes or even an hour long. No. The judges have approximately anywhere between one minute (if it’s a round table and you speak to each judge individually) to five minutes if it’s a panel. This means you need to be efficient, communicative, authentic, and inspiring within the span of the time it might take most of us to brush our teeth in the morning. It means there is no time to fumble or ask for a second question or take time to think through things. Your A game is the only option. You spend months preparing accordingly.

Another critical element of the pageant is public speaking. Whether it’s in the form of an on-stage question or a spokesmodel section of the competition, you need to master your stage presence and your articulation when addressing hundreds of people. You usually have a time limit with these as well, so the same challenge of timely and thoughtful communication comes into play at a grander level, especially when addressing societal issues and challenging topics.

There is no job that I can think of that wouldn’t benefit from confidence in the interview room or in a public speaking environment. As pageant girls, we are skilled at commanding the attention of a room and do so with confidence at a very young age. I personally have benefitted from these skills and do not get intimidated by interviews in the workplace.

Personal

When you’re a pageant girl, you’re a competitor. It’s not the fun reality, but the fact of the matter is that there’s one crown and a number of girls vying for it. However, this does not mean you don’t learn how to compete and how to make friends at the same time. I have built lifelong friendships with women I competed with for years. When one of us would win, there was a genuine excitement that her dreams had come true for her because we knew the journey it had taken to get there.

One of my absolute favorite things is watching the little girls who competed at the same time as me grow up to be amazing teenagers and young women. These are girls that have their own charities, foundations, national platforms, honor roll placements, etc. I have even traveled to Miss USA and Miss Universe with friends I met through pageantry, years after we stopped competing. This balance of preparing for the crown, but also enjoying the competition is an incredibly valuable attribute to have in real life. It teaches you grace, humility, and the fact that we should cheer for others until it’s our turn.

Although pageants are an incredibly public event, the bulk of the work is internal and personal. It’s months of practice on your own running through interview questions, defining your brand, eating healthy and working out, deciding what stances you’ll take on societal issues, etc. It’s being honest with yourself, practicing self discipline and self love, and believing that you are worthy of the pursuit of a title. This isn’t always easy and it can sometimes be challenging to think through what you stand for or why you deserve to win, but at the end of the day, it’s incredibly rewarding to have an understanding of why you’re there.

Purpose

I always laugh when people ask how I prepare for a pageant and assume it’s all shopping and dress fittings. Usually, that’s the last step you engage in as a competitor. Before you find the gown, you need to find the girl. You need to discover who you are, what you’re passionate about, how you’d like to create a legacy and give back to your community, what kind of titleholder you’d like to be, etc.

I just recently attend a pageant prep workshop and the main theme of the weekend was defining your why. Why are you competing? Why are you a strong representative? These are questions that outside of a pageantry context might seem strange to ask, but they have actually always spurred a sense of purpose in me. It urges me to consider the type of person I want to be and the type of leader I want to be. It forces me to address my own limitations and insecurities that say I’m not good enough or I’m not ready. It forces me to make a plan, define a strategy, and do daily work to reach that goal.

At the pageant prep workshop, there were floor markers that indicated “You belong here.” While these were in reference to COVID social distancing efforts, I found myself truly thinking. Did I belong there? Did I still have the pageant girl in me? Was I in over my head? Was I tall enough, was I small enough, was I enough period? It had been almost seven years since I had last competed in a pageant and although I was always interested, I kept putting off getting back into pageantry. Year after year, I made an excuse and I counted myself out before I could even jump into things.

In fact, at the end of the weekend, when prompted how I had felt about the day, I began to cry. At first, I felt embarrassed and caught off guard at my reaction. Seriously, I was fine one second and having a Kim Kardashian crying moment the next. But upon further reflection, I realized that I had forgotten what it felt like to truly believe in myself and to find myself worthy of things that were thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Working with my coaches at Pink Door Prep propelled me to address this in a mock pageant session and bring this sentiment to the forefront. Their authenticity, grace, and empathy in their response to my reaction just further reinforced to me that I was in the right room with the right people and that I needed to start believing that I was the right person too. Sometimes, we get lost in all of the glitz and the glamour and the flash. What it boils down to ultimately is, “Am I doing this for myself?”

I have dealt with a lot of various insecurities my whole life and they were rearing their head now that I was putting myself out there again. I had not competed in such a long time and the process of defining my why was not something that I was used to practicing in my adult life. Being pulled back into the pageant arena, I realized this and began to value the person I’ve become and felt a sense of purpose to push through my fear and go for it anyways.

Final thoughts

Pageantry has truly defined who I am and I’m a pageant girl loud and proud. But it’s not always easy. There are years without placements in the Top 5, years where you run into catty contestants (and their moms honestly), years where you 150% believe you can win and plan like no other and still lose, years where you prepare and still make silly mistakes that cost you the crown, and years where you feel burnt out and over it. I remember one year where I lost the title by half a point and just sat in the car ride home silently fuming and looking out the window like a drama queen. But this is like any other environment and honestly, this is like life. You win some, you lose some, but you make the best out of it regardless.

Pageantry is an all encompassing experience that encourages women to put their best foot forward in literally all aspects. Professional, personal, and purpose driven elements are at core of the modern pageant woman today. Pageantry encourages sportsmanship, community impact, self awareness, a stellar wardrobe, professional presence, refined public speaking skills, and the belief in one’s self that yes, you can do it. Modern women today have the ability to choose what they stand for and pageantry is a platform to showcase this. It may not be for everyone, and that’s okay. The Super Bowl isn’t for everyone and I’ve learned that I don’t defend myself to people who are set on misunderstanding the value of pageants. But for those that do understand and welcome it, you’re in for a life changing experience.

And remember, you belong here.

26 Things I Learned By My 26th Birthday

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Twenty six. Twenty six years to define my life. Twenty six opportunities to blow out candles. Twenty six Happy Birthday songs. Birthdays are always a big deal for me. Every year, I throw a big party or dinner with my friends and make the most out of my special day. A pandemic birthday feels different. Notable, but not in the traditional sense. It feels more intimate, more personal. It feels like cozy dinners, fresh flowers, and moments of gratitude to appreciate life. When you’ve made your way around the sun twenty six times, you pick up a thing or two. Here are my twenty six favorites.

  1. Your strength and self-respect are yours. Never give those things away.

2. Eating healthy is a priority and you can make healthy meals fun and enjoyable. You don’t need to be obsessed with intricate two hour long recipes or with every single vegetable available. (I’m looking at you, eggplant and arugula.) Find what you like and stick to it if that’s what works for you.

3. You can and should trust your own instincts more. Asking for feedback from friends and family can be important, but it’s not always necessary. You’re the one that has to deal with the results of your decisions, so check-in with how you’re feeling about things first before you start crowd sourcing how others think you should feel or react.

4. You can usually tell whether or not you’re compatible with someone or would like to see them again within the first five minutes of talking to them. Trust this feeling. If some guy rubs you the wrong way and you’re hoping it was just an oversight, it usually isn’t. Save yourself the time and move along.

5. Saying no in the workplace will not make you any less like-able. Saying yes to work you cannot or do not want to take on and then having a bad attitude or stressful day because of it will. Honor your commitments when you make them, but also be selective and honest with what you take on. Practice self advocacy.

6. Having a pet of your own will bring you an immense amount of joy, peace, comfort, and responsibility. It will also include lots of Boston Terrier farts and ruined heels and shoes. Plan accordingly, but also relish in the fact that you’re taking care of a tiny little being that adores you and is your best friend.

7. Participating in gossip is a murky trait that you do not want to be a part of. Do not be shy to shut down comments from others that are malicious or backhanded and don’t speak about people privately in ways that you wouldn’t speak publicly to them.

8. No relationship, friendship or romantic, is EVER worth your mental sanity. If it’s causing you unnecessary stress and they’re not having a healthy response to conflict resolution, then goodbye and good riddance. Sometimes, their energy is just rubbing you the wrong way and you can’t figure out why. Don’t stick around to find out, just leave it at that and move along.

9. Just because you have access to financial funds does not mean they’re available for whatever purpose you feel like. Plan, prioritize, and protect your money. You won’t regret paying down debts, building up savings, and investing in your future. You are worthy of financial stability and success.

10. Red flags are red flags are red flags are flags that are 100% red. They are not any less of a red flag just because someone had a traumatic upbringing or they are good looking or they are insecure and don’t know how to handle their own emotional turbulence. You cannot fix or change someone that is not motivated to be a better version of themselves for themselves. Move along. Immediately.

11. You can be an introvert and an extrovert. You can equally love and sing to every Frank Sinatra and Cardi B song. You can be the pageant girl and the captain of the debate team and the cyber security boss. You don’t have to define yourself or your personality or interests into any strict category. Like what you like, love what you love, this is your life.

12. Your siblings and cousins that you grew up with are all going to turn into amazing young adults and incredible friends to lean on and build with. Support one another and stay close.

13. Setting boundaries and pushing back when people violate them isn’t being rude. It’s your right to accept or deny what you allow into your life. When people get defensive or accusatory, it’s usually because they were benefitting from your loose boundaries previously and are angry at the change or pushback. That is not your problem.

14. It took you 26 years to build your talents, skillsets, heart, and confidence and five years of university to get your degrees. Don’t expect overnight returns on your initial investments. Great things take time and it’s okay to take an extended break to work on yourself or to let projects take time to gain traction. Don’t give up.

15. Support and celebrate others, even if you’re not there yet. Being inspired and excited for someone’s special life moments and being jealous and spiteful are two experiences worlds apart. Truly take the time to celebrate a friend’s promotion, new baby, new marriage, or whatever it may be, even if their personal milestones look different from yours.

16. Working on your communication skills, both written, verbal, and non-verbal, is the most important skillset you can learn for any career. Learning how to speak with confidence, write with eloquence, and stand with elegance are all things you can carry with you wherever you go.

17. Set goals. And don’t just set what you think you can achieve. Push yourself to think about your craziest life passions and dreams. Articulate these through journals, vision boards, notes in your iPhone, sticky notes around your home, Pinterest boards, wherever. Manifestation and energy is constantly there. Attract and expect the very best.

18. Somedays, you just won’t feel like doing life. That’s totally fine and expected. Take the day off, put on your favorite musicals, clean your room, buy flowers, order your favorite meal, get some sleep, and just chill out. You can try again tomorrow. And the day after that.

19. There is never going to be a point in your life where you won’t be a work in progress or figuring certain things out. Each year and stage of your life will require a refined version of you and it’s okay to be redefining what that looks like and who that is.

20. Social media is a wonderful, wonderful thing. But you don’t need to have every single kind of account. Pick your favorites, monitor your usage, limit your comparison to others, and remember to still enjoy your life offline. That’s the one that counts anyways.

21. Don’t count yourself out before you even allow yourself to play the game. Why shouldn’t you have your dream job? Your dream relationship? Your dream life? You deserve it and you will continue to work hard for it. It’s never too late and you are always worthy of the opportunity. Don’t set your own personal limitations and say “I can’t do that.” Say “why not me?”

22. You love to overdress. You love to wear false lashes on a regular basis. You love over the top decorations and parties and personalities. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than or uncomfortable because of that. There are people out there that will show up to a brunch in a polka dot fur coat and there are people that will snicker behind her back about it. Be friends with the girl in the polka dot fur coat.

23. Barely passing Algebra in high school and Accounting in graduate school does not make you any less brilliant and won’t be something you remember ten years from now. It’s just not your favorite thing. Get a tutor, pass the class, and run off to your liberal arts classes and professors. They’re more fun anyways.

24. Ask a ton of questions, take a lot of notes, do a ton of research, talk to a lot of people that are doing the things you want to be doing. You are so lucky to live in a time period where the internet provides access to an abundance of information and networks. Use it! On that same note, pay it forward when people ask you lots of questions and talk to you about the things you’re doing or have done.

25. How you greet someone and how you say goodbye to someone are both equally important. Be genuine, authentic, and warm and make others feel that warmth.

26. Twelve year old Sam would have been proud of the person you became.

Have I The Courage To Change?

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“I am under no obligation to make sense to you.” SZA

Let’s talk about change. Not your pocket change, but the true, uncomfortable, deeply rooted, sometimes necessary and personal type of change. Some people thrive in the space of personal reinvention and welcome the daily fluctuations this lifestyle brings. Others might be hesitant and constantly waiting for the perfect time, opportunity, resource, partnership etc. to materialize, so that they can ensure their personal change is without risk. Or they might be waiting for others to take the leap before them.

At different points in my life, I fell under the second category. I kept myself defined by how others saw me or by the things I was interested in or how I was in college or by the things I thought my age, demographic, career, etc. should be defined by. For some reason, I didn’t allow myself to redefine or reevaluate the person that I woud like to become once I was out in the ‘real world’ and had the time, freedom, and resources to do so. I thought that the person that I had been before was always going to be the person I had to be and that I was in too deep with my decisions or life choices to pick differently. Or, I thought this is what everyone else my age is doing or thinking about or acting on and I wouldn’t even question it.

However, it quite literally took a global pandemic to force me to change my life entirely. Once I realized COVID was not going to have the quick resolution we had all hoped for, I had no other choice but to make moves anyways. This state of society forced me to reevaluate so many different elements about my own life that I had not questioned or was entirely unhappy with. It pushed me in the direction of discomfort, saying no more often, putting myself out there, and redefining what I wanted my potential future life to look like.

The rest of the world was on hold. There would never be a time like this again.

I wondered to myself…

“Was I happy in my current environment? Was I doing the best I could to be taking care of my mental and physical health? Was I ignoring certain realities because I was too scared to address the consequences? Were my relationships fulfilling and healthy? Was I taking too much on at work? Was I still excited about the things that used to make my heart happy? Was I trying so hard to be everything to everyone while not taking time to check-in with myself?”

For my personal growth process, I needed to ask myself difficult questions. I needed to sit down and be honest with myself and I needed to feel my emotions before I was able to heal them. I needed to be okay with leaving entire elements of my life behind and I needed to be okay with the fact that I didn’t know what my new life would look like or how long it would take before I felt comfortable again.

As I continue this personal process of change, I’ve realized a few things that have become my reality. Change is not a self-care weekend or a face mask or a new outfit. It’s working on yourself, on your relationships, on your career, on your past, present, and future and making a game plan for what you want out of life. It’s coming to terms with what you like and don’t like about yourself and figuring out what you’re going to do about it. It’s about making the decision to be intentional about your life and what you will demand out of it.

It’s okay to take time off to work on yourself. Not just a day, or a weekend, but a few months or even a year if that’s what you need. It’s okay if this time is spent alone. It’s okay if your current energy levels cannot sustain the person that you used to be. You’re allowed to abandon who you were last year, last month, or last week.

“You have the right to change. Without notice, without permission, and without someone else’s validation.”

At the end of the day, people can only understand you from their own level of perception. You don’t need to over explain yourself when you’re undergoing a process of personal reflection and evolution. And quite frankly, I didn’t even know how to verbalize what I was feeling to myself, let alone to others. If you run into this push back during your own process of change, simply state your boundary and whatever it is you’re comfortable contributing and leave it at that. Those who respect your process, even if they don’t understand it, will recognize this and will extend their support for you whenever you’re ready to take it. It’s okay if others get angry. It’s okay if they feel entitled to the old version of you. It’s okay if this conversation with them feels uncomfortable. Do not take it personally. People can only understand you from their own level of perception. Be kind, hold your head high, and continue doing what you know is right for you.

If there is anything I have truly learned from this pandemic, it’s the fact that nothing is guaranteed. If you keep people pleasing and putting off your goals and aspirations or making excuses that limit your own potential, who is to say the opportunity will present itself again? Maybe you’re already the person you want to be. Maybe you’re still working on becoming that version of yourself. Maybe you didn’t even realize that you wanted to change and now you’re considering what that might look like for you. Wherever you’re at, please remember you have the right to be whoever and whatever the heck it is you want to be.

Being truly happy, feeling personal peace, obtaining true fulfillment. These are all very personal processes that have nothing to do with others, so don’t get caught up with how others will perceive this. You have the right to change, to evolve, to decide who and what you want to be. Do you, for you, and by your own standards.

Valentine’s Day At Home Guide – Amazon Edition

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Be my Valentine? February is absolutely one of my favorite months. The entire city is always donned in pink and red decorations, coffee cups always have hearts on them, and you can’t beat the plethora of sweets, cupcakes, and Valentine’s Day candy. While some might associate Valentine’s Day with primarily romantic love, I always use February 14th to celebrate all the loves of my life. This includes my friends, my family, my pup, and myself. My mom and I always do a steak dinner together or order a heart shaped deep dish pizza to celebrate and when I was in college, I would mail Valentine’s Day cards to my parents too.

As we consider the limitations that COVID might place on celebrations, I urge you to celebrate yourself this Valentine’s Day, regardless of your current relationship standing. What better place to start than a gift guide catered to cozy and luxurious nights at home. I’ve put together a list of some of my favorite Amazon finds that make me feel glamorous, comfortable, and grateful and that I hope can bring you similar sentiments at an affordable price! They’re also perfect gifts for a sister, a girlfriend, a bestie, or a mom you’d love to treat on this special holiday and are a quick Amazon Prime delivery away.

1. Champagne Satin Shorts Pajama Set

If there’s anything that makes me feel instantly put together, it’s a matching pajama set. Now if that pajama set is a gorgeous champagne color with thin black trim and matching buttons? Then you best believe I am on my way to the best sleep of my life and no one can stop me.

2. Dainty Gold Initial Necklace

Personally, I love statement earrings but when it comes to necklaces, I prefer something more muted and simple. This necklace is a perfect touch on its own or paired as a layering piece with other gold chains. I love the tiny whisper of an initial and how it looks resting against bare skin or over a turtleneck. You cannot go wrong with this one!

3. Millefleur Soy and Wood Wick Candle

Scent is an important element of relaxation and one of my favorite scents is sandalwood. This handcrafted candle is made out of a soy vegan base with a sandalwood fragrance and a wood wick. The wood wick leads to a longer burn with a satisfying crackle sound that happens when the candle is lit as well. In addition, the packaging and ribbon accent is absolutely gorgeous and would make a wonderful gift for someone.

4. Woven Fringe Throw Blanket

In the spirit of staying home, this is the perfect fringe throw to have tossed over a couch for when you want to watch a movie and stay warm. I love the subtlety of the quilted pattern across the blanket and the fringe trim makes it a nice accent for display as well. It’s also light enough to store for a trip to the park for a picnic base, which is always my personal favorite use!

5. Dusty Pink Velvet Pom Pom Slippers

I have actually gifted these adorable Tinkerbell-esque slippers to my friends and family on a few occasions and they’re always a big hit. I even bought a pair for myself and I wasn’t the only one who was a big fan. Luna Mia, my Boston Terrier, always kept eyeing them and it was only a matter of time before I found a lone slipper in her crate. What can I say? She has good taste and highly recommends the slippers.

6. Leopard Satin Pajamas Set

This is the set of pajamas you slip on after a luxurious and drawn out bubble bath, a multi-product skincare routine that you feel accomplished for just getting through, and freshly washed sheets. Believe me. This is the move. The delicate lace detailing and the thin straps add an additional luxurious touch to the already silky fabric. Plus, the pattern is a standout and a breath of fresh air from your regular standard florals or prints.

7. La Jolie Muse Jasmine Luxury Wood Wick Candle

I couldn’t help myself, I had to add this second decadent candle to the list. With over four thousand reviews and a 4.5 star rating, you know it’s a great buy. This is for those of you who enjoy more of a floral fragrance with the jasmine blossom aroma. The candle has a sixty five hour long burn and is made from high quality white-tinted heavy glass packaged in an exclusive signature box with cream, black and gold detailing.

8. Silver Brushes

These are a personal favorite set of brushes of mine and ones I use on a daily basis! The colors of the brush handles are so delicate and beautiful and do not scratch. In addition, the brush heads themselves are buttery soft and do not shed either. You also get a wide variety of brushes for whatever your makeup needs are and for the price, it’s an absolute steal.

9. The Five Minute Gratitude Journal

Gratitude is a critical component to a fulfilling life and it can sometimes fall to the wayside in the hustle and bustle of life. This journal breaks down five minute gratitude practice’s you can do with different prompts and thinking points. I enjoy this form of guided journaling because it takes the guesswork out of it and I can manage the five minute commitment it requires. It also sets the tone for my day whenever I start off recognizing the good and worthy in my life.

10. Satin Kimono Robe

If you’re a New Girl fan, then this is your chance to channel your inner “Schmidt” with your “mono”. If you’re not a New Girl fan, throw this beauty in your cart anyway, log onto Netflix, and now you have a new series to binge. This affordable robe is also perfect for wearing while you’re doing your makeup, relaxing at home, or when you’re fresh out of the shower too.

Easy Tips For Improving Your Presence On Zoom Video Calls

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Unprecedented times. As we creep up on our one year year pandemiversary, it’s safe to say the remote work environment has taken a massive transformation throughout the last year. Gone are they days of simply logging online from your bed with your camera off while taking notes in the background of an hour long call. (Admit it, you’ve done it too.) Now, the video chat game is encompassing of major client conversations, rigorous academic exams, important touch points with family and friends, and even awkward first dates.

As I’ve experienced this shift alongside the rest of the world, I have come across a couple of things that have helped me feel more prepared and polished on camera for these different types of events. Especially when internet connectivity and audio issues can easily occur, having a controlled environment that manages a clean presentation and presence is key to having your video speak for itself.

Ensuring Proper Lighting

If there is only one thing you take from this article, please let it be the fact that proper lighting is key to a strong first impression on video. Whether you’re taking advantage of natural light streaming from a window while you’re facing it or you’re utilizing a form of artificial light through a lamp or a ring light, making sure that your face and background is properly illuminated is important. This is the first thing others will see when you log online and it creates the basis for being able to read one’s facial expressions and reactions throughout a call. Especially when virtual, these visual cues are critical and speak for themselves.

If you have assess to a window with natural light, try to position your desk so that your face is facing the window. This will allow that natural light to illumnate you and your background. However, if you’re like me, you might not find the window to be the best spot for your workspace area. If so, there are a few options.

First, you can make sure you have one or two lamps directly behind your computer or desk area to provide a spotlight effect on you during the call. Never put the light behind you or to the side, as this can cast unflattering shadows across your face. Second, you can purchase a ring light on Amazon that plugs in and provides various features for additional lighting. A ring light is a light that is typically used for filming or shooting video or photo content when there isn’t enough proper lighting. But don’t be intimidated, it’s actually amazing for amping up your lighting situation for work calls as well.

Having a Basic Grooming Kit Handy

There are definitely mornings where I grab a coffee in my messy bun while I catch up on my morning emails. There are also mornings where someone pings me to jump on a quick call right then and there and I have to rush upstairs to make myself look presentable. Avoid these off-guard moments and have a small of kit of grooming essentials near your workspace area for these occasions. This can include anything from small amounts of makeup for touch-ups, a hairbrush to turn that messy bun into a sleek bun, makeup wipes to clean up a spill on your outfit, or even an extra blazer draped over your desk chair that you can throw on for calls. This is such a simple thing you can do that night before and have ready for these kinds of emergencies. Looking put together can add instant credibility during these types of calls, especially when they’re unexpected.

Logging On Early

This is also an easy tip that requires minimal effort. If you tend to be in back-to-back calls throughout the day, this tip may not be feasible for you. However, if you have a lighter day, make a point to always log onto your calls a few minutes early. I think anywhere between 2-4 minutes is appropriate.

The reason being is that you might run into potential audio issues, connectivity problems, or overall unexpected troubles that could disrupt or impact the call if you were to join as everyone was already on. By joining a few minutes early, you give yourself the proper opportunity to trouble test everything yourself and make sure you are prepared for when others log on. I also like this tip because it positions you as usually always being the first on a call and allows you to greet others as they trickle in. This automatically shows you are punctual and considerate of other’s time and is a great impression to make in the workplace.

Making Sure Writing Utensils, Chargers, Misc. Items Are Accessible

I speak from experience when I say this. Make sure you always have your computer charger, phone charger, and a writing utensil and paper nearby. Unfortunately, I have been on hour long calls where my computer has died right when I was about to speak and I am left literally scrambling to find my charger, plug my computer in, and log back on. Not only is this embarrassing for me, it’s also disruptive to others on the call and it’s easily avoidable. It also causes unnecessary stress for me and makes it difficult for me to pick up where I left off effortlessly.

In addition, there might be times when your computer freezes or Microsoft Word is unresponsive while you’re taking notes. During this time, someone might mention an important action item that you need to document and having a pen and paper handy is perfect for saving the day in this moment. While you might be able to use your phone take notes on some instances, you should never save confidential client information or personal data in a non work approved device. Being prepared by having a computer charger and a writing set-up alleviates this error. The less you have to scramble during these emergency situations, the better you can quietly resolve them without anyone else on the call knowing what’s going on.

Maintaining Consistent Eye Contact

Now, this is a tricky one. Some might argue that video chat does not require strong eye contact, but I’m here to stay otherwise. When you’re at work, you can grab lunch with someone, stop by their desk and ask about their weekend, or pop in to ask a question. In a remote work environment, these organic check-ins don’t occur as easily. Therefore, your video calls are essentially acting as a stand-in for this moments, which is why it’s so important to appear engaged and as an active listener. If you’re scrolling through a website or checking your phone or simply just looking off in a different direction on a call, this can be misinterpreted as being rude. It can also accustom you to constantly multi-task on important calls as well. In order to get the most “bang for your buck”, give your calls your full attention and showcase this strong eye contact with the camera. It might feel awkward at first, but on video, it’ll translate differently.

Final Thoughts

I am incredibly passionate about encouraging women to succeed in their professional careers. While video chats might not be the norm for every career field, it’s certainly becoming more and more common to have a video call for a variety of different occasions. Next time you log online and want to leave a strong impression, follow these tips and check back for Part 2!

The Bolet Collective Origins

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Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve had a creative spirit. Growing up, I would make enormous magazine collages across my bedroom wall that I would add to throughout the year and sit next to my dad with my colored pencils while I tried to mimic his artistic capabilities in my own drawings. In high school, I used my graphic design skills to design promotional material for my school’s art department and even designed my own campaign posters when I ran for student body President. In college, I pursued my liberal arts degree with gusto and did a variety of extracurriculars to fuel this side of my heart. I was a lead in my first theatre production as a college freshman, I was a news anchor for the local alternative music radio station, I competed in pageants and designed my talent costumes and performances, I wrote for an online publication called “The Lala” and covered influential pop culture moments, and I was constantly attending musicals and shows. (I almost got kicked out of a production of Legally Blonde because I literally could not stop myself from singing along. Whoops.)

In short, I loved doing things that pushed me out of my comfort zone, allowed me to work on my verbal and written voice across various mediums, and gave me the opportunity to design or create something from scratch. As I transitioned to the “real world” and focused on my career in corporate America, I found these creative opportunities happened less and less. While I channeled this energy towards my virtual communications (I design fun email invitations and newsletters), my apartment decor, and my fashion sense, I always toyed around with the idea of creating my own brand.

For years, and I mean years, I scrolled online and watched others cultivate their voice and their story virtually. I pinned over 2,000 pins on Pinterest, saved and archived hundreds of Instagram posts that inspired me, and this little seed in the back of my brain stayed present but not active. It was only in quarantine of March 2020 that I finally decided to just go for it and create a WordPress account. What I didn’t know was that I was about to embark on a deeply personal journey that would stall any opportunity to work on things that were outside of my immediate level of daily upkeep.

Nearly seven months and a newly healed mindset and heart later, I nervously logged back online into WordPress. I had a new vision, a new drive, and a new found love for my creative spirit again. As I pondered what this little corner of the internet was intended to do, I reflected on what I loved about my favorite influencers and content creators. For me, it was the older sister gene. You know, maybe she was the oldest sister of a friend growing up or the effortless senior in your sorority or the cool older girl in your college class that passed down handy advice and made you understand things so you didn’t feel so clueless all the time. The influencers I felt myself consistently drawn to were a community of relatable, educated, witty, fashionable, and honest women that shared their life experiences and advice. It was the kind of women that I would’ve aspired to have had as an older sister at different points in my life.

With this in mind, I decided to cultivate my blog focused on encouraging and inspiring women to seek personal empowerment, professional development, and the luxurious life that happens in between. I wanted to create a space where I could talk about my experiences, my do’s and don’ts, and my overall perspective on things. This unique blend of the personal, the professional, and luxurious is important to me because I believe in the active pursuit of these three elements to create a beautiful and balanced life.

In terms of content, sometimes you’ll find light hearted advice or guidance on certain life stages or daily moments. Sometimes, these blog posts are catered after conversations I’ve had with my younger brother and sister. Sometimes, they’re catered after the conversations I wish I could’ve had with my younger self. At the end of the day, my words aspire to be thoughtful and made with good intentions. Over the last few months, I have worked hard on designing my website, brand, and vision to reflect a valuable and thoughtful experience.

Welcome to The Bolet Collective. I’m so happy you’re here.

“Are You Seeing Anyone?” Yeah, My Therapist. Thanks For Asking.

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What comes to your mind when you think of therapy? I used to think it was a bare room with a couch, a dry professional with a clipboard, and an endless loop of “and how did that make you feel?” questions with no real conclusions to be drawn within an hour. I also sometimes get defensive with people in authority, let alone when it’s someone that knows deep things about me, so it took me a long time to come around to the idea of therapy.

The reality of therapy during a COVID era looks quite similar to the photo above. It’s usually me taking a deep breath at the end of the day, finding a comfortable spot in my house to snuggle up with my Boston Terrier puppy Luna Mia, and answering the phone to a warm and cheerful voice asking me how my day has been.

Sometimes, my response is filled with joy and I am eager to share all of the happenings I had encountered since our last call. Awkward first dates, quirky Luna Mia moments, funny memes, etc. Other times, there’s about a forty five second window of forced niceties (Hey, how are you, I’m fine, you?) before I start tearing up and unload the emotional turmoil I was facing that day or that week. I’d like to think the second scenario is less common, but each week is truly a gamble.

My previous thoughts on therapy were not incredibly positive, if I’m being honest. But it’s because I didn’t truly understand it or because I expected a major life change after one or two sessions. It took me a few sessions to find someone I was comfortable with and a few after that to truly start working through my own life occurrences. However, I am a better person, friend, partner, sibling, etc because of it. I feel more fulfilled by my interactions and by who I allow into my life and I feel more confident in my own decisions because I honor my emotions and needs.

Therapy has been an additional asset in my personal toolbox to tackle life in a healthy way. It has given me permission to feel my emotions, to take care of myself, to say no, to say no thank you, and to invest in things and people that make me feel good. It has forced me to address my own self imposed timelines, limitations, and rules and to realize that there are other ways to define love, productivity, success, and comfort.

If you’re a single millennial woman in your 20’s or 30’s, you’re probably constantly being asked if you’re seeing someone or if you’re in a relationship. My response these days is yes, I am seeing someone every week for one hour and I’m learning how to build a better relationship with myself and with my future partner. Therapy has given me a safe, non-biased, and consistent environment to check-in with myself and with my past, present, and future and to have someone I can lean on about topics I don’t want to talk to my family or friends about yet.

Taking care of your mental health is a non-negotiable. But it’s not something you always have to tackle on your own. Currently, a large amount of insurance providers are also providing additional coverage for mental health services, so it’s always worth inquiring about. You can contact the phone number on the back of your insurance card and ask about their coverage for behavioral health services to get a better understanding of coverage.

Additionally, if you find yourself repeating the same types of unhealthy friendships, relationships, or overall patterns, a therapist is a great resource that can help you break down these repeated behaviors and understand where they stem from. Keep in mind, therapy is best utilized as a long term solution. One or two sessions might not allow you and your therapist to fully tease out the root of a behavior or life instance. It’s also not the responsibility of your therapist to fix your life for you. A lot of the work and benefit actually happens on your own time and you use your therapist as a check-in to say here’s what I’m doing and how I’m working through things.

At the end of the day, I felt so much uncertainty and intimidation when it came to talking about therapy. It felt like this out-of-reach concept that I wasn’t sure I would even benefit from and I couldn’t conceptualize what the first phone call would even entail. Some of my first “conversations” or awareness levels of therapy as an adult came from reading about my favorite influencers discussing their own process. Whether it was Kathleen Barnes from the blog Carrie Bradshaw Lied in her post Let’s Talk About Therapy or Hayet Rida in her Instagram stories and blog post The Plus Side of Dating, they both were vulnerable and open about how therapy impacted their relationships with themselves and with others. It almost gave me the permission to say, well if they’re doing it and it’s helping them, then maybe I can try it too.

Having spent over half a year working with someone, I can now say that I am confident it’s worth the investment in both your time and financial resources. We work with tutors to build healthy study habits, we work with a personal trainer to learn our way around the gym, and we work with coaches to become better versions of ourselves. Think of a therapist as an additional resource to support you in the process to a healthier life and state of mind.

Affordable Fitness Hacks for Amping Up Your Quarantine At Home Workouts

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As we’ve progressed through this period of eternal quarantine (or so it seems sometimes), it has become increasingly important to stay active for both your mental and physical health. While I usually lean on Amazon for my at home workout materials, I was shocked to see a lot of my favorite products either sold out entirely or were back ordered online for extended periods of time. In fact, I was so desperate for a yoga mat that I accidentally ordered a yoga mat sling because I was in such a rush to place my order before it sold out since there were no other options available. Rookie mistake. 





This is no longer the case though, as I have found an online and in-person resource that has affordable fitness gear that is great for powering through your at home workouts. I want to share my favorite store for affordable workout gear that I have used throughout quarantine to maintain my fitness routine. 





Five Below





If you happen to have a Five Below in your area, you’re in luck! This is an excellent store that harbors items of all kinds for under $5.00. Yes, seriously. Everything is $5.00. If you don’t happen to have one nearby, you’re still in luck because all shipping on their website is only $5.00, which makes it a breeze to make a bulk order online. This has been my biggest quarantine hack when building up my fitness equipment for at home workouts. Here are some of my favorites. 





Yoga Mat





I have actually had a pink version of this yoga mat for the last few years and it has held up like a champ. Online, they come in a variety of colors and are a good width in terms of mat material thickness that will allow you to get a comfortable yoga session in. This is important, as it creates additional protection for your knees and hands when doing various poses. The mats also roll-up and can be stashed under your bed for easy convenience in between workouts or if you’re like me, in your new yoga mat sling!





Resistance Band





I own this item as well and it has proven to support an effective workout. I usually will Google a resistance band routine or look on Pinterest and then I will loop the band around a railing on my balcony for certain moves or attach them to my feet to do banded deadlifts. These in particular are high quality and the handles are sturdy enough to handle a fast paced set. You can even opt for different levels of resistance bands that they offer to keep your body guessing. 





Hand Weights 





If you’ve been looking online for weights, you’ll know that they are constantly sold out. These weights also seem to be out of stock in the online shop. I happened to pick mine up at an in-store visit pre-quarantine, however, I had to include these to put on your radar if you’re able to make an in-store pitstop. They are truly a total bargain and they could come back in stock online or in your local store.  Five Below tends to have rolling inventory of these hand weights that are well built and provide that extra weight to your benchpress or tricep kicks. Mine came in eight pounds and ten pounds and I purchased a set of both!





Foam Roller





After an intense workout, it’s always important to stretch and roll your muscles for exercise safety and alleviating soreness after. Five Below offers two different types with varying textures to match your needs. Personally, I never used to use a foam roller, but my personal trainer encouraged me to take care of my muscles after a strenuous workout by rolling my body and I noticed a major difference in my recovery and levels of soreness the next day. 





Cardio Jump Rope 





If you’re able to get outside, but don’t know how to get your cardio in, try this intense, yet low equipment cardio workout. Jumping rope is a great way to get your heart rate up and this $5 jump rope is the perfect accessory to start off with. It’s also easy to stash in your gym bag or travel bag if you’ll be going out of town, but would still like the opportunity to keep your heart rate up.





Final Notes 





Mixing and matching these different items based on your fitness needs is a fun and affordable way to build amp up your at home fitness environment. Remember, working out and staying healthy is not just for the aesthetics, but for your mental health and emotional clarity too. Usually, you could only purchase one yoga mat or a small set of weights for the price of what this entire article could purchase, so this is truly a steal and is my favorite spot to build up my fitness equipment on a budget. And if you’re still skeptical, just remember.





Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. – Elle Woods







How to Make Sound Money Decisions When Furnishing Your First Apartment


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The thrill and excitement that comes with getting the keys to your first apartment is exhilarating. You finally get the freedom to decorate your own room, be the pad that hosts dinner parties or happy hours, and start cultivating your own personal nest in the city. Plus, it also marks an important milestone in the beginning of your young adult life. 





Whenever I knew I would be moving, the first thing I would do was design a Pinterest board for decor and inspiration. Immediately, I would be perusing the internet for tips and tricks on how to make my space look stellar, while pinning photos for color palette and mood board inspiration. My first apartment out of college consisted of a tiny bedroom (It seriously only fit my bed and a bookcase) in a three bedroom apartment and my first time living alone after college was in a 300 square foot studio. Although I ended up creating a space I loved in each environment, there was no questioning that every inch needed functionality and design imbedded into it. 





As I reflect on my first few homes and what I would do differently, I realize I made some savvy and not so savvy decisions when it came to purchasing items for my home. Keep on reading to learn more about the do’s and don’ts when decorating and furnishing your first apartment!




















SAVE 





BUY SECONDHAND  FURNITURE AND DECOR ACCESSORIES





Okay, a fun fact about me is that I have expensive taste. My Pinterest boards always illustrate an extravagant taste in interior design and I love being creative with how spaces can evoke an emotion when you’re in them. You should also know that I hate spending money unnecessarily.





If the first thing I would do was make a Pinterest board, then the second thing I would do is check Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist to find dupes or similar styles of the pieces that caught my eye! Maybe my Pinterest board had French chateau style decor, but my budget certainly could not keep up. To compensate, I would look for vintage decor that emulated French Parisian design. I would incorporate this through a vintage bust, a gold trimmed ornate vanity mirror, or a Paris travel guide book that I could place on my coffee table. I started with small touches like this to introduce elements I loved without breaking the bank.





I believe it is truly essential to buy secondhand decor and furniture when you are living in your first apartment. How come? Well, you’re still defining your lifestyle and preferences within your first few years out of college. It would be a shame to spend large sums of money on expensive furniture catered to your first apartment or first job that you could quickly outgrow or that won’t realistically transition with you to your future homes. 





For my first apartment, I scoured the internet to land the best deal on things like my bed frame (a $3,500 Restoration Hardware headboard heavy beast that I snagged for under $400), a comfortable couch (a suede gray tufted couch that I scored for $15 at Goodwill), dresser, dining tables and chairs. I would also pick-up large artwork, ornate mirrors, or vintage books secondhand at thrift shops like Goodwill, The Salvation Army, and other local resale shops. This allowed me to easily swap out pieces for a fresh look throughout my different apartments without making a huge dent in my wallet. T





he best part was, since I was living with roommates, I wasn’t as delicate about damages that would occur from normal day-to-day use. I knew I had paid an affordable price and when I moved out, I felt comfortable selling the pieces because I knew I wasn’t going to be losing a lot of money on the original cost. There are still some pieces I have in my furniture collection today from this era even!





SPLURGE 





SPLURGE ON COMFORTABLE HIGH QUALITY BEDDING 





While I absolutely recommend purchasing furniture and decor secondhand, I did choose to invest in certain new items when transitioning into my new apartment. Anything regarding bedding is a sound investment, if you ask me. Whether it’s comfortable new king sized pillows from Amazon, a silk pillowcase, a cozy fluffy comforter, or high quality white cotton sheets, I splurged on these items to create a comfortable and desirable sleeping environment that I could take to every apartment. This is also a material that your body and skin are constantly coming into contact with, so splurging on fabrics that are higher quality will pay off.





INVEST IN HIGH QUALITY KITCHEN-WARE





If you’re like me, you love to cook and eat! Meal prepping, baking, or just day-to-day cooking requires a variety of utensils and pots or pans. My strong suggestion is to make the investment in your kitchen-ware items and to purchase high quality items. Pick a basic set of high quality pots and pans to prepare meals in, stainless steel silverware, a sharp knives set, colorful plates, and a matching set of drinking glasses. If you pick something in a neutral color, even better! You can always snag the champagne flutes and floral teapots after, but start with these basics first. You can transition these pieces with you to every apartment, even if your tastes change, and they are practical to use on a daily basis. 





In addition, a lot of lower quality kitchen-ware can leak toxins or metals into your food when heated to different temperatures, so it’s typically better to take the safe route with things you ingest. I did not make this a priority and I chose the fashion over function with my kitchen-ware. While my gold pans and spatulas looked cute visually, they essentially fell apart quickly. My plastic Tupperware would get warped in the dishwasher, the pots were not temperature resistant and my food constantly would stick to them, and my knives were not high quality, making chopping vegetables a pain. One knife even completely broke in half when I was cutting ingredients for a meal! Investing in a strong kitchen set you can build on is a great place to spend your money and it is something you can take with you wherever you move. 





At the end of the day, it is your decision where you invest your money when moving into your new apartment. Naturally, as I grew more into myself and my career, my needs and taste changed and I was able to upgrade to different select pieces that fit my long-term needs and taste over time. 





Final Thoughts





While I was happy I saved my money when it came to expensive furniture and decorations, I found myself constantly repurchasing low quality kitchen items to keep up with the ones that were getting damaged. At the end of the day, moving into your first apartment and starting from scratch is a big feat in it of itself. Make things easier on you and your wallet by saving money on your furnishings and decor and investing in the pieces that you will get routine and daily use out of. Keep these tips in mind when you get the keys to your new place and you’re thinking of what to throw on your “must haves” list!







Moving Into Your First Apartment? Here Are The Things You Need To Know


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Nothing beats the sensation of holding the keys to your first apartment outside of college. Whether it’s a pad shared with friends or a solo studio, the opportunity to carve out your own personal space in a city is empowering. 





While it can be incredibly exciting to immediately start a new Pinterest board for decor inspiration and peruse Amazon or Wayfair for the latest furniture pieces, there are a few things that are important to consider before you make a selection on your home and sign a lease commitment. This major life milestone requires several important considerations before you take the plunge. Let’s dive in!





ASSESS YOUR TIMELINE AND REASON FOR MOVING





Now before we get into the actual apartment discussion, assess if moving to a new place right now is the right decision. Maybe you just graduated and can’t wait to spend the summer with your friends in the city. Or maybe you just changed jobs and would like to live closer to your new employer. 





While these are both valid reasons, assess if moving right now would make the most sense. If possible, and if you’re lucky to have the option, living at home for a certain period of time is a huge luxury. If you are able to live rent free or at a lower cost, you can use this time to make expedited payments on student loans, build up a robust emergency fund, or establish your investment contributions before you add in additional financial responsibilities, like rent and utilities. You will never regret saving too much and it’s extremely easy to get caught in lifestyle creep once you move. 





Personally, I lived at home from May-December and I was able to make large payments on my student debt. However, I did not use this time to set up an emergency fund. Looking back, I wish I had lived at home for a while longer to set up certain financial nets for myself. Future me would’ve truly appreciated it. 





PRIORITIZE YOUR ESSENTIAL AND EXCEPTIONAL APARTMENT QUALITIES





Okay, so you’re ready. You’ve assessed the situation, and yes, you want to move to your first apartment shortly. What’s important to you? Are you looking to keep costs down? Is public transportation important or do you typically work remote? Sit down and genuinely make a list of what you would consider as your essential and as your exceptional priorities. Essential are the bare minimum things your apartment must have. As someone who hates doing dishes and works from home frequently, my essentials include a dishwasher and loads of natural light. My exceptional qualities include a marble fireplace, winding staircase, and charming doorman. Realistically speaking, it also included a park nearby, ample storage space, and a good neighborhood. Doing this exercise will allow you to have more direction in your apartment search and lead to apartment visits that are closely catered to what you’re actually looking for. 





For me, my first apartment out of college was in a great area with two additional roommates (three if you count my roommate’s adorable pug, Kona!) and a whopping sticker price of $525 for the room. While it lacked a polished look, updated appliances, or in-unit laundry, (honestly, the laundry room was in an unfinished basement that looked like an abandoned horse stable and was completely scary to go in alone,) I prioritized a space that would be in a great location and a great price to comfortably pay off a large chunk of my student loans. 





It worked! Having such an affordable initial rent cost, while sacrificing my exceptional priorities, allowed me to make large sum payments monthly to bring my overall student loan debt down. 





BUILD A BUDGET AND TRY TO STICK TO IT





Which brings us to our next point. It may seem obvious, but defining an initial budget is critical. Do you have a steady income? If so, establish two price ranges. One is your ideal budget and one as your exceptional budget. 





Why define two budgets? Well, as we discussed earlier, you may have several priorities that are important for you. This could be essential factors, such as easy to find parking, central location, public transportation proximity, etc. However, you also could have your exceptional factors, things that make you swoon when you walk into a space. This could be an added outdoor space, natural light, a designated workspace, or a more upgraded kitchen. I have lived in both my ideal budget and exceptional budget apartments and I’m glad that I had flexibility with my range, so that I found what fit my needs at the time. 





The goal here is to truly define a number of what you would ideally like to pay to meet your essential priorities and a maximum number of what you would pay if the unit had your exceptional priorities. 





SET A PREFERRED MOVE-IN DATE





Are you flexible? Do you have a set date you’d like to or to move in by? Determine whether you’re required to have a set date or you’re flexible on move-in dates for the right unit. In the Chicago market, I typically like to start my searches one to two months before my expected move-in date or range. This allows me to get a good feel of the market, identify any potential spam listings, negotiate rent prices, and look at a number of units calmly without a looming move-in deadline. It also allows me to determine what the average rent prices are and any other factors that are important to consider. I also enjoy having a flexible move-in timeline because it typically leads to better negotiation tactics with apartment lenders. 





MAXIMIZE DIFFERENT RESOURCES





Personally, some of my favorite apartments have come from Craigslist or Facebook. I love to scour these sites, because you’ll typically find sublease options at a lower rent rate or more independent landlords that provide competitive rates on units compared to the big apartment companies listed on Zillow or Apartments.com. Make sure to modify settings or set alerts to notify you when new properties come up, and you’ll always be the first to know when a new spot within your parameters hits the market. Desirable units move fast – so the quicker you are to schedule a showing, the better!